Abigail smiled. “But I did.”
“Pardon?”
“Ididlive through it though there were times when I thought I would not.” Abigail sighed. “I think we women are stronger than we allow ourselves to believe, and when there are children, we become stronger still. Tell me, have you hopes of becoming a mother?”
Leah frowned at the tea table. “I have always longed for a family of my own.”
But it is hopeless,she neglected to add, her stomach in knots, her heart cracking. Jonathan had stolen those hopes, and Nathaniel did not want to even consider them, leaving her with the same aching absence that had begun to gape three years prior.
“Excuse me,” Leah said, standing, “I… must depart.”
Abigail nodded in understanding. “To the botanical gardens?”
“Oh… yes, to the botanical gardens,” Leah replied, realizing that was exactly where she meant to go.
“Might I ask that you do not tell Nathaniel what I have told you this afternoon? Allow him to tell you when the moment is right, and perhaps, you will learn more of it than I have ever known,” Abigail suggested sadly. “I only know it from my perspective. Nathaniel never speaks of it. Never speaks of that man. Be his confidante, Leah. Be each other’s, make one another laugh, adore one another, for there is nothing so important in a marriage. I know because those things were absent in mine.”
Leah bowed her head. “I will do my best, Your Grace.”
“I know that you will.” Abigail stood and led Leah out of the drawing room, passing through the entrance hall to the front door. There, Abigail let Leah out onto the front porch, but as Leah was about to make her way to the carriage, Abigail caught hold of her hand. “Might I ask you one more thing before you leave?”
Leah glanced down at the older woman’s hand holding hers, feeling the desperation in it. “Of course, Your Grace.”
“How do you actually know of Bill Hodge?”
Leah hesitated, mustering her courage. “This may not make much sense, Your Grace, but that is what I intend to find out.”
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
Nathaniel walked through the humid heat of the butterfly house, his chest puffed with secret pride as Leah walked beside him, pausing to coo over every beautiful butterfly she passed. Several had landed on her, delighting her, and he could not blame them, for she was the sweetest, prettiest, rarest bloom in the entirety of the botanical gardens.
“Are you actually going to tell me how you came to be here, or are we going to keep pretending that you just “felt like” an afternoon stroll in this place?” Nathaniel teased as Leah froze like a statue, a tiny yellow butterfly fluttering contentedly above her left eyebrow.
Colin appeared between an archway of tropical creepers. “It is because of me, of course.” He took a crumb of bread from his pocket and fed it to Robin, who was safely tucked inside his waistcoat. “I am the only interesting brother.Phoebis sennae.A Cloudless Sulfur.”
“Is that English?” Nathaniel chuckled.
“Butterflies have no nation, dear brother, only countries of preference,” Colin quipped, grinning. “Though they are most common in the Americas. When they are not clinging to Lady Leah’s face, that is.”
Leah smiled, whispering out of the corner of her mouth, “Your mother told me where I could find you, and I thought a wander in the botanical gardens sounded lovely.”
“You saw our mother?” Colin gave a low whistle. “It must be serious. Shall I take Mother shopping for a new bonnet for the wedding? Perhaps, I shall make a tiny tailcoat for Robin. What do you say to that?”
The sparrow trilled happily from inside Colin’s waistcoat, confusing a group of ladies and gentlemen who were passing by. One of the ladies noticed Leah and Nathaniel and unleashed a gasp that frightened the Cloudless Sulfur off Leah’s brow before the lady turned to whisper to her companion.
“I heard it is already a foregone conclusion,” the companion grumbled back. “He proposed to her at the Countess of Grayling’s ball. Everyone saw it. Goodness, have you been hiding under a rock?”
Colin laughed. “It seems I am not the only one expecting an invitation.”
“Concentrate on your butterflies,” Nathaniel retorted, struggling to keep his voice light. Society had been bubbling with gossip since the Countess’ ball, and though it was exactly what Nathaniel and Leah had been aiming for, it was all becoming too much. He did not realize how dearly he had appreciated his privacy until thetonstarted focusing their attention on him.
Hurt flickered across Colin’s face. “I was only teasing.”
“I know.” Nathaniel softened his tone, frustrated with himself for letting the gossip get to him. “I am sorry for speaking out of turn. You know how dearly I love to watch you watching all of your many, many beloved creatures.”
Colin brightened. “I promise, I will not mention marriage again until one of you tells me otherwise.”
“A fair exchange.” Nathaniel smiled, relieved.
