"I'm afraid not, my lord."
He still needed to find Edwin... but first, he wanted to see Alicia. For all he knew, this was the last time he'd have that chance. "I know it isn't proper, but could I see her? Just for a moment."
Although Doctor Ashburn's features remained stoic, he relaxed just a touch. "Of course."
When James saw her lying there in the bed, he almost wished he hadn't come inside. She was deathly pale, chest rising and falling in rapid gasps as she struggled to breathe. Her forehead was damp with sweat, but the rest of her was bone dry. When he settled by the end of her bed and placed a cool hand on her overheating forehead, she flinched.
Then, her eyes flickered open.
* * *
Alicia wavered in and out of consciousness, but never for long enough to piece together what was going on. She felt her heart flutter against her ribs like a baby bird, weak and slow. She came to for just long enough to hear voices in the hall, to glimpse a dark figure by her door before she was dragged under once again.
The next time she awoke, it was with a shuddering jolt as something cold touched her stomach. She tried to move, but her limbs felt heavy, and she couldn't seem to control them. Her eyes tried to open, and she saw the dark figure of an elderly man in a doctor's coat looming over her.
The third time, there was complete and perfect silence. The room was dark, not a single drop of light filtered through behind her eyelids. She stirred, feeling her lungs ache with the effort of the movement, and tipped her head to the side. That was when she heard the gentle rise and fall of someone's breathing, but it wasn't her own struggling rasps. It sounded likeJames,and how she knew that by his breathing was a mystery, but somehow, she knew it was him.
A cool hand touched her forehead. Then it reached down and squeezed her own slender hand. It was damp with sweat - or was it her own? - but that gentle little movement filled her with relief. He was here, by her bedside. Did that mean she was going to be all right? Surely, he had better things to do than worry about his sickly governess, and she was fine anyway.
No, you're not,a part of her criticized,don't act like this is normal.
Then her mind began to drift again, exhaustion tugging her back into unconsciousness. She fought it, struggling to flutter her eyes open and turned to look at James. For a moment all she saw was darkness; but bit by bit, she began to focus. He had pulled up a chair to her bedside, his tall frame leaning over the bed as he held her hand. Little by little, the details of him began to float into view. His hair was a disaster, sticking to his forehead in a way that made him look somehow childlike. Messy. Not like a proper lord should have looked. It was endearing, though, to see him so clearly distressed over her.
His bright blue eyes fixed on Alicia as she stirred. A gasp escaped his lips, as if he had never expected to see her move. "You're awake," he murmured, "Oh Alicia, I'm so sorry that this happened."
But what, exactly, had happened? Alicia tried to ask, but the words caught in her throat and her entire body screamed at her not to try. Her lungs felt fit to burst, but when she tried to suck down air it felt like she was getting nothing at all. She was all too aware of how her entire body trembled with each breath.
"Don't try to move too much," James insisted quietly, "Keep your strength. I promise, I'll find out what this is and then Doctor Ashburn can administer a cure."
Alicia tried to smile, but her face wouldn't cooperate. Her entire body felt like it was burning, but it was worst in her abdomen, where her organs all seemed to be fighting to lurch free of her body. When she tried to speak again, no words came out, and her whole body lit up in agonizing heat - but no matter how bad it was, her body didn't react. She still lay there, limbs limp and unmoving.
Somehow, that was even worse than the pain. Being too weak to even react to it.
"I know who did this," James murmured now, "and I'm going to stop him. It was Edwin, he poisoned the tea, but it was meant to be for me... God knows what he was thinking." James sucked in a breath, and it sounded like he wanted to cry.
Oh, how Alicia wanted to reach out to him. Her mind was so cloudy that she could barely think, but she knew he was hurting. He didn't deserve it. Not a sweet, wonderful man like him.
Somehow, with barely a flick of her wrist, she managed to squeeze his hand right back. His gaze snapped to her, wide and watery, but Alicia was already beginning to slip back into that dark unconsciousness.
Maybe it was her imagination; but as she drifted away, she thought she heard someone sayI love you.
Chapter Twenty-Three
When James slipped from Alicia's bedroom, it was with renewed determination lighting a fire in his chest. Hewasgoing to find Edwin; and Edwin was going to pay for what he did.
It took a long time to track him down. As the night stretched on and the world got darker, it was easier for Edwin to slink around unnoticed or hide somewhere that James would never think to look. He didn't try to hide, though, which was the odd thing - James found him in the rose gardens, sipping from a glass of white wine as he admired the beautiful rose bushes surrounding him.
It was almost as if he was celebrating. He hadn't even hurt the one he wanted to, but apparently ruining Alicia's life and nearlykilling herwas a reason to celebrate.
"Edwin," James said coldly, "this is where you've been hiding?"
Edwin's blue gaze flickered up. He sat on one of the elegantly carved wooden benches; the very same one that James and Alicia had sat on together. "Not hiding," he said coolly, "just enjoying the wonderful night. What do you want?"
"What Iwant,is for you to tell me what poison you used in that tea. That poor cook's boy, Jacob, was in fits thinking it was his fault Alicia was sick! But it was allyou,threatening him and acting like it wasnothingwhen I told you Alicia had fallen ill." He strode forward, jabbed an accusing finger Edwin's way. "You're disgusting, do you know that? Cruel and awful - and look at you, you're not even ashamed of it. You hurt someone innocent because of your carelessness. Do you even have a conscience?"
Edwin's features began to waver, but not in guilt. His lips twisted into a snarl, hands going stiff by his sides. Ever so slowly, he set down the glass. "Why should I feel guilty? It's true that the poison wasn't meant for young Alicia - but it's only a little mishap on my part."
Mishap.That was it? He thought it was some innocent accident, like misplacing an item or forgetting someone's birthday? God, he was even more disgusting than James thought; and he wasn't evendenying it.The brutal honesty was most painful of all. "This isn't a mishap; this is a woman's life you're playing with. How could you be so heartless?"
