“I’m going to need words now, love,” Margaret said with a small smile.
“I’m in love with him,” Charlotte whispered in the smallest of voices. Margaret’s lips parted in surprise.
“I knew you cared for him, but love? Goodness, this has progressed fast.”
“How could you know I cared for him when even I did not?” Charlotte sat straight on the bed, trying to fight more tears. “Iwas not expecting it. It just sort of… happened. He’s not the brute that people claim him to be. He’s certainly commanding.”
“He’s a man who knows his own mind, Charlotte.”
“Yes, he is. He’s not afraid to give his opinion on things, too. Oh, and the mistakes he makes; so improper at times.”
“I thought you were trying to tell me why you love him. Not why you despair of him,” Margaret said with a small laugh.
“Because I feel both,” Charlotte added with exasperation. “Just when I think I cannot stand him anymore, he does something that makes me…” She sighed heavily. “He is kind. So kind. When he dances with me, I feel… safe.”
Margaret’s smile was unlike anything Charlotte had ever witnessed before.
“Well, I’d say that’s a good sign indeed,” she whispered. “We should feel safe with the loves of our life, and in case you had not noticed, dear. Becoming exasperated with one’s partner in life is quite natural.”
“I have noticed how much you and father argue, yes,” Charlotte said tiredly. “I didn’t think I’d want to argue with the man I cared for.”
“This is encouraging, surely? If you are choosing to give your heart to the Duke of Rodstone, then what is the problem? Heasked you to dance twice the other night.” Yet Margaret soon trailed off talking when she saw Charlotte shaking her head vigorously.
“I told you the other night. He has no intention to marry. None at all, and he was very firm when we discussed that.”
“May I ask why you were then discussing marriage with the Duke of Rodstone?”
We discussed it in one of our lessons.
“No, you may not,” Charlotte murmured quickly. Margaret’s curiosity piqued, for she leaned forward, but she did not ask again. “He is going to leave, Mother. He is going to go back to Scotland, so my foolish heart has no hope at all.”
She flung herself back down onto the bed as Margaret fluttered over her, still trying to dry her tears with the handkerchief.
“I’m not ashamed, Mother. I’m upset. Because I am in this situation.”
“I understand.” Margaret sat back with the handkerchief in her grasp. “To be honest, I’m surprised you haven’t shouted out at us all before now. You have more control than the rest of us.” She smiled a little.
“You should have heard Harry and Rose arguing in Hyde Park. They fell in the river because Harry dropped Rose’s book in thewater. Oh, it was awful.” She covered her face, once more trying to hide from the world. “What will people say?”
“Who cares what they say? Goodness, Charlotte, you and I need to tackle this conversation right now.” Margaret took hold of her hands and pulled her back into a seated position. “The summary of one’s happiness cannot be dependent on what others think of you. Gosh, if it was, then we should all be miserable forever more. It’s what thetonor any group of people do—they like to talk. They bond over thinking themselves better than others. They take glee and delight in others’ misery.
“That is a part of life. One has to deal with it and move on. If you shift your happiness to be dependent on their good opinion, then you certainly will always be miserable.”
“What of what Aunt Susan says?” Charlotte asked, using the handkerchief to dry her own tears now. “She was surely right. If I’m not proper, then how am I going to ever marry?”
“Sooner marry a man who loves you for all your faults as well as your illusion for propriety, Charlotte,” Margaret huffed, and Charlotte paused with the handkerchief. “In marriage, you deal with each other in all walks of life. We contend with one another’s despair and hard times, as well as our happy moments. Goodness, do you imagine there was any propriety whatsoever between your father and me the day I give birth to you? Or to your brother and sister?”
Charlotte didn’t know what to say. She just kept fidgeting with the handkerchief.
“You don’t want to marry a man who expects a porcelain doll in every part of life, believe me.” Margaret shook her head. “My sister may have done that very thing. It is a sad thing to say, but she and her husband are infinitely happier with her living here in London and him in the countryside. They do better apart.”
“I had not thought of that before,” Charlotte whispered. “Aunt Susan has always seemed happy.”
“Of course, she is. She doesn’t have to put up with that fussy husband of hers,” Margaret said, encouraging Charlotte to smile with her. “I don’t doubt that my sister has taught you well in some regards, Charlotte. She’s taught you how to navigate theton’sways but take a lesson from me for a change.” Margaret nudged her affectionately. “Pick a husband who will like you, even when you come with a family likes ours.”
Margaret laughed and Charlotte did too, gently.
“This is academic anyway,” Charlotte murmured, halting her laughter quickly. “The Duke of Rodstone will return to Scotland soon enough.”
