“That version of me was trying to make a noble sacrifice,” he explained with a shy smile. “That version of me was an idiot.”
She squinted up at him. “What do you mean?”
“Might I ask something first?”
“I cannot stop you.”
Nathaniel took a breath. “You did not want to be kissed, did you?”
“By him?” She pulled a disgusted face. “If you think that is funny, you ought to visit a library, read through every book you can find on humor, and realize your mistake immediately.”
Nathaniel sighed in relief. “What about by me?”
“That is a matter I do not wish to speak about,” she muttered. “Now, let us return to the question at hand. Why did you lie? You realize that by saying such a thing, you have made it twice as hard to break the news of our ended courtship.”
He smiled. “Then, perhaps it would be best for everyone if we just forgot about it.”
“You have already instructed me to do that,” she retorted, pouting a little. “And Iwilldo it, but I thought I ought to let you stew awhile first.”
Nathaniel gently turned her head, urging her to look at him again. “That is not what I meant.”
“Well, speak plainly! Do not talk in riddles, and perhaps I will understand you.” She folded her arms across her chest, raising a haughty eyebrow. “Goodness, were you always so… so… infuriating?”
He laughed softly. “I love you, Leah.”
Leah gasped, her mouth falling open, her arms dropping limply to her sides.
“Was that plain enough, or should I continue?” He did so regardless, explaining the reason he had tried to sever the courtship after they kissed on the balcony. He told her of his fears for his mother and brother and for her and how society might judge her if they thought she was to marry a common brawler with a father who had done terrible, terrible things and been murdered for it. “But being without you has taught me that I cannot be,” he concluded. “I might be scared, I might not know if I shall be any good at this, but… I want to find out, if you will have me.”
Leah kept staring at him, her mouth moving slightly as if trying to formulate a sentence before it spilled from her lips. Yet, as the minutes passed, no words came out. He worried if she might have frozen solid, her mouth too numb to speak, but as something delicate and white landed on her cheek, it startled her out of her trance.
“You… really were protecting me,” she whispered, squinting her eyes as if everything had suddenly fallen into place. “Of course, you should have told me, so I could have toldyouthat I did not care what society thought as long as I had you, but I suppose blind chivalry leaves no room for that, does it?”
Nathaniel winced. “You are still angry with me…”
“Angry? I am livid!” Leah shot back. “I have been tormenting myself for weeks, wondering what I did wrong, wondering what changed your mind, wondering if I was just imagining that you felt something for me, wondering why on Earth you kissed me and then shunned me, wondering if you were just a scoundrel all along, like Jonathan. Had I known all of this, I could have spared myself, and my poor bed, a fortnight of tossing and turning! You, Nathaniel, are a prize dolt!”
He mustered a hopeful smile. “I am. I cannot deny it.” But his smile faded as he added, “When my father was alive, I grew so accustomed to shielding my mother and brother by myself, taking the burden onto my own shoulders. I suppose I never grew out of it. Do you… think you can forgive a fool?”
“I never wanted this,” Leah replied, tears shining in her eyes. “When we began this, I thought it would be so easy because our objectives were aligned. I… never wanted to fall in love with you. Why did you have to steal my heart like that?”
The flame in his chest burst into an inferno, his hopes so high that it would be a fatal blow if he fell. “Because I am a wretched thief,” he said, laughing awkwardly. “Indeed, I must be a terrible thief because I did not steal it very expertly, fumbling it too many times. Why, I did not even know Ihadstolen it until now. I thought I had dropped it somewhere along the way, never to be recovered by me.”
“You should be more careful,” Leah said, the ghost of a smile upon her lips.
Nathaniel paused. “And you really do not love Jonathan?”
“Nathaniel, I shall smack you quite hard if you ever say that again. I might not have a horde of dastardly acquaintances at my beck and call, but I have four friends who shall plague you with minor inconveniences.” It looked like she was about to laugh as she hit him lightly on the arm. “I never loved Jonathan. I have never known what love is at all until you.”
Nathaniel brought his hand to her cheek, cradling it. “So, I am forgiven? Shall we forget my ridiculous decision to end this courtship?”
“You left it in my hands, remember?”
He nodded. “I remember. It is still in your hands.”
“Maybe, I shall let you stew even longer,” she murmured, smiling.
“I would deserve it.”
