She inhaled deeply, looking around her. He knew that this must have been a deep secret, a heavy burden that she had been carrying for quite a long time. He had seen that look of being forced to hide the truth that had been buried deep inside. When their eyes met again, he could see that vulnerable Phyllis once again, the same one who appeared to him at dawn, pleading for what she believed she needed so desperately.
“I’ve seen what marriages are really like,” she started in a voice that spoke of centuries of wisdom that cut through the very soul.
He could sense that this was only the beginning of her story, so instead of replying, he merely moved closer to her. That simple act was enough for her to continue.
“My mother…” she said softly, biting her lip as she spoke. He knew that was an effort to displace the emotional pain that was washing over her now as she spoke of this. A part of him wanted to wrap his arms around her, to comfort her, but he resisted the temptation to do so. “She wasn’t happy with my father. She was pretending for years, but we could see underneath all that. The truth was that Father is a strict man, and all he cares about is his standing in society. We… his family, are just his pawns in obtaining that. My mother was his first victim. I’ve seen her be unhappy with him for years, and when she couldn’t take it anymore, she left. She left not only him, but us as well.”
Alexander stifled a silent gasp. He couldn’t even imagine that Phyllis and her sister went through something so traumatic as little girls, and he knew that those burdens lasted an entire lifetime. He knew, because he had one himself.
Gently, he took her by the hand underneath the table, where no one could see. She allowed him. It was so innocent, so naïve, but at the same time, their bond strengthened without either of them noticing.
“I was very angry with her for abandoning us, her own children. I mean, what sort of a mother does that? To just leave like that and never turn around, never wonder what happened to us… But I always held hope, against all reason, that one day, she would come back for us,” she confessed like a little girl who had but one wish. “She never did. I only heard of her again when she passed away, and by then… it was too late to change anything, to make amends.”
He squeezed her hand, and this time, she squeezed back.
“Unfortunately, that is not where the story ends. There was also our eldest sister, Charlotte,” she continued. “She married a man when she was just a debutante. She felt madly, irreparably in love with this man without even knowing who he truly was. He was so good at pretending to be someone he was not. At first, he appeared to be a very kind man, but soon, he…”
He could tell that what would follow would be even more difficult than what had preceded it. He gave her all the time in the world to share her story with him.
“He turned violent,” she finally revealed the man’s transgressions much to his own shock. “Charlotte had suffered greatly at the hands of this man, and we didn’t even know until she herself told us. I’ll never forget how she trembled to tell us about it, as if she had somehow caused it herself…” Her voice was so thin, so small, and Alexander had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her. He could sense how much she wanted to be comforted, but this was neither the time nor the place for such unexpected affections.
She continued immediately. “So, you see, I hoped at first that I was wrong about marriage, that it was simply the fact that my father was the man he had always been, cold and detached. But it is not only that. It is marriage itself. It brings out the worst in people when they are pushed beyond the brink of despair, and I have been proven right about this many a time. Marriage only brings sorrow, so it would be best to simply avoid it.”
Upon those words, she pulled her hand away from his. The tender moment was gone. They were back to who they had always been. A part of him didn’t want to allow this to happen, although he could now understand why she had been avoiding marriage. It made perfect sense. She had been betrayed by those she loved the most, without any means of ever hearing the words that might not make it better, but that might be the first steppingstone to her heart’s healing. Her mother was dead, and no apology or explanation would ever be offered as reparation.
The same happened with his father. The man had no intention of ever sharing the real state of affairs with any of them, with his own flesh and blood. Instead, he left this world, leaving the entire burden to them, without as much as a letter of apology or explanation. That betrayal felt the same as Phyllis’.
But he didn’t want to tell her that he had the same story which proved her point. He could see in her eyes that she couldn’t bear the burden of that. Instead, she needed something else. She needed to be reassured. And he knew exactly how to do that.
