“All of it,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Anna, I never meant to hurt you. To see that I have caused you such distress with my actions, my foolish words… It aches, here.” He brought her hand to his chest, pressing her palm to his racing heart.
She blinked in surprise. “Let go of me.”
“I cannot,” he replied hoarsely. “I cannot let go of you. I have tried in vain, but my heart will not relinquish you. It knew before I did, and I did not listen because I thought I was unworthy, I thought it was impossible. I wanted you to have your dream, and I feared that I would be your nightmare, so I sought to keep my distance. But the closer I am to you, the more my heart yearns for you, and when I selfishly kissed you goodbye at Westyork—I should have known I could not stay away. Your brother threatened me with a duel, and still, I could not stay away. Why, the only waytostop my heart calling to you would be if he put a shot right through it.”
“What?” she rasped, her brow creased in confusion.
Percy took a breath. “I love you, Anna.” He paused, a vast weight falling from his shoulders as those secret words were finally coaxed from his tongue. “My sweet Catchweed, I love you.”
CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
The faintest whisper of wind could have knocked Anna over as she stared at Percival, still not entirely convinced that she had heard him correctly.
“That is a cruel jest, even for you,” she managed to say, her throat tight.
Her palm still rested against his chest, and beneath, she felt the rapid thud of his heart.Well, of course he is panicking; he is moments away from being challenged to a proper duel by my brother.But his intense green eyes were not alight with panic; rather, a nervous hope. Or perhaps she was just seeing what she wanted to see.
“Then it is fortunate that I am not jesting,” he replied. “I mean it, Anna. I am in love with you. I suspect I have been for some time, but it took the Orangery to realize it. Then, of course, I tried to deny my feelings, but it did not work. They will not be denied.
“However, I am not telling you this because I have any expectations. My love, I have none. If you wish to slap me and tell me to never show my face again, that is what I shall do. If you wish us to be friends, I will accept it.” He paused. “But please, dearest Anna, do not for a second think that I regret what occurred in the Orangery. It was the happiest I have ever felt, in that one, shining moment.”
She wrenched her hand back. “You said it was shameful! You said you did not know why you did it! How do you explain that look on your face, if you are not monumentally jesting with me?”
“If there was horror upon my face, it was horror for kissing you without your permission, without knowing if my expression of affection was returned,” he replied in earnest. “And I meant, it was shamefulofme. There was nothing shameful about kissing you, Anna. It was a thing of purity. Exquisite purity. As for not knowing why I did it—in that instant, I didnotknow. It was akin to solving a riddle, hours after you have heard it.Now,I know why I did it. I did it because I love?—”
She put her hand to his mouth, shaking her head. “Do not say that again. I am confused enough. I need a moment to think.”
He nodded slowly and, with some caution, she drew her hand back.
At the carriage door, both Dickie and Max had gone quiet, the latter no longer trying to heave his way through the former. Instead, they were watching the scene as if they were at a play, and something delightfully scandalous had just happened.
“I think we ought to give them some privacy,” Dickie said, nudging Max in the chest. “Do you not think?”
Max narrowed his eyes. “They will be unchaperoned.”
“We are barely ten paces away. That is close enough,” Dickie protested, as he grabbed the door and swung it inwards. With a shove, he knocked Max back into the carriage, and closed the door behind them.
“Shout if you need assistance!” Max yelled from within.
“Goodness gracious, Max!” Dickie shouted back. “Thisis why you would be utterly hopeless, if you everwereto decide to find a bride. You have no sense for the romantic.”
With their muttering continuing inside the carriage, Anna decided it would be best to put some distance between the conversation and her brothers. Turning, she walked back toward her own carriage… and kept on walking until both carriages were a suitable length away to actually hold a private discussion.
But Percival was still standing by her brothers’ carriage.
Rolling her eyes, she beckoned for him to come.
He strode toward her, looking very much like something out of one of her favorite novels, his greatcoat billowing out behind him. She imagined it was a dark and stormy night and she had lost her way on the moors, her horse lamed, and just when she thought all hope was gone, there he was: a hero, striding out of the gloom and the rain to her rescue.
And that is exactly the sort of silliness that got you into this mess in the first place,she scolded herself, adopting what she hoped was a stern look as he approached.
He waited patiently for her to say something, but her head was spinning. Indeed, if what he said was true, then that meant Matilda had been right for a second time: Percival had brought those orchids to apologize, and hehadmeant “it was shameful of me.” Of all the people worth listening to, Matilda was at the very top of the list. Yet, after eight years of being a wallflower, who could blame Anna for expecting rejection?
“You had plenty of opportunities to make it clear what you meant,” she said curtly. “I asked to talk about it, and you did not want to. Forgive me if your desire to avoid the subject entirely made me think that you had no interest in me.”
He sighed. “I did not want to discuss it because I was already in love with you, and I did not trust myself not to confess. I assumed that you would be appalled by such a confession, considering what you know of me—I asked for certain things when you were seeking a match for me, and they are all of the things that you vehemently oppose as grounds for a marriage.”
“Are you saying this ismyfault?” She gaped at him, incredulous.
