He rose from his chair and moved with the rest of them toward the door. The weather was fine—it really was a good day fora walk. As they started down the road, their party began to separate into smaller groups. The two sisters and Jacob walked ahead. Phineas and Nicholas fell backward to talk. Nicholas noticed that Lady Marina didn’t seem to know which party she ought to join, but eventually she hurried forward to join the other ladies, and Nicholas was relieved to see it.
“What did you wish to say to me?” he asked Phineas.
“I’ve behaved frightfully,” Phineas said. “I know that I have.”
“You do seem to keep changing your stance on things,” Nicholas said. “Every time you apologize to me, I confess, I believe that things are mended between us. And every time, it turns out that I was wrong. I no longer know what to think. You seem to be very angry with me, Phineas, and I have no idea why.”
“I told you that I was ready to marry,” Phineas said.
“Yes, you did. You told me that you resented the fact that a marriage seemed to come so easily to me, and that you didn’t think I was properly grateful for my good fortune. I admit I don’t see my fortune in that regard as very good! But I don’t know why it angers you so. What does it matter to you what I do? If you wish to marry, I suggest that you simply do so. You might find it slightly more difficult than you’d like to secure a match, but I’m sure it will be far from impossible. You’re a young man from a good family. Plenty of ladies will have an interest.”
“Well, that’s just the trouble,” Phineas said. “And it’s the reason I’ve been in such a state, I’m afraid. You see, there’s a specific lady I have my eye on.”
“Have you spoken to her?” Perhaps his friend was shy, Nicholas thought.
But Phineas nodded. “We’ve spoken,” he said. “And she’s rejected me.”
“Rejected you! Why?”
“She wishes to marry someone else,” Phineas said. “Don’t look so shocked, Nicholas. I know you and I are friends, and perhaps your loyalty to me prevents you from seeing this, but there are plenty of gentlemen more desirable to a lady’s sensibilities than myself. She received what she felt was a better offer, and her affection for me wasn’t powerful enough to override her desire to accept that offer.”
“But that’s dreadful,” Nicholas said. “You don’t want to be with a lady likethat, Phineas. You can do so much better. You ought to have a wife who sees your quality and doesn’t need to be reminded of it. You ought to be with a lady who would choose you no matter who else asked her.”
“And that’s my trouble,” Phineas said. “That’s a very easy thing for you to say, Nicholas, because any lady would choose you over all others. Even if her motives were less than pure, she would still choose you.”
“Don’t you see how unpleasant that is?” Nicholas said. “I can never trust the motives of any lady who wishes to share my company. I can never be sure that her interest is in me. It’s just that way with Lady Hannah, for instance. She doesn’t care at all for me. She wants to be a duchess, that’s all. If I didn’t have the title I do, she wouldn’t want to marry me. She would do exactly what the lady you’re interested in did to you—take the best offer she could get.”
“Yes, I’m aware of that,” Phineas said. “But even though it may hurt your pride to know that you’re being chosen for something other than your character, Nicholas, you have to concede that at least you are being chosen. At least Lady Hannah does want you, and you know that she’ll never turn her attention to anyone else as long as she feels she has you as an option.
“I wish she would turn her attention elsewhere,” Nicholas admitted. “I’m sorry, Phineas. I know this isn’t what you want to hear me say, and I don’t say it to hurt you. But I won’t lie to you, either. Our friendship means more to me than that. I’ll never pretend to be anything other than what I am with you, and the truth of myself is that I can’t fathom the idea of being in a relationship with a lady who only cares about social advancement. I’m not a tool to help Lady Hannah get ahead in the world. I don’t want a wife who only cares about things like that.”
“I know you don’t,” Phineas said. “I suppose in your position, I might not want that either. But will you at least acknowledge that you have the freedom to be discerning about it? You can say you don’t want a marriage like that because it will be easier for you to find one that isn’t like that. You are the most eligiblegentleman in all of London. You can marry anybody. It isn’t like that for me. I would have a much more difficult time turning down a marriage to a beautiful, good-natured young lady, no matter what flaw she possessed, because I can’t feel sure that I’ll receive dozens of offers the way you will. And thatdoescome of being a duke. As much as you might resent the way it makes ladies look at you, please admit that it does you good as well.”
“You’re right,” Nicholas said. “You’re very right. I should admit to that, and I do. It is easier for me to take my pick, and I can afford to be choosy where perhaps you and others cannot. I’m sure that must make it frustrating at times to be my friend.”
“But your friendship is something I treasure,” Phineas said. “And I see now that I can’t let a few little difficulties stand in the way of it. I must try to overcome these feelings. After all, they are rather petty.”
“Don’t fault yourself,” Nicholas said. “We all have our struggles. I know that I can be a bit insensitive to what others are dealing with, and I’m sure that makes it a challenge to be my friend as well. The important thing is just what you said—that we value what we add to one another’s lives. We don’t want to let anything stand in the way of this friendship, and I feel confident that we won’t. Let us simply remember to go on talking to one another, no matter what we feel is standing in our way. We have to treat each other well. That’s more important than anything else.”
“I’m so sorry that I’ve argued with you so many times this week,” Phineas said. “I really have allowed my unhappiness to get the better of me.”
“I wish you’d felt as though you could tell me about what had happened between yourself and the lady you were interested in,” Nicholas said. “I hate to think of you going through such troubles and having nobody to talk to about them.”
“It has been difficult,” Phineas admitted.
“But I’m here for you now,” Nicholas said. “Whatever happens as you continue your quest to marry, you must feel free to speak with me about it. And I will always do my best to be kind and sympathetic—to be the friend you need, and the friend you deserve. It’s the least I can do for you.”
“I am so sorry I allowed things to turn so sour between us,” Phineas said. “You’re my oldest and dearest friend, Nicholas. That’s the last thing I want to see happen.”
“Never mind,” Nicholas said. “You and I have come through more challenging things than this together. We’ll do the same again.”
“I’m very lucky to have you. I’m so glad that I listened when I was reminded that I ought to prioritize our friendship.”
That was a very curious thing. “Who reminded you of that?” Nicholas asked.
Phineas hesitated, then shook his head. “I really shouldn’t say,” he answered. “But let us say that you were right the other day inwhat you said at the card table. Sometimes wisdom does come from unexpected places.”
What could he mean by that? Nicholas wasn’t sure. But Phineas seemed to be finished with the conversation, for he was now pulling away to walk with his younger brother.
