“I can certainly understand that impulse,” Eleanor murmured. With everything she learned about the duke, she found herself liking him more and more. She would also have liked to determine her own future, and if she had woken up one morning and found herself in a set of circumstances that had permitted such a thing, she knew she would never have permitted someone else to make a choice for her again as long as she lived. There wasn’t much she wouldn’t have given to be in the position the duke was in now—able to control his own fate and do what he liked with his life.
But Phineas was frowning at her. “You may think of it as a simple and straightforward matter, but it isn’t,” he said. “He’s been promised in marriage to Lady Hannah.”
“But he doesn’t wish to marry her. You can’t mean to suggest that he ought to ignore his own desires just because of a promise his father made?”
“People cannot always follow their own desires!” Phineas burst out, his voice suddenly stormy, his expression full of anger. “I don’t know why everyone seems to think that’s an acceptable thing to do, but we owe things to one another in this life. What of Lady Hannah, who was led to believe that she would be able to marry? She’s now left with nothing!”
“Your anger is…out of concern for Lady Hannah?” Eleanor frowned. “I confess I don’t understand, Phineas. I wasn’t aware that you and she were friends.”
“Not friends.” Phineas sighed. “The truth is, Eleanor…I wished to marry her myself.”
Eleanor hadn’t known that. Her eyes widened at the realization. So this was why her friend was so angry.
But it still didn’t make sense. “Shouldn’t you be pleased?” she asked. “Isn’t it good for you that the duke doesn’t wish to marry her? She’s no longer obligated to him. Now the two of you are free to pursue whatever is between you, and isn’t that a good thing? Doesn’t that make you happy?”
“There is nothing between us,” Phineas said. “Nothing at all. She rejected me long ago, Eleanor. She always knew she wanted the life of a duchess, and after it was offered to her, she never looked twice at me.”
“I see,” Eleanor said with a frown. “But, Phineas, the position has changed now. She had another offer, but if that offer is gone…are you telling me you’re too proud to go back to her?”
“Not too proud,” Phineas said. “It’s not pride that’s standing in my way, it’s the fact that I know for certain now that I’m not what she wants. Even if I knocked at her door tomorrow, what reason have I to believe that she would take me back? She wouldn’t. She will never love me as I love her, because love isn’t something she’s looking for. She wants wealth and social status, and I can’t offer her those things.”
“And why are you angry with the duke? I don’t understand.”
“Because he’s treating her so poorly. I never would. If I were lucky enough to be the one she wanted, I wouldn’t care what her reasons were. There would be nothing on earth that would stop me, if I was the one she wanted. She would be mine, and I would be hers. Nicholas has that choice, and he’s throwing it away. He’s treating it—and her—like something completely disposable, and he’s doing it right in front of my face so that I have to watch it every day.”
“Does he know the way you feel?”
“Of course not. I couldn’t possibly have confided in him about that, not given the way he treats her. He doesn’t care about her, and he would only think I was a shallow fool if he learned that I did. Not that I care what that man thinks of me anymore!” he added angrily. “Let him think whatever he likes. But I don’t fora moment suppose that his behavior toward her would change if he knew how I felt.”
“Maybe that’s all right,” Eleanor said gently. “I don’t think he’s going to marry her if he doesn’t want to. You’re right—it’s difficult to turn away from the life you want to live if you’ve been offered the opportunity to seize it. I would do the same thing he’s doing in his position.”
“And here I thought you were finally growing up.”
“You don’t need to be unkind to me,” Eleanor said. “I’m trying to sympathize with you.”
“No one can understand how this is for me.”
“You think not? I would make different choices, if my family left me free to do so. I might find myself in a marriage to a gentleman who could actually make me happy, and would you be angry with me for making that choice for myself? Would you resent me?”
“Of course I wouldn’t,” Phineas sighed. “But surely you can see how it’s different. Surely you can understand why I wouldn’t want to watch the lady I love be so thoroughly dismissed by someone. What if you were from a poor family, Eleanor, and every day you had to watch a rich man ride by your house and throw money out his carriage window? It would drive you mad. You know it would. This is the same as that. It destroys me constantly, having to watch the thing I want most be disregarded and squandered like this. Having to watch the greatest treasurein the world be treated like trash. Nobody would be able to stomach it. I don’t like feeling angry with my friend, of course. I would much prefer to preserve our friendship and to be kind. Iwantto feel able to support my good friend’s choices, just as I would want to support yours, Eleanor. But he tests me so much with the way he acts toward Lady Hannah that I don’t even feel able to be around him.”
“I’m sure you’re not the first gentleman to have his attentions rebuffed by a lady,” Eleanor said gently. “I don’t mean to make light of your feelings, Phineas, and I am sorry to see you suffer like this, but surely it’s not worth damaging a friendship over? I know the duke doesn’t mean any hurt to you by his actions.”
“You speak as if you knew him,” Phineas said. “How can you possibly know what he means, or what his motives are? You met him for the first time this week, and the two of you have hardly spent any time at all in one another’s company. You don’t know what he’s like. Not really.”
Eleanor couldn’t dispute that without revealing more than she wanted to let her friend know about the duke and the time the two of them had spent in each other’s company. She wasn’t ready to open up to anybody about that just yet.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “I don’t know him. But I knowyou, and I’ve never seen you behave this way. How can it be worth it to lose your friendship for something like this?”
“It’s not just a case of a rejection from a lady,” Phineas sighed. “She was different, Eleanor. I thought she returned my feelings.She acted as if she did! Every time we were around one another, we were so open and caring to each other. I thought she would surely agree to marry me when I asked. I thought it was certain. That’s why I was so shocked when, one day, she came to me and told me that another arrangement had been made. And even then, I offered to help her. I thought that was what she would like me to do. I said that we could find the way out of it together. We could still belong to one another. I was ready to do whatever was necessary that would lead to our being together.”
“And what did she say?”
“She denied me,” Phineas said. “She told me she had no interest in being with me if the duke would have her. She wasn’t horrible to me, but in a way, it was worse. She told me that she would alwayslikeme, but that of course I must understand how important it was for her to be with someone who could give her status and wealth. She said she had always assumed I would be that man, but that a duke was so much better, and she knew I would understand that.”
How could he believe that wasn’t horrible? Eleanor was shocked.
“I see the look on your face,” Phineas said. “You think it was very cruel of her.”
