He just wished he knew why he felt a knot of sadness in the pit of his stomach every time he thought about that outcome—about her moving around Westcourt like a phantom, never speaking to him, never getting close to him.
It wasn’t as if hewanteda marriage. He had never wanted to marry. Every time he thought about having a wife or starting a family, it made him think about the way his father had treated his family. His mother insisted that his father had been lovely once and that the two of them had been in love, but all Thomas knew of him was the man who had gambled away all their money and driven them so far into debt that he, Thomas, had ended up with a knife in his gut. It was impossible to desire a marriage after that.
Except that whenever he looked at Madeleine, there was something in him that wished this could all be real.
She was beautiful, of course, and that was part of it, but there was more to it than that. He didn’t know how to explain that when he looked at her, he felt almost as if he was looking at himself. There was something about her that was deeply familiar.
He wanted her to be happy. That was all he knew. So he turned to Lord Keenward. “You needn’t worry,” he said. “You will always be welcome at Westcourt any time you and Lady Madeleine care to visit with one another. I’ll always be happy to have you there.”
“Thank you, Your Grace. That’s very generous of you. I may take you up on that offer.”
“We should arrange to have dinner soon after the wedding,” Thomas said. “You could come over to Westcourt. I know you’ll want to see how Lady Madeleine is settling in.”
Lord Keenward nodded. “We’ll make those arrangements,” he agreed. “How does that sound, Madeleine?”
“That would be lovely,” Lady Madeleine said, but as usual, Thomas wasn’t sure whether she was truly happy or merely acting happy. He never knew what to make of her.
Rachel hurried ahead of them. “I want to look in the milliner’s shop!”
“You have enough hats,” their mother said, but she smiled fondly at Rachel and quickened her pace to keep up. Thomas knew that his sister would be returning home with another new hat today. Their mother had a hard time saying no to Rachel, and Thomas couldn’t fault her for that. He, too, would have given Rachel anything.
“There’s Lord Cumberland,” Lord Keenward said. “I must go over and say hello to him. Do you mind, Your Grace?”
“Not at all,” Thomas assured him. “Lady Madeleine and I will be all right. Perhaps we’ll catch up with my mother and sister, and you can find us all at the milliner’s shop.”
“Very well, then.” Lord Keenward hurried off across the street in the direction of Lord Cumberland.
Lady Madeleine watched him go.
“Is it all right?” Thomas asked her. “My telling him that he could go, I mean. You didn’t want him to stay with us?”
“I don’t mind,” Lady Madeleine assured him.
She was looking at him, he realized. So often, she averted her eyes. And, if he was being honest with himself, he often did the same thing. But today, she was really looking at him, and he let himself return her gaze.
She really was lovely. He admired the way a loose lock of hair curled perfectly against her neck.
She frowned and turned away from him.
Too late, Thomas realized that he had been staring at the side of her face that featured her scar. He hadn’t been focusing on that at all, but he realized what she must be thinking. He reached out, took her by the hand, and turned her back toward him.
She didn’t meet his gaze.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I can’t wear those special gowns your mother had made for me every day,” she said. “There aren’t enough of them.”
“I don’t care for those gowns,” he said. “Wasn’t I clear enough when you were fitted for them, Lady Madeleine? I would be just as happy if you never wore those things.”
She frowned. “You don’t want to have to look at my scar, though.”
In answer, he lifted a hand and gently brushed his thumb against the line of her jaw.
Lady Madeleine breathed in sharply.
Thomas was rather shocked himself. He wouldn’t have dared to touch her like this in front of his mother—she would have given him an earful. He hadn’t even realized that he had been longing for this touch until now. But with his hand on her face at last, it was impossible to ignore.
This was why it pained him to think their marriage would be full of distance and estrangement.
