Still, he had only done what was necessary. And Lord Codfield did need to see that there was going to be no marriage between Lady Hannah and Nicholas. They both had the right to know the truth. They both needed to be free to move on to other prospects.
“A very entertaining evening,” Nicholas fibbed. There was nothing to be gained by telling Lord Codfield that he hadnotenjoyed dancing with so many different ladies tonight, that he had been seeking something he hadn’t been able to find.
Lord Codfield nodded. “You don’t mean to follow through on your father’s promise, do you?”
That was certainly direct. For a moment, Nicholas felt awkward, but then he shook off that feeling. What was there to feel awkward about? Lord Codfield was asking him for the truth, and Nicholas could give him that much. HewantedLord Codfield to know the truth.
He shook his head. “I’m very sorry,” he said. “I don’t wish to disappoint you or Lady Hannah. But I’ve tried to be forthcoming with you both from the start about this. Ihavesaid to you before that this marriage wouldn’t suit me.”
“Yes, you have,” Lord Codfield agreed. “But you can’t blame a father for hoping that you might change your mind, can you? I only want the best for my daughter, after all.”
“I can understand that,” Nicholas said. “Perhaps the best thing for her, though, would be to marry someone who is excited about the prospect of a marriage to her. I mean no disrespect to you or your daughter, of course. She’s a pleasant young lady, and she’s perfectly lovely—I feel sure you’ll have no difficulty in finding someone enamored of her. But I wouldn’t like to disrespect her by pretending that person is me. I simply don’t have the necessary feelings for her.”
“You know,” Lord Codfield said, “those feelings of which you speak—they reallyaren’tnecessary, Your Grace. I know you’re aware that people marry for all kinds of reasons. And sometimes affection between a husband and wife takes time to blossom—that’s perfectly normal. The fact that you don’t feel it yet may concern you, and I respect that, but you may rest assured that it doesn’t concern me in the slightest. I would be more than happy to see you marry my Hannah under the current circumstances, and I know that that would please her as well. If your concern is that you haven’t fallen in love, I hope you won’t allow that to dissuade you.”
“That’s only part of my concern,” Nicholas admitted. “Again, with no disrespect to yourself or your daughter, I don’t feel as if our personalities are perfectly compatible. You’re quite right that love need not be present at the onset of a marriage, that perhaps it might grow over time. But I do feel as if there’s an element of friendliness that must always be there, and if it isn’t, two people are dooming themselves to an unhappy life.”
“Are you saying you find my daughter unfriendly?”
“Not at all. I’m merely saying that the two of us derive pleasure from different things. I can see it when I look at her approach to this ball, for instance. She seems to be having a very good time. She ought to marry someone who enjoys parties like these just as much as she does—someone who would be willing to throw them for her all the time, so that she could enjoy herself just as she is here. And that isn’t me.”
“You don’t want to marry my daughter because you don’t enjoy parties?” Lord Codfield was frowning. “She would make her peace with something like that, Your Grace, I assure you. Hannah understands that compromises are required if one hopes to make a marriage work. It’s much more important tomake a good and worthy match than it is to ensure that your life is full of parties!”
“The way she feels about parties is just one example,” Nicholas said. He wasn’t enjoying this conversation at all. "I do want to settle this and make sure the two of us are at last on the same page as one another, so that we can each stop worrying about this marriage that is never going to happen. The truth is, Lord Codfield, I feel this difference between us every time I speak with your daughter. I don’t wish to disrespect her, but she and I are very different people, and unfortunately, I don’t see any way around that fact. If we were to try to make a life together, it would result in nothing but unhappiness for both of us."
“She wouldn’t be unhappy to be a duchess,” Lord Codfield said.
In a way, Nicholas admired the fact that Lord Codfield was willing to abandon all pretense and simply name the thing he wanted. This was about making a duchess of his daughter. It wasn’t about fulfilling a promise he’d made to Nicholas’s father. It wasn’t about what he thought would make anybody happy. It wasn’t even about what he thought would make his own daughter happy. It was about his ambitions for her, nothing more.
