Leah blinked, feeling every venomous barb. Clearly, something had occurred between the married couple, and she did not want to involve herself in the troubles of anyone else. “Well then, I shall leave you in peace.”
“You should have thought of that sooner,” Dorothy replied, her dainty nostrils flaring. “Why are you always where you are not welcome? Why must you always bother us? Are you truly so desperate?”
Leah did not know whether to laugh or simply leave. “Lady Chesterwood, I know not what offence I have caused. Indeed, I am equally perturbed by the fact that we keep running into one another.” She paused, gathering her strength. “If I had my way, I would never cross paths with you again, but I am not the mapmaker, and it appears that the heavens are having a few games at our expense. Please, continue with your evening, and let us do our very best to avoid one another like the plague.”
She turned and headed out of the refreshment room as calmly as her shaky legs would allow, but not before she heard Jonathan hiss, “What is the matter with you? I will not have you speak like that to anyone in my company, ever again. If you do, I shall wash your mouth out with soap.”
It is not me you should be angry with, Dorothy,Leah urged, pitying the poor young girl and wishing she had not retorted so curtly. It was not Dorothy’s fault. Dorothy merely wanted to protect her marriage and her love for Jonathan, and for some bizarre reason, she thought Leah was a threat.
Halting on the main thoroughfare, where clusters of friends chatted contentedly and the sound of sweet music drifted from the ballroom, Leah found herself at an impasse. She did not want to return to her mother to have a conversation she was not yet prepared for, she did not want to venture into the ballroom or anywhere else until her friends arrived, and she could not go back into the refreshment room to wait for her friends without risking the wrath of Dorothy.
In all her three-and-twenty years, Leah had never felt so alone.
A cool breeze tickled the back of her neck, sneaking out of a half open door a few paces away. Deciding that fresh air might be the perfect remedy, she slipped into the nearby room—a dining room that did not seem to be in use—and found the breath of cold wind, marked by the flap of a dark green drape in front of French doors.
From there, the wintry terrace beckoned, the flagstones glinting with frost.
She stepped out, carefully making her way as far down the terrace as she could go, away from the heat and light of the ball. She passed the dark windows of empty rooms, feeling calmer as the music and the sound of voices receded to a faint babble until, at last, she came to the farthest corner of the manor. A bench sat tucked against the wall, and there she rested her trembling legs, grateful for the shadows and the quiet.
I wish… I could forget you. I wish you had never stumbled into my life, for you have made it impossible to be without you,she lamented, closing her eyes as the cold night washed over her. The air smelled of snow again, transporting her back to the balcony of Lord Haughton’s manor. She imagined Nathaniel’s arms around her once more and the press of his lips, keeping her warm. That memory should have been able to keep her warm throughout the entire winter, yet it just left her soul shivering.
“I thought we discussed this,” a voice said. Her heart leaped, and for a moment, she thought he had come to find her, come to confess that he had not meant to push her away, giving her the true explanation for that night on the balcony. But as she turned and looked up at the terrace, it was not Nathaniel standing there.
CHAPTERTHIRTY
With Colin secretly sneaking around Lord Shilbottle’s gardens, likely breaking into the rare greenhouses at that very moment to admire the flowers, Nathaniel did his best to find a quiet spot inside the manor where he could observe without being bothered. A spot where he might be able to see Leah, to begin his last fight, though he did not know if she would be in attendance.
Be here,he prayed, ignoring the eyelash-fluttering of some young ladies who passed his corner of the ballroom.Be here, so I can tell you how sorry I am. Be here, so I can tell you the truth at long last.
He clung tightly to the hope that she did not hate him as he had once willed her to. Surely, the absence of their names in the scandal sheets was proof that he had not yet lost his one chance at true happiness. And until she said otherwise, he would keep his hands cupped around that fragile flame of possibility.
Just then, a small pocket of chaos drew his attention to the opposite side of the ballroom where three figures had just skittered in, their wide eyes searching the crowd for someone. They were talking animatedly, but in low voices; he could tell from the way they leaned close to one another, they were whispering.
If I can win their favor first, perhaps it will ease my path to her,he realized, seizing his opportunity. After all, they must have had some faith in him to go all the way to find Bill for an explanation.
“Ladies.” He halted abruptly in front of the three young women, bowing his head. “I hope you do not mind my interruption, but I was wondering if you might tell me where I could find Leah. Perhaps, it is a leap, but I assume she is with you?”
Anna crinkled her nose. “I wish she were. Indeed, we are wondering the—”
“She is none of your concern,” Phoebe interrupted, hitting him with a look of damning disappointment. “Perhaps, if you had not treated her so coldly, youwouldknow where she was.”
Matilda took a half step toward him, squaring up. “Did you lose your nerve?”
“Pardon?” Nathaniel tilted his head to one side.
“I do not like to speak for my friends,” Phoebe said, “but I believe she is asking the question we all wish to know—Why did you dismiss her like that?”
Matilda nodded. “We shall not talk of the details, but you know what we are referring to. Why did you do that to her? Did you panic? You would not be the first gentleman to do so, nor would you be the first gentleman who has made promises to her to do so.” She sniffed. “We had hoped you were different, but you know what they say—all men are the same.”
“He was protecting her,” Anna’s quieter voice crept in, her gaze fixed on the floor.
Nathaniel stared at the shyest, least angry of the three. “I was.”
“Pardon me, but that is a strange way of protecting someone,” Matilda shot back, keeping her voice low. “You knew of her fate three years ago, you knew society would eat her alive if she had another failed courtship, yet you cast her aside. I do not believe it.”
Nathaniel glanced at Matilda. “Then why did you go and speak with my friend, Bill Hodge? If you thought me a disgrace, why go to the trouble?”
Matilda’s eyes widened ever-so slightly as if she had been caught stealing ribbons. “We wanted to be sure.”
