“I saw no reason to,” Nicholas said. He was surprised at her indignation, but perhaps he shouldn’t have been—it was very like his mother to insist on knowing everything that was going on, all the gossip of the ton, and it made sense that she would have found a way to feel left out and even offended by not being included in this information. “It had nothing to do with me,” Nicholas added. “I would have told you if I thought there was any reason you needed to know.”
“How predictable you are, keeping secrets from your own mother.”
“It wasn’t asecret, Mother. Anyway, why are you complaining? You clearly know about it now!”
“Yes, I found out when the wedding invitation arrived. I suppose I’m the last to know in all of London!”
“I’m sure there are many people who are finding out as they receive their invitations,” Nicholas soothed her. “When is the wedding to be held?”
“In two weeks’ time,” his mother said. “And I expect you to attend. We must make a good impression.”
“Of course I’ll attend,” Nicholas said. He hadn’t been interested in the affair, but knowing that it was Phineas’s brother getting married changed things for him. He was good friends with Phineas, and though they weren’t as close, he liked Jacob quite a bit too. He wanted to be there for this event, to celebrate with Phineas and his family. He was also interested in meetingJacob’s new bride for the first time. He was sure they would be spending time together in the future, since Nicholas socialized with both brothers frequently.
“There isn’t anyof courseabout it,” his mother said. “You haven’t attended a social event in weeks.”
That wasn’t quite true, but Nicholas did understand what she meant. “I’ve been busy,” he said.
“You’ve been reclusive,” she countered. “I don’t think you’ve been to a party since the masquerade you held, and that was six weeks ago!”
Again, she wasn’t quite right, but Nicholas had to concede—though he certainly wasn’t going to say it aloud—that hehadstayed at home quite a lot more since the masquerade. He couldn’t acknowledge that to her, not only because she would use the fact against him, but because he wasn’t ready to admit to his reason for staying at home so much.
The truth was that, ever since the masquerade, the lady in the peacock mask had been on his mind.
He hadn’t learned her name, and that was maddening. She had run off before he had had the chance to find out anything that might help him locate her in the future. Now all he had was the memory of that night, and yet he couldn’t seem to forget her. Every time he saw a lady with auburn hair, he wondered if she might be the one. But because they had both been wearing masks at the time, there was no way he could ever hope to findout. What could he do—walk up to every lady he saw with the right color hair and say,excuse me, did I speak to you in the garden six weeks ago?
The more time went by, the more unlikely it began to seem that he would ever find her. Meanwhile, the sight of auburn-haired ladies continued to torment him, and eventually Nicholas had made the decision to stay at home more than he went out. There was no hope of anything happening between the pair of them anyway, since her parents had been intending to find her a marriage. She’d told him that. He was sure it would have been arranged by now. The only thing that made sense was to wait for his feelings to subside. Once he had managed to forget about her, he would resume his life.
Perhaps this wedding would be a good opportunity to put himself to the test, he thought. There ought to be plenty to distract him. If he could go out and have a nice time with his friends, without worrying about whether the lady in the peacock mask was there, without trying to figure out who she was, perhaps that would prove that he was ready to stop avoiding the rest of society and that he could finally allow himself to go back out in public and rejoin his ordinary life.
“You don’t need to worry,” he told his mother. “I have every intention of attending Jacob’s wedding.”
“I’m certainly glad to hear it,” his mother said. “You know, you really ought to be married yourself by now, Nicholas.”
“We’ve had this conversation plenty of times,” Nicholas said. “You know how I feel.”
“I know you refuse to honor the responsibilities of your station. Your father would be ashamed of you, Nicholas. He didn’t leave his title to you so that you could run the dukedom into the ground.”
“I hardly think that’s what I’m doing.”
“You don’t think so? Then tell me, how do you intend to provide an heir if you never marry.”
“Perhaps I will marry!” Nicholas said. “I’ve never spoken against the idea of marriage.”
“And yet, when a perfectly appropriate young lady was offered to you, you turned your nose up at her.”
“I simply don’t want to marry Lady Hannah,” Nicholas explained, seeing now what this conversation was really about. “And I can’t see why I should. It’s apparent that her father simply wants her to marry for the title of duchess. Why should I grant that?”
“Because she’s a lovely, well-mannered young lady who would make a fitting match!” His mother threw up her hands. “Because she comes from a good family, and she will make a good duchess. What are you looking for in a lady, if you don’t consider someone like Lady Hannah to be good enough for you?”
“It’s not about her being good enough,” Nicholas said. “I don’t have feelings for her. How can I marry someone for whom I feel nothing?”
“What are you expecting to feel?” his mother asked remorselessly. “You hardly know one another. It takes years with someone to begin to feel things. I know what I’m talking about. I was married to your father for a very long time before I developed the fondness I eventually felt for him.”
“You were never in love with Father,” Nicholas pointed out.
“Don’t tell me you’re looking forlove.” She said it as if he had confided that he was looking for a mythical creature.
“That’s not what I’m saying,” he said. “But I’d like to marry someone Ienjoy, at least. I don’t think that’s ridiculous.”