Knowing that made it much easier to say no to what Lord Codfield wanted. “I have no doubt in my mind that Lady Hannah will find a good match,” he said. “I don’t know who it will be, but she is lovely, and she’s determined as well. It’s impossible for me to imagine that she won’t find her way to a situation that satisfies her in the end.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” Lord Codfield agreed with a sigh. “And of course I know that if your mind is set, Your Grace, I cannot compel you to consider a marriage to my daughter. In the end, the decision is yours.”
“I’m very sorry to have disappointed you,” Nicholas said.
“You owe me no apologies,” Lord Codfield said, as if he honestly believed that Nicholas had meant that sincerely. “But I wonder if I might ask a favor.”
“You may ask,” Nicholas said cautiously.
Lord Codfield offered a sad smile. “I understand your hesitation,” he said. “But truly, I believe this will be no great hardship to you. My request is this—if you truly don’t mean to marry my daughter, will you please at least be kind to her? I know it must be difficult for her, realizing that the marriage she thought she had waiting for her won’t come to pass. It makes me feel very sad for her, and it makes me worry for her well-being. I want to make sure that she’s happy. At the end of the day, that’s what every father wishes for his children—perhaps someday you’ll have that realization yourself, if you become a father.”
Nicholas didn’t believe that what Lord Codfield was saying was the truth, much as he would have liked to. He liked the idea that every father wanted nothing more than his children’s happiness, but he didn’t believe that his own father, for instance, had shared those priorities in the least. Perhaps Nicholaswouldfeel that way if he ever had a child of his own—he would have liked to believe that was the sort of father he would be. But heknew that his own father had been much more concerned with appearances than with Nicholas’ happiness. If it had not been so, he would never have made a marriage arrangement without so much as asking Nicholas how he felt about it. He would have wanted to know what Nicholas thought of Lady Hannah, and if Nicholas had expressed the doubts he had, a truly loving father would have made a different arrangement—or perhaps left Nicholas free to make arrangements of his own.
He respected Lord Codfield more than he had expected to. And that feeling of respect made him question the way he had behaved.Hadhe been unkind to Lady Hannah? He certainly hadn’t intended to, but if he was honest, he would have to admit that it had been his intention to make her at least a little bit unhappy. He’d told himself that his reasons were sound, and perhaps they were, but it wasn’t a simple affair.
“I don’t wish to give her a false impression of my intentions,” Nicholas told Lord Codfield. “I worry that going out of my way to show her kindness—if overdone—might lead her to believe that there is hope for a marriage between us, and I wouldn’t want to let her think that when I know that it will never happen. That feels unfair.”
“And perhaps it is,” her father agreed. “But for this week, if nothing else, I beg you to deal with her gently. She’s unaccustomed to being rejected, and I know that her feelings are a bit hurt. Let her see that you find no fault with her as a person. That’s true, isn’t it?”
“Yes, that’s true.” True enough, anyway. He did not much like Lady Hannah, but he certainly wished her no hurt. “Of course I’ll honor your request, Lord Codfield. I have no desire to be unkind to your daughter.”
“Perhaps grant her a few dances over the course of the week,” her father suggested. “I understand that you didn’t dance with her tonight because you feel no interest in a match with her, and that’s certainly acceptable, but at the same time, I saw the way it affected her to be ignored, and that hurts me as a father. It wouldn’t cost you too much to dance with her, would it?”
“It would cost me nothing at all,” Nicholas agreed. “If that’s what you wish, Lord Codfield, I will be happy to oblige.”
He wondered whether he might regret making this agreement. But in the end, he knew, Lord Codfield wasn’t asking for that much. And if a few dances gave Lady Hannah false hope, it would be for her father to quench that hope. Nicholas couldn’t take any more responsibility for the situation than he already had.
He was pleased, he decided, with the interaction he’d had with Lord Codfield. There was no need to dwell on it any further.
