“Do you have any notion of what those gowns cost for someone like me?” Her voice was quieter, drawing his attention. “You never sought to make it right by genuinely offering to replace them. You never apologized, or if you did, you did so with an amused grin on your face, as if it were the most amusing thing.”
He blinked. “I laugh when I am uncomfortable.”
“And I am supposed to know that? I, who sees the stains and tears and knows it means trying to patch and sew in a way that will make the alterations unnoticeable?”
Guilt churned in his stomach. “Well, I bought you another gown. I bought it, it is sitting in my chambers, and… I have wanted to make things right between us, but I did not know how to give such a thing to you. I have never given any woman a gown before, other than my mother and sister, and I did not want it to seem like it was a gift instead of an apology. I did not want… certain people to misunderstand.”
“What?” She frowned at him. “You… bought me a gown?”
Daniel took a breath. “Do not worry, it is not mustard yellow.” He shook his head. “Now, I do not know if I want to give the gown to you at all if I am so devoid of manners and so without merit. Tell me, why is it that you cannot see anything beyond a gentleman’s wealth and manners?”
“I beg your pardon!” she gasped in outrage. “Tellme, why is it that you can only see worth in a lady’s beauty and nothing else? I have barely seen you hold a meaningful conversation with my sister, treating her as if she is a mere ornament to display on your arm.”
Daniel could not stand the accusation, nor the angry frown on Phoebe’s face. He could not bear to think that she thought so little of him, or that he would judge anyone based solely on their looks, for despite her being the most beautiful woman in any room, it was that wildness and that liveliness he had seen at this very tree that had captured him more than her appearance ever could. It was her fearlessness, her laughter, her jokes, her enthusiasm.
She was not talking about herself!his mind warned desperately, but he could not take heed of it through the thrum of blood that rushed in his ears.
He grasped her hand, pulling her toward him. She gave a yelp of surprise, staring at his hand holding hers, though she did not try to wrench it free.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her astonishing eyes fixed on him. Even then, she did not attempt to pull away.
“I cannot bear this,” he whispered thickly, his heart ablaze, overcome with a sudden sort of madness. “I cannot bear it if you think of me that way. I cannot bear it if you hate me.”
She swallowed loudly. “I never said that I hate you. I said that—”
Before he knew it, his lips were on hers, silencing whatever cold thing she might have been about to say. And though he could not say it out loud, he hoped that his kiss conveyed what he wished he could say—thatshewas the distraction, thatshewas the reason he had been unkind, for both their sakes, thatshewas all he could think about, and he did not know how to make it stop.
His hand came up to cradle her face, her skin warm beneath his palm. And as he caught her mouth with his, still spurred on by that very particular madness, his heart soared as he felt her kiss him back. A hesitant press of the lips, then another, then another, slowly echoing the movement of his. And though it might have been the fear of toppling off the branch, rather than a need to touch him, his soul stirred as she pressed her palms against his chest, where she could undoubtedly feel the thudding charge of his heart.
I wish I could explain why I am doing this,his mind whispered, bringing with it the sharp sting of reality. It cut clean through him, freezing his body, halting his lips mid-kiss.
After all, there was a very good reason why it had to be Joanna and not someone who could truly capture his heart.
He pulled back slowly, his hands on Phoebe’s shoulders, pushing her away with as much gentleness as he could muster, when, in truth, he wanted to leap right down from the bough and run without looking back, for he suspected that the hurt on Phoebe’s face would kill him.
“I should not have done that,” he said thickly, unable to look her in the eye. “I apologize. I… do not know what came over me. Goodness, I am so very sorry.”
He swung his leg over the bough, aware that the drop to the ground was rather high, but not high enough to hurt him on impact. “Please, forgive me. I… should not have done that.”
He dropped down to the ground, eliciting a gasp of alarm from Phoebe. He landed squarely, a small jolt of pain shooting up his ankles, but as he took a few steps forward, the pain faded.
Thankful that he had not broken anything, he kept right on walking, fighting the urge to look back. There was no harm done… not in the physical sense, at least.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
Phoebe had never experienced guilt like the kind that slithered in her belly as she made her shaky return to the manor, a seething mass of shamefaced serpents that writhed around each other, making her feel nauseated.
It had been half an hour since Daniel had walked off, leaving her on the bough, wondering if she had drifted off to sleep without realizing and had dreamed the entire thing. But the tingle on her lips told her otherwise, as did the gnawing guilt.
I should have pulled away.I should not have allowed it. I should not… have enjoyed it. Goodness, how awful am I, that I could enjoy such a thing at my sister’s expense?
She wanted to cry and scream at once, appalled that, the very minute Daniel had taken hold of her hand, she had had an inkling of what might happen, and had done nothing to stop him. Worse, that she had wanted to be kissed by him.
“I am the worst person in the world,” she hissed, smearing tears from her cheeks as she stalked back through the gardens. “I encouraged him. I should have kept telling him to leave until he obeyed!”
She did not know who she was talking to, but it calmed her somewhat to spill her woes into the night air.
If Joanna finds out, she will despise me.
