“We were getting along so well,” she said. “He had even asked me to dance. I never expected him to do that.”
“Yes,” Colin agreed. “I’d say that’s the most surprising part of all—that he asked you to dance. If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I would never have believed that it had happened.”
“Well, shedoeslook beautiful,” Nancy pointed out. “It’s not so hard to believe that he might have wanted to hold her in his arms, seeing her looking the way she does today.”
“That has nothing to do with it,” Colin countered. “I never would have expected to see my brother dance withanylady, no matter how lovely she was.”
“But why not?” Lydia asked. “I mean, I can tell it’s not something he enjoys particularly, but he is a very good dancer. He must have practiced.”
She was surprised by how comfortable she already felt opening up to Colin, how easy it was to discuss things with him. She had to suppose that it was because of how easygoing and sociable he was, and while she didn’t feel jealous, she was very happy for Nancy that she’d married someone so accommodating. It must be much easier to be married to someone like Colin than it was to be married to someone like Edward.
And yet, Lydia realized, she wouldn’t have wanted to trade. She had come to enjoy the challenge Edward posed. She liked him and liked the way she had to work for his friendship. The challenge was exciting. She wouldn’t have wanted it to come too easily, the way it did with Colin. She could tell that Nancy was happy with her marriage, and she was happy for her friend—but it wasn’t what she would have wanted for herself.
And besides, although she liked Colin and was comfortable with him, she didn’t feel about him the way she was already beginning to feel about Edward. Her feelings for Edward had taken her by surprise, and they worried her more than a little, but she couldn’t deny them.
Colin shook his head. “I shouldn’t discuss it,” he said.
“But you already have,” Lydia pointed out. “You’ve already mentioned how surprising you find it that Edward would dance with me. You might as well tell me why that is.”
“It isn’t you,” Colin said. “But Edward swore he would never dance with a lady. Even on the occasion of his wedding, he took a vow that he would never do it.”
“So, that’s why he didn’t want us to dance together that day. I thought it was just that he wasn’t interested in me.”
“No, there’s more to it than that. He never planned on dancing—not with you or any other lady. He would be in violation of his oath if he did.”
“But why swear such an oath?” Nancy asked, confused. “It’s only dancing. And it isn’t as though he meant to remain a bachelor all his life.”
“Well, actually, he probably did mean to do that,” Colin countered. “This arrangement with Lydia took us all by surprise. But you’re right to say that the motivation isn’t the same. He wasn’t going to marry because he simply had no interest in marriage. When he changed his mind and married you, Lydia, it was not in violation of any oath.”
“And yet, hedidswear never to dance?” Lydia repeated. “Why swear such a thing? What could possibly be the point of it?”
“Is it just that he wishes to avoid the touch of a lady?” Nancy asked. “But—no, that can’t be it because if it was, he wouldn’t have married!”
Lydia said nothing. She hadn’t told her friend of the strange marriage she’d found herself in, and though she didn’t intend to keep it a secret forever—she wanted to be able to confide in Nancy—she certainly wasn’t ready to talk about it here and now, in front of Colin. She liked Colin and was learning to trust him, but that was different from being ready to open up to him about something so personal. It would be difficult even opening up to Nancy about this.
“No, that isn’t it,” Colin said.
“You sound as if you know what it is,” Nancy pressed.
“I do, but it’s his business to tell or not tell as he sees fit,” Colin said.
“But Lydia is his wife!” Nancy argued. “You ought to at least tell her, even if you don’t want to tell me. Doesn’t she have a right to know why her husband has sworn not to dance with her?”
Colin looked disturbed. “I think I assumed he would have told you,” he said to Lydia.
“He’s said nothing to me on the subject,” Lydia replied. “This is the first I’m hearing of it.”
“Well, you ought to know,” Colin said. “But I can’t be the one to tell you, I’m afraid. As I said, it’s his business, not mine, so you’ll have to hear it from him or not at all. But I advise you to be careful if you do speak to him about it. He guards his secrets jealously, and this isn’t something he’s accustomed to opening up to people about. I’ll be surprised if he’s willing to talk to you about it, but I do think it’s something you ought to know about, so I wish you luck, Lydia. Truly.”
Lydia turned toward the door that led out to the garden.
She was going to need to seek an answer to this new question.
CHAPTERNINETEEN
The dark solitude of the garden was a disappointment—not the soothing experience Edward had hoped for when he had left the ballroom. He prowled the paths, wondering if anything would make him feel better, suspecting that it wouldn’t. It had been a mistake to come out tonight. It had been a mistake to ask Lydia to dance. And it had been a mistake to dance with her on the night of their wedding, too.
How could he have neglected the fact that he had sworn never to dance with anyone again? How could that thought have slipped his mind so casually, as if it simply didn’t matter? Itdidmatter. More than almost anything, that mattered, and it made him feel both pained and furious to think that he could have lost track of something so important to him, so integral to his identity.
