“Only once, I am afraid.”
“So, it must have been true love, then,” the Duke replied. “If I may ask, what did it feel like?”
“Oh, it was heaven and hell all at the same time,” Lord Jonathan replied, remembering a fond memory of a time bygone. “She was the only woman who was able to ignite a fire inside of me, and yet, she wasn’t the right woman for me. Or so I thought, at the time.”
The Duke put his glass to the side, now fully engrossed in Lord Jonathan’s story. He felt that he was in the same position with Deborah.
“Why was she not right for you?”
A look of regret followed by an embarrassed smile graced Lord Jonathan’s features.
“I met her when I was a young man, and she had just made her debut. On our first day of meeting, we got into a bad argument on a topic that I don’t even remember now. All I recall now is that we held starkly different opinions.
“After that, I saw her at every ball for the rest of the Season. Even though the both of us tried our best to avoid each other, we somehow always ended up speaking by the night’s end. And always, it was an argument. At first, I thought that she was the most annoying woman who had ever walked the face of the earth. But as the Season drew to a close, her absence made me realize that I actually looked forward to speaking with her the most, despite the fact that we agreed on nothing at all.”
Henry could hardly believe what he was hearing. It was as though his uncle had lived his current situation in a past life, since this was eerily similar to how his dynamic was with Deborah.
“Is that when you realized you had feelings for her?”
Lord Jonathan nodded. “I didn’t want to admit it at first. But then, one day, when my mother brought up that I should get married soon, the realization dawned on me. She told me of many young women, but none of them held a candle to what I felt about Jane.”
“But, Uncle.” Henry frowned. “You never married.”
“I did not.” Lord Jonathan followed his words with a large gulp of scotch, as if he was trying to wash down the taste of regret. “Back then, when it came down to it, I took what I had with Jane for granted. I thought that it was just a passing infatuation. After all, her family was not as wealthy as mine, and my mother thought she would not be a good match for me.”
“And you listened?” The Duke felt his heart break for his uncle.
“I listened.” There was no hiding the look of regret in his uncle’s eyes. “Somehow, in our interactions with each other, Jane had fallen for me too, and by the end of the Season, she had expected me to propose to her. She waited for me, and I told myself that I would find someone just like her, but someone whom my mother liked as well.”
“But you never did?”
“Oh, no one ever even came close,” Lord Jonathan replied. “A few months later, she was already engaged to another gentleman, while I kept searching through crowds of women just to find someone like her. On her wedding day, I realized how big of a mistake I had made and vowed to never marry.”
The Duke was speechless. He was deeply moved by his uncle’s story, albeit spooked by the similarities of their dilemmas.
When he looked at the older man now, he wondered if he was looking at his future self.
Would letting Deborah go lead him to the same fate that his uncle was now suffering, having never married and having no heir to carry on his legacy?
Lady Joanna. I will not suffer the same fate, since I will marry Lady Joanna.
But the thought of marrying someone he didn’t love seemed almost worse than ending up alone.
“I didn’t mean to dampen the mood,” Lord Jonathan spoke up again, noticing that his nephew had gotten quiet. “Was that helpful to you in any way?”
“I think I might have been better off without hearing how your story turned out,” the Duke replied earnestly.
The two men refilled their glasses. It seemed Henry wasn’t the only one drinking to forget anymore.
“I do not mean to pry too much,” Lord Jonathan said after they had taken a break from speaking for a long moment. “But do you find yourself in a similar situation?”
“You could say that,” the Duke replied. “I am at a crossroad between my duty and love.”
“Is it really a crossroad, when you know love always weighs infinitely heavier?”
The Duke considered his uncle’s words, then took another sip. He wasn’t ready to come up with an answer just yet.
Before he could get to that point, the door to the study swung open once again, and this time, it was Nicholas who walked in. A playful grin adorned his face when he noticed the bottle of scotch on the table.
