Rachel smiled and picked up a pinch of the herbs. She sprinkled them in her own tea and took a sip.
“Oh,” she said. “I like the way these taste. They could be used simply for flavor, even if they don’t help with nightmares at all. You’ll definitely need to get your uncle to tell you what they are.”
“I’ll do that,” Madeleine agreed.
“Madeleine?”
“Yes?”
“What are your nightmares about?”
Madeleine hesitated. “That’s not something you need to hear.”
“But I’d like you to be able to talk to me about it,” Rachel said. “Wouldn’t you like to talk about it? Wouldn’t that make it easier?”
It was so very similar to what Thomas had said to her to get her to open up to him about her past. Madeleine felt a pang.
But she didn’t want to let Rachel in. She needed to focus on keeping people out, not letting them in. It was too risky to let anyone get close to her. The dream last night had reminded her of that.
She shrugged. “They’re just nightmares,” she said. “Just regular nightmares. I’m sure I’m not the only one who suffers from such an affliction.”
“I have nightmares sometimes,” Rachel agreed. “But they don’t bother me very much.”
Madeleine smiled at her. “That’s good,” she said absently.
Perhaps Rachel could sense that Madeleine didn’t really want to talk. She sat back in her chair and sipped her tea, gazing out the window.
As they drank, Madeleine felt herself begin to relax.
Whatever was in this teawashelping her. She didn’t know what effect it might have on her nightmares, but it was helping her relax right now, and that was a lot better than nothing.
She spent the rest of the day wandering idly around the manor. She was sure Thomas was looking for her—they had talked about spending time together today—but every time she heard footsteps approaching, she ducked into a room off to one side of the hall to wait for them to pass, and Thomas never managed to find her. She was glad. If he found her, he would likely question her reason for pulling away—she was sure he must have noticed. She didn’t want to explain just yet.
And more than that, she was afraid.
She was worried that if she let him get close, he would persuade her that she’d been wrong to pull away from him. Maybe he would pull her back in, and she didn’t think she could stand that. She wouldn’t have the strength to resist his charm. She had already given in to him once. She needed to make sure she was prepared before she tried to talk to him about the fact that she had changed her mind.
It was going to hurt him to hear that.
Maybe that was the most difficult thing of all. She really didn’t want to hurt him. But she didn’t know how to avoid it. It would be better to hurt his feelings now than to risk harming him with her curse.
I should never have given in to my feelings. It’s all my fault for letting myself get too close in the first place. I have no one to blame but myself for any of this.
She returned to her room, feeling sad and tired. For one blissful day, she believed all her worries were over—but of course they weren’t. She could never leave the truth of who she was behind her. She had been foolish to try.
From now on, she would keep away from Thomas.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE
Madeleine had been difficult to track down for the past couple of days. Thomas had been all over the manor looking for her, but he couldn’t find her. And on the odd occasion he did see her, she seemed to run away from him. She was constantly getting up and leaving the room whenever he walked in, even if she had been in the middle of something.
It happened in the library. He had thought he might find her here, and he was right. She was sitting by the fire, a book in her lap, but when she saw him come in, she startled like a deer and jumped to her feet.
“Where are you going?” he asked her.
“I’ll go read in my room,” she said. “I don’t want to be any trouble.”
“You’re not any trouble, Madeleine. I’ve been trying to find time alone with you for days, and I haven’t been able to do it. Don’t walk away from me now. Come back.”
