“I know that being a part of this household is a distinguished position,” she said. “Iamthe Duchess, after all, even if this is the first real conversation you and I have had since I assumed that role.”
He was unprovoked. “The new hire?”
Lydia nodded. “The new stablehand is the son of one of the maids,” she said. “Ginger.”
“Oh, Ginger’s boy?” Edward relaxed. “That’s all right, then.”
“So… you don’t mind?”
“No, of course not. Ginger can be trusted. She’s served my family since I was a child. And I’m sure her son is just as trustworthy as she is. I hope he’ll do well in the new position. And you were wise to keep the hiring within the family. Very good.”
He turned his attention back to his papers.
Lydia frowned. Was that really it? He had nothing else to say about the audacity she’d shown? He wasn’t going to admonish her for making such a major purchase without speaking to him first? He didn’t mind that she had hired somebody?
She had expected a response at the beginning when she had redecorated the sitting room. It had been the first big thing she’d dared to do—the first act she had performed as a duchess. She was pleased with how it had turned out, but it had also been a very big project. She’d gotten rid of some of the old furnishings and had the walls repainted. She had replaced the rug.
It looked like a different room now. And while Lydia felt strongly that her version was both more modern and more beautiful, she had also spent the entire time expecting him to stop her one day, to tell her she had no right to make such major changes to the house.
He had said absolutely nothing. He hadn’t even given an opinion on the updated room when it was finished. It was as if he simply didn’t realize that his sitting room had been redone. He didn’t seem to care at all.
Lydia wondered just how far she would have to go to get a reaction out of him.
“Well, the stallions should arrive this afternoon,” she said. “If you’d like to come out and see them—they’re wonderful horses.”
“I’m sure they’re fine,” he murmured, and Lydia could tell that she only had half of his attention if that. “I won’t be able to get out there today. I have a lot of work to do.”
So saying, he gathered his papers and rose from the table, leaving her on her own once more.
Lydia found herself unable to muster any enthusiasm for her breakfast after that. She had to admit that she had been holding out quite a lot of hope for what would happen when Edward learned about the stallions, and now that the plan had fallen short, she was left feeling dismal and disappointed. It was hard to imagine anything she could do that she hadn’t already tried to get his attention. Redecorating the house hadn’t done it. Extravagant purchases hadn’t done it. Even hiring additional staff didn’t seem to pull his head away from his work. It felt like a constant, ongoing challenge at which she was perpetually failing.
Maybe I ought to stop trying. I’m only driving myself crazy trying to accomplish something I might never succeed at.
She got up from the table and wandered off. The stallions would be arriving at any moment—maybe they were already being delivered—but she would go down and see them in the afternoon. She didn’t want to get in the way while the stable hands were trying to get them settled into their new stalls. Lydia enjoyed riding, and she was looking forward to taking one of the new horses out, but it was difficult to focus on the enthusiasm she felt for that while at the same time feeling so disappointed by Edward’s response to the whole thing.
She was just going to have to try to find another way to get his attention, that was all. Even though her instincts were telling her to give it up, she was going to have to keep trying until something was successful.
She went out to the garden, which had become her habit after breakfast, and found Violet there waiting for her.
“I trust breakfast was satisfying?” Violet asked.
“Not exactly.”
“Shall I have something else brought out for you?”
“The food was fine,” Lydia said. “It isn’t that. But I’ve failed to attract my husband’s attention yet again. I just don’t know what I’m going to do anymore, Violet. It’s beginning to feel as though I could burn the house down, and he still wouldn’t pay me the slightest bit of attention.”
“His Grace does possess a rather unusual amount of focus,” Violet agreed. “It seems unlikely that he would ever turn his gaze away from what he’s doing. I don’t think it’s a flaw in you.”
“No, I don’t think it is either, I suppose,” Lydia agreed. “It’s the way he is. But it’s maddening. I feel as if I’m turning into a ghost, and I would do almost anything to have him acknowledge that I am a real person. I just want to feel as though my actions have meaning, Violet. It’s not enough to be free to do whatever I’d like. I want to feel like when I do something, that thing matters to someone. Even having him get angry with me would be better than feeling ignored like this, and I don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t try too hard to do too much,” Violet advised. “You don’t want to do something unwise out of the desire to gain his attention, after all. Just continue to do the things you would have done anyway, and eventually, something will attract his attention.”
“I’m not so sure,” Lydia said darkly. “I really thought the stallions were going to do it. Purchasing three new horses—I thought he wouldhaveto take notice. But I don’t know whether he even truly registered what I was telling him. If he expressed shock later at the fact that we have these horses, I wouldn’t be surprised!”
She set off walking along the garden path with Violet at her side.
“Perhaps you should abandon the idea for now,” Violet suggested gently. “I think you may have done all you could do, and it might serve you better to focus on your own happiness rather than on his attention. If he’s going to notice you, it will happen in due course, right?”
