“Why did you call me the future Duchess.” She clasped her hands together, visibly nervous.
Nathaniel glanced at his brother, who kept looking up, likely not searching for a newt at all. “Oh… that.”
What do I say?All words failed Nathaniel as he watched the hope and anxiety vie for control of her beautiful face. There was an answer she wanted; he could see it like an earnest prompter willing an actor on stage to speak the next lines. But it was not an answer he could give. Indeed, he had just informed Jonathan that there would be consequences if he upset Leah in any way, yet Nathaniel suspected he was about to be guilty of the same thing.
CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Leah did not know why her heart felt like it was about to explode out of her chest, nor why she was holding her breath when she desperately needed to calm herself, but as she waited for Nathaniel to say something, anything, it was like she had no control over her body whatsoever. It trembled in nervous anticipation, her eyes wide and unblinking, her hands clasped together as if in prayer.
He defended my honor, yet again,she told herself, trying to remind her brain that she had no hold over the handsome, amusing, enchanting man who stood before her.A friend would do the same. Any of the girls would lie to spare my embarrassment. What more can you expect of him?Whatever it was, she knew it was stupid to hope. After all, she already knew why he did not wish to marry, why he thought marriage changed people. That sort of painful past was not easy to overcome.
He defended my honor, yet again,her heart repeated, turning the frantic thud of her heart into a thousand butterflies, flapping wildly. More than that, because he had stepped in front of her when Jonathan appeared, she had been able to take a moment to muster her own courage. Before meeting Nathaniel, she would never have said those things to Jonathan; she would have retreated into herself as she had done for the last three years.
“I wanted to take that smug smirk off his face,” Nathaniel said, after a few stilted moments of silence. “Is that not why we began this, to show him what everyone else already knows—that jilting you was the greatest mistake of his life?”
Leah’s heart sank. “But how are we to explain this? Are we not taking this ruse too far?” She could not swallow the hurt in her voice, wincing as she heard it.
“Everyone already thinks we are engaged,” Nathaniel said softly. “If you have read the scandal sheets, it is not a surprise. I imagine Jonathan probably already suspected.”
Leah stared down at the blades of grass, squashed underfoot. “What were you talking about with him?”
“I warned him,” Nathaniel replied. “He will not trouble you from now on. He has promised to be courteous and kind if you should ever cross paths again.”
Leah’s head snapped up. “How did you get him to make such a promise?”
“In the usual fashion.” He swallowed uncomfortably. “A gentlemen’s agreement. But I must say, you were a revelation! I thought he would crumble to dust when you mentioned the debt collectors. Is that a true story?”
Leah shrugged. “It seemed to be. He did panic rather a lot, did he not?”
She could sense that Nathaniel was trying to lighten the conversation, and though she willed herself to do the same, her tone was flat. It was like a thick glass wall had gone up between them, and though they could see one another, there was something in the way.
I wanted you to say that you meant it,she realized, her heart rising and falling all at once.I wanted you to tell me that you no longer wished it to be a ruse.The understanding was a heavy weight, crushing down on her chest. It terrified her that her heart could betray her wishes, handing itself to Nathaniel when she had vowed to give it to no one, but it would not listen to reason. She wanted to be the woman that Abigail said she was, the woman Nathaniel needed, the woman who could change his feelings on marriage and love and all that entailed. He just wanted to shield her from a man who no longer mattered, as any friend would.
“Have I upset you?” Nathaniel asked, his brow furrowed as he reached over and put his fingertips beneath her chin, tilting her head up gently. “Did I say something wrong? I only desired to protect and defend you, Leah.”
“Is that why you fought with him and left his face like that?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
Nathaniel dropped his hand as if her skin had shocked him, his eyes wide with alarm. “Why would you say such a thing?”
“It is true, is it not? That is why your cheek is also bruised. Please, do not lie to me.”
He sighed, his eyes closing on the exhale. “He was rude, he had imbibed too much, and he decided that I was to be the target of his anger. I offered him the opportunity to back down, but he would not.” His throat bobbed. “He kept coming at me, and I had to defend myself. But I will not lie—I was defending you, too. I foughtforyou, and I am not sorry that I did. It was the first time in my life that…” He trailed off, his eyes opening.
“The first time in your life that—what?” Her heart began to flutter afresh.
“That I felt I had a righteous cause to spur me on,” he replied quietly, his voice thick.
Leah pressed a hand to her chest, steadying herself. “In future, I would ask that you do not leave anyone black and blue for my sake… but I thank you for protecting me and for defending my honor.” She mustered a smile. “No one has ever stood up for me before, so I am unaccustomed to the feeling.”
“I promise, I shall never raise these fists again,” he said in a strange tone, weighted with something she did not fully understand. “Now, might we continue our walk and restore this afternoon to its former cheer? I imagine Colin has found a multitude of insects and creatures for us to peruse.”
Nothing would have made Leah happier than to be able to forget what had just happened in the butterfly house, but as she opened her mouth to agree, very different words came out, “Actually, I am feeling rather unwell. There is something catching going around, and I fear it has caught me.” She dipped her head in respect. “Shall I see you at Lord Haughton’s ball on Friday?”
“Why did you not say you were feeling unwell?” Nathaniel peeled off his greatcoat, draping the heavy wool around Leah’s shoulders. “I must, of course, escort you back to your residence.”
Leah felt the comfort of his greatcoat as if it was an embrace from him, the interior still warm from his body. “Did you not hear me say it might be catching?”
“I have the constitution of a bear,” Nathaniel insisted. “Nothing can make me sick. I have not had so much as a common cold since I was a child.”
