“I’m glad we have a moment to ourselves,” she suddenly heard him say, his voice pulling her from the dark recesses of her own tormented mind. “Because I have been wondering about something, which I hope you might clarify for me.”
She gave him a puzzled look. Was there anything else to discuss? Despite this lingering question, she didn’t say anything out loud. Instead, she waited for him to continue, as they paced languidly through the garden. The tension was still there, and though he remained outwardly reserved, there was a subtle softening in his words that caught Phyllis off guard.
“Phyllis,” he suddenly said her name, which made her entire body tighten. She couldn’t understand why he was resorting to this familiarity, when they had taken a metaphorical step away from each other. Regardless, she allowed him to continue. “This all has come as quite a surprise for me, starting with our…” he paused for a moment, looking about to assure that they were alone, which she appreciated, “secret rendezvous at the park, where you insisted on this marriage.”
“I thought it would be what you wanted,” she quickly tried to remind him that he needed this marriage as much as she did. She felt lacking in patience for a topic that needed no more discussion when everything had already been settled.
“I’ve already agreed to your first proposal,” he reminded her without any judgment, “which was to pretend that we are betrothed.”
“Yes, until my sister’s wedding,” she agreed.
“What I don’t understand is why you’re insisting on us actually getting married, when that was exactly the opposite of what you wanted?” he finally clarified his suspicions.
She swallowed heavily, realizing that he deserved an explanation. After all, he agreed immediately. She didn’t need to convince him. And she did change her mind quite drastically. It was only to be expected that he would be curious regarding what had happened. She sighed before speaking.
“Certain things have happened, and… my father has demanded of us to marry before Joyce can marry the viscount,” she explained, hoping that this would be enough.
“Is it because of what happened at the ball?” he asked, although there was no judgment in his voice still. It was a simple question.
“So… you know?” she asked with a trembling voice.
He hesitated for a moment, but his response was obvious, although it was not meant to hurt her in any way. “Everyone knows, Phyllis.”
She sighed heavily, feeling a sense of despair wash over her. “I knew that already. I don’t even know why I asked…”
“Because you were hoping that things aren’t as bad as you thought them to be?” he asked again.
All she could do was nod. It was difficult to continue, but she had to. “It would appear that I am the only thing standing in the way of my sister’s happiness with the man she loves.”
He locked eyes with her, his filled with concern and tenderness, something she hadn’t seen before.
“Maybe... things don’t have to be as bad as you think they are,” he suddenly said.
“What do you mean?” She had no idea what he was trying to tell her, but for some reason, she was hopeful about everything.
He hesitated for a moment, as if he were trying to come up with the right words to express himself. “Aside from your dowry, I have no intention of imposing any restrictions on your life. You may continue to live as you wish.”
The words hung in the air, a surprising echo of understanding that seemed incongruent with the formalities of their engagement. Phyllis, momentarily taken aback, looked at him with a hint of disbelief. Was this a genuine offer of freedom, or a mere formality delivered with practiced composure?
As they continued to promenade, Alexander elucidated on his stance. “I have no desire to dictate what you do. Your pursuits, your social engagements, they will be your own. Our arrangement, though formal, need not shackle you beyond the necessary conventions.”
Phyllis, caught between skepticism and a flicker of relief, considered his words. The garden, witness to so many moments of contemplation, seemed to hold its breath in anticipation. For a brief moment, the weight on her shoulders lifted, only to be replaced by the gravity of the situation. She was upholding an icy mask to conceal the turmoil within.
“Your magnanimity is duly noted, Your Grace.” She made sure to address him as propriety dictated, despite his formed resorting to a more familiar means of address. “Rest assured that I am aware of the constraints of our engagement, and I know what is to be expected of me. You need not fear that.”
Alexander, seemingly unfazed by her chilly demeanor, nodded solemnly. “I understand that this arrangement is unconventional, but I assure you that it is in both our interests. I’m certain that we can find common ground if we both communicate our wishes openly.”
“I appreciate your candor and I’m grateful for your reassurances,” she replied, not really certain what to tell him. Then, she stopped, inhaling deeply. This conversation was taking a toll on her. She didn’t want to prolong it any longer. “Now, if you will excuse me, I feel lightheaded. I shall retire to my chamber if you don’t mind.”
“Of course,” Alexander bowed immediately.
Before he lifted his gaze to meet hers again, she turned away from him and rushed back to the house. She purposefully avoided passing by the drawing room, where she knew that her father would be waiting, probably watching through the window. She didn’t want to explain herself anymore. After all, what was there to explain? She had done everything others wanted of her. She felt as if her own life was no longer her own, and it was breaking her heart.
She tiptoed as fast as she could up the stairs, trying not to be heard, heading down the elongated corridor towards her chamber, but before she managed to grip the doorknob, she heard her name being called out.
“Phyllis?” A trembling voice echoed through the corridor.
Phyllis swallowed heavily. She could feel her sister’s eyes boring into the back of her neck. She didn’t want to turn around. She wanted to slink into the confines of her chamber and hide away from everyone. She wanted to be engulfed into quiet solitude to try and come to terms with what had been happening to her. However, she knew very well that she couldn’t do that. So, she turned around and faced her sister, whose eyes bore into hers with tender concern.