Suddenly, he gestured at Joyce. “Look at her,” he told Phyllis. She immediately did as he told her, looking expectantly in the direction of her smiling, beaming sister who looked like the happiest bride in the world. Her entire body was turned towards the viscount, and she seized every chance to touch his hand or his cheek. “What do you see?” he asked.
Phyllis smiled. Alexander couldn’t resist smiling himself. He wanted to show Phyllis that perhaps some people deserved the happiness they would receive. That was the beauty of the unfairness of life. No one knew what they would receive, but that rewards were still out there, for the fortunate few.
“I see my sister,” Phyllis replied, not taking her eyes off of Joyce. “I see a happy young woman.”
“As long as you see that, there is no need to worry,” he told her.
She turned to him, her eyes sparkling. She didn’t say anything, but he could sense her gratitude in the very way she looked at him, and that was more than enough.
CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
Phyllis was surprised to find out the following day that she and Alexander would be left alone in their home, as it was considered to be their honeymoon. Truth be told, it was only customary to give the newlyweds some privacy, but Phyllis thought that Alexander would take into consideration their less than ordinary circumstances and would find a way to keep both his mother and brother around. Much to her surprise, that did not happen.
With Alexander locked up in his study and emboldened by the welcoming nature and kindness of all those employed at the mansion, she decided not to waste this time. With a heart full of excitement and a touch of nervous energy, she took it upon herself to make some transformative changes around the grand estate during her honeymoon. Somehow, she felt that it should be a time of renewal, rebirth, a time for blossoming. If she could not blossom herself, at least her new home could.
She remembered that the garden had a lot of potential, but it needed a lot of work. She strolled through the pathways with the gardeners, envisioning a garden that might mirror what a new union was supposed to be like. It didn’t need to be all weeds and overgrown hedges, which despite Alxander’s work in the garden, still reigned. There could be more blossoms, there could be new pathways, which might merge somewhere close to the fountain. New ideas developed inside her head, led by a desire to make the best of a bad situation.
“We could plant some vibrant flowers over there,” she spoke to the two gardeners who both listened intently, watching her finger move across the half-barren landscape. “Maybe we could create a burst of color that complements that lush greenery of the shrubs? What do you think?” She turned to them.
The two men seemed to have been caught off guard, but the moment when they realized that she was asking for their opinion instead of simply giving them orders and instructions, they joyfully shared some ideas of their own. They made a plan that was possible to implement within the following several weeks, and the best part was that it did not require that much investment at all, because the older gardener revealed that he had saved many seeds from the last year’s blossoming flowers, and he kept them all safely in a nearby shed.
“Splendid!” Phyllis clapped her hands cheerfully, overjoyed that things seemed to be working in their favor. “We could start as soon as tomorrow. What do you say?”
The two men nodded with smiles on their faces, agreeing to prepare everything for the following day. Phyllis had lunch on her own that day, with Alexander excusing himself with a lot of work. Marred by very little appetite, Phyllis forced a few bites down, merely not to be hungry. Upon finishing the little food that she had on her plate, she went to the estate’s library, a room of quiet sophistication, which had already become her haven. She spent the entire afternoon reorganizing the shelves, adding her favorite novels, and creating cozy reading nooks with plush warm chairs and warm lighting.
Later in the afternoon, just before dinnertime, she went to the stables. She always had a love for horses, but her father had deemed this quality unladylike, which meant that she always had to hide this side of her. She wondered if perhaps, Alexander would not mind. She went to see the stables, and upon closer inspection, realized that these majestic creatures needed so much more than they had been provided. She made plans to introduce improvements to their living spaces, creating an environment that reflected her care for these wonderful animals.
In the meantime, she had scattered personal touches throughout the mansion. She ordered some paintings and sculptures that would adorn the hallways and the chambers upon their arrival. She chose pieces that would tell a story, reflecting the journey she had been on. Her purpose was to create an ambiance that would feel both regal and intimately personal, in an effort to keep the spirit of this ancient home untouched but bring a breath of fresh air into its forgotten corridors.
