“I’ve always tried to be honest with you,” Margaret said. “That’s the kind of relationship I want us to have, Lydia. I want you to feel as though you can confide in me, and I think the best way to make you feel safe to do that is by confiding in you. And it’s also my personality. I don’t like to keep my thoughts to myself. I want to be free to say what’s on my mind at all times. I think I see the same quality in you.”
“I like to feel as if I can speak my mind,” Lydia agreed. “And it does help me to know that you’re the same way. It feels like a more acceptable thing to do, somehow, knowing that someone I look up to feels the same way I do about it.”
“You should always feel free to express yourself in your own home and with your own family,” Margaret a. “And that is what Edward and I are. No matter how difficult things are for you right now, I don’t want you to forget that weareyour family. I care about you very much.”
“Thank you,” Lydia said quietly.
“Believe me, Lydia,” Margaret said as they sat down. “I’ve been where you are right now, and I know how it feels. I know what it’s like to find yourself married to someone who only wants you for what you can do for him. In my case, it was helping to raise his children. In yours, it’s that he wants to impress the men he does business with. But either way, it means they don’t see us for what we really are. They don’t see the potential for love. It’s enough to make a lady feel as though she’s wasting her life.”
“Was that how you felt?”
It was a thought Lydia had had in her darker moments, though she didn’t like to say it out loud.
“I’ve felt that way many times,” Margaret admitted. “Even now, I feel sometimes as though my life was a waste. I was never able to have a child of my own. My husband never really loved me. I could had had more if I had married someone else.”
“But it’s too late now,” Lydia observed. “Yes, I know just how you feel.”
“I’m sure there are times you wish you could end your marriage to Edward,” Margaret said, watching Lydia closely.
“Oh, no,” Lydia replied. “That isn’t how I feel at all, actually. It’s hard, and it’s not what I hoped it would be, but… I do care for him. And I could hardly claim to care for him in one breath and wish I wasn’t married to him in the next.”
“It’s all right if your feelings are complicated,” Margaret said. She poured Lydia some tea and handed her the cup.
Lydia noticed that Margaret hadn’t taken any for herself—the tea must be a gesture to show that she understood Lydia was feeling anxious and wanted to help her calm down.
Lydia accepted it gratefully.
“My feelings are very complicated,” she said, breathing in the steam from the tea. It was still a bit too warm for her to drink, but just holding the hot cup was soothing to her. “But that isn’t the same thing as having regrets about my marriage. I know for certain how I feel about that. I suppose I wish I had known more before the wedding day. I wish I had more power to change the way things are going. But now that I’m here, I can’t regret the choices that brought me here. And I wouldn’t leave Edward even if I could. It wouldn’t feel right to do that.”
“Well, you’re a very kind-hearted lady,” Margaret said. “Of course, I knew that about you already. But I wonder if Edward knows what he has. My feeling is that he probably doesn’t. I wonder if he would treat you differently if he knew just how wonderful you are.”
“Oh, I don’t think anything I did would make any difference,” Lydia said. “Not after what you told me about the men in this family and the way they treat their wives. It doesn’t seem to matter what kind of person a lady is. It’s about him, not me. He’s the one who is the way he is, and nothing I could do would make him change.”
“That’s right,” Margaret agreed. “I’m so glad you understand that. You should drink that tea before it gets cold, by the way. I wouldn’t want the servants to have to take it away and make a fresh pot.”
Lydia nodded. The tea was still a little warm for her liking, but she didn’t want to seem ungrateful. She swallowed it so quickly that she didn’t have a chance to savor the taste, the way she would have ordinarily. It scalded her throat a bit as she swallowed, but Margaret smiled in satisfaction, and that made Lydia feel good. She did want to please Margaret.
“I’ll tell you what,” Margaret said. “I’ve just had a wonderful idea. You and I should go away to my country house until Edward returns.”
“I didn’t know you had a country house.”
“Well, I do, and it’s truly lovely. Sometimes I stay there for months at a time. I know Edward wishes I would just move out there permanently, but I couldn’t bear to be that far away from the family, and besides, the London social scene is too wonderful to pass up. But sometimes, a lady has to get away.”
“I understand completely, and I’d love to see it,” Lydia said. Her heart was racing. She hadn’t realized the idea of a getaway would excite her like this, but there was no denying that it had. “You don’t think Edward will mind?”
“If he does, there’s precious little he can do about it while he’s away in Bath,” Margaret replied. “And if he does dislike it, I’ll take responsibility when he returns. Come, Lydia. You know you deserve a getaway.”
“Well, all right,” Lydia agreed. “It sounds wonderful, actually.”
“Why don’t you go up to your room and have your lady’s maid help you pack a few things?”
“What will I need?”
“Nothing special. I imagine we’ll be gone for about a week. It will be all walks in the countryside and quiet evenings at home—very pleasant and placid. You won’t need to wear anything fine. Everyday gowns will suit.”
Lydia nodded. “I won’t need very long to pack,” she said. “Thank you so much, Margaret. This sounds wonderful, and I can’t wait. Sitting around this house has been so unpleasant, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I believed I was going to get to see Bath. But now, thanks to you, Iwillhave an adventure, even if it isn’t quite the one I originally had in mind.”
“That’s the spirit,” Margaret said happily. “You go and pack. I’ll just be down here making sure the staff knows we’re leaving. Do you think you can be ready in an hour?”
