Of course, I keep forgetting. You did not do it for me.
One sister had been saved, but there was another, waiting out in the carriage, who still believed she was in the midst of a courtship. And after that daring rescue, Phoebe understood that there was nothing she could deny Daniel, even if it crushed her.
CHAPTERTHIRTY
Riding alongside the carriage with the afternoon sunlight on his face and the rescue a success, Daniel knew he should have felt elated.
Jacob might have been a greedy, petty sort of fellow, but he would not be foolish enough to risk extradition to the battlefields on the Continent for the sake of ruining Ellen’s reputation. The fifty pounds had merely been a last attempt to claw back some power, and a meager one at that. Though, Danielwouldsend the money to Jacob, perhaps with a little note to reiterate the warning.
Most importantly, Ellen was safe, fast asleep in the carriage with her sisters.Everyonewas safe, but where relief and gratitude should have been, Daniel felt strange. It was a sensation he could not explain, though it seemed to be in four quarters: a quarter of emptiness, a quarter of fear, a quarter of anger, and a quarter of regret. And it was not entirely the events of the afternoon that had allowed those feelings to take root inside him, for the events of the morning and last night had wound themselves around his heart, too.
I was so busy thinking about how shemight struggle without me. I did not stop to consider how I am supposed to live my life without her.
His head was sore as a thousand thoughts of Phoebe ricocheted through his skull. It had seemed so simple before last night. Now, it felt impossible.
He contemplated the overwhelming terror that had struck him that morning, when he had heard that Phoebe had gone in pursuit of Jacob. He had chased after her without a single thought about the potential risk to his own life. He had marched into that inn bedchamber without any fear for his own life either, his focus entirely on ensuring that Phoebe was safe.
I will drive myself to madness.
He imagined the future where they were apart, where he spent his days worrying if she was all right.
No… No, I will not. At her home, no harm can come to her. I will know that she is safe there.
As if hearing his thoughts, the carriage window slid down, and Phoebe poked her head out. “I thought you ought to know, while the girls are asleep, that I intend to leave after your wedding. My father has a sister in Scotland, and though she does not like to visit, she has always cherished me, and I have always loved it there. I expect that is where I shall find myself. It is… peaceful there.”
Though she had not raised her hand, it felt like she had struck him hard across the face. The shock of it rippled down into his chest, driving a cold blade through his chest.
“What about your friends?” Daniel blurted out, though what he really wanted to say was,“No. That is… too far away from me.”
Phoebe leaned further out, turning her gaze toward the horizon. “We will write to each other, we will visit each other. It will not be as easy as it once was, but our friendship will not falter.”
“Well, should you not consider Ellen? She will need you for some time, after the unpleasantness she has experienced.” He could hear the urgency in his voice, but he hoped she could not.
Phoebe sighed. “As Joanna will be a married woman by next Season, she will be the one escorting Ellen to all of the events and gatherings. My presence will not be needed anymore. I was never a true chaperone anyway, though everyone was content to turn a blind eye, considering my position as a renowned spinster.” She paused. “Until next Season, Ellen can decide if she wishes to stay at Woodholme Manor, at Westyork, or with me in Scotland. I imagine she shall choose the second, for she does adore Caro.”
“No!” Daniel finally erupted, panic shivering through his chest.
From within the carriage, sleepy mumbles filtered out of the window. His exclamation had clearly been louder than he had realized, prompting the twins to stir from their nap.
“You shall wake them, bellowing like that!” Phoebe hissed, but her tone was more surprised than angry, her expression a reflection of it.
Daniel gathered himself quickly. “I did not mean to shout, but I think you are being too hasty with your decisions.”
“I am not being hasty, I am being wise,” Phoebe replied thickly. “It is best for everyone if I am no longer there to… get in the way of everyone’s futures. Indeed, though I wish she had heeded me in the first place, I do not believe Ellen will make another mistake like that again. I do not need to hold onto the reins so tightly anymore.”
Daniel racked his brain. “Of course, there is your father to consider. What will he do without you?”
“I plan to employ a valet for him,” she said without pause as if she had anticipated his question.
“But I remember you once telling me that there was little money for more than you already have. How can you afford a valet for him?” He sounded desperate, but he no longer cared. She could not leave.
Phoebe cast him a pointed look as if it should have been obvious. “After Joanna is married, there will be money for my father. Plenty for a valet. Indeed, is that not why ladies of our station marry well? To help their families?”
“I still think you are being too rash,” he chided, unable to come up with another reason why she might stay. Not one he could say aloud, anyway.
“Well, it is fortunate for me that it does not matter what you think,” Phoebe replied, smiling sadly. “Your concern must only be for Joanna. I have everyone else in my thoughts and shall put plans in place before my departure. But Iwillbe leaving after your wedding.”
She withdrew back into the carriage, sliding the window up once more. A definite end to a conversation he was not yet finished with.
