For Edward’s part, he seemed to be trying just as hard to avoid her as she was to avoid him, and that made the whole thing somewhat easier. Given the fact that neither one of them wanted to be around the other, it was very rare, indeed, that their paths crossed incidentally.
But it did happen one day, about a week and a half after their unfortunate kiss and the argument that had followed.
Lydia had made arrangements to spend the day with Nancy. She was looking forward to the opportunity to get out of the house and was treating it as a bit of a special occasion. She’d spent longer than usual on her attire that morning, until at last Violet had intervened.
“You’re having tea with your friend, Your Grace,” Violet had reminded Lydia very gently. “I’m sure whatever you wear will be just fine.”
“I know that,” Lydia had mumbled. “And yet… I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to leave the house is going to be.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when am I going to go anywhere? Now that Edward and I aren’t getting along, it’s not as if I can count on him to take me to a ball or to the park. I’ll be cooped up in Westfrey for the rest of my days.”
“Your Grace, I think you’re borrowing trouble. You’ll have plenty of opportunities to socialize. You’re going out today, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes, but only to Nancy’s house. And even that feels like such an ordeal! I just don’t know how to relax and enjoy myself anymore, I’m afraid. Everything seems so important, as if it’s a vital moment that I must capitalize on or risk losing forever.”
“I wish I could understand why you feel that way,” Violet had lamented.
Lydia couldn’t explain it. She hadn’t told her lady’s maid about the kiss she and Edward had shared. She could imagine a world in which she would have wanted to talk about that—if the moments after the kiss had been filled with love and joy, and the story had been a happy one. But as things stood, it was too tragic to talk about. She couldn’t bear to see her own hope and sadness play themselves out again on Violet’s face as she related that tale.
But the kiss was the reason she was feeling so haunted lately. It felt as if that moment, stolen between them in Edward’s study, had been laden with import and significance. It felt as if their entire relationship had turned at that moment. And if that could happen—so suddenly, without her realizing that she was even in the middle of a life-altering moment—surely any other moment could be important like that too. It made it difficult to decide on anything.
She knew she needed to shake that feeling off. It was important to find a way to move forward without allowing the feelings she now knew she had for Edward to dominate her every thought. Today would be a good start. She would be able to get out of this house and have some fun with Nancy, and for a little while, she could forget all about everything that had been on her mind.
She turned away from the looking glass, deciding not to worry any more about what she was wearing. “Will you go let the footman know that I’m on my way down, please?”
“Of course, Your Grace.”
Violet hurried out of the room, and Lydia felt glad that her lady’s maid was accompanying her on this visit. It was good to have someone around her that she could consider a friend.
She went out into the hall, but there, she stopped.
Edward was standing there, only a few feet from her doorway. He almost looked as if he had been waiting for her, and yet she didn’t think he had if the startled expression on his face was anything to go by.
“Were you looking for me?” she asked him.
“No,” he said. “I didn’t know that you were in your room. You’ve usually left it already by this point in the day.”
Lydia hadn’t realized he tracked her movements that closely. She had assumed he was simply doing his best to ignore her.
“I’m going out,” she explained. “I was dressing.”
“You look very nice,” he said stiffly as if he was saying it because he thought he ought to, not as if he actually cared about how she looked.
“Thank you,” she replied, like him, speaking because she knew it was the right thing to say at the moment, not because she felt any particular gratitude for his comment.
“You said you’re going out,” he said. “Where are you going?”
“I’m having tea with Nancy,” Lydia told him.
Surprise registered on his face. At first, Lydia didn’t understand, but then, she thought perhaps she did.
Nancy was married to Edward’s brother. In another life, one where the two of them were friends—or more—they would have made this visit together. They would have had dinners with Nancy and Colin, and the four of them would have socialized together regularly.
It was hard to imagine that happening now. Lydia thought it would likely be more comfortable for her to spend time in Colin’s company than with her own husband. At least there was no tension there. She and Colin got along with one another and didn’t have to worry about any complications. With Edward, she never knew what to think.
“Well, I hope you have a pleasant afternoon,” Edward said after a moment. “Do you know what time you’ll be returning home?”
