"Guilty? For what?"
She only offered an awkward shrug in reply, lips caught between her teeth. Although she kept her eyes forward, James didn't miss the flicker of nerves across her face. "Why else would you spend so much time with me? I'm only a governess, here to look after your siblings; yet you treat me almost like family."
James faltered. He stopped in the middle of the path, wide eyes turning to Alicia. Did she really think so little of him? Or was it her own insecurities taking over? "Miss Sempill," he said calmly, offering her a gentle smile, "youarefamily. The children think of you as such, and I've come to care deeply for you myself." This was dangerously close to a true confession; and now that it was on the tip of his tongue, he couldn't quite manage to finish.I love you,he wanted to say. Instead, he added, "Governess or no, you belong here with us."
Well, it wasn't quite what he had aimed for, but despite the nerves rolling in his stomach, James didn't have it in him to be disappointed.
She offered him a gentle smile, soft laugher rumbling in her chest. James loved her laugh, thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard; it was light and musical, even when she tried to muffle it behind her sleeve.
"I mean it," he added, "having you here has done wonders for everyone in this house. Even Edwin, although he doesn't plan on staying for long enough to get to know you, I'm afraid."
She only shrugged. "I've still been mostly avoiding him, which isn't difficult honestly. He spends a lot of time locked away in his study. Is he always like this?"
James' chest stuttered, disappointed by the change of topic. He wasso closeto confessing, but now his chance was gone. "Not always," he replied softly, "but he withdrew once mother died, and now he's worse than before."Because of father's death,he added silently. There was no need to say it aloud.
Alicia hummed, and she was about to reply before her eyes snapped wide, lips forming a small, silento.
Then a voice called, "James, how good to see you!", as the click of heeled boots drew ever closer. James didn't have to turn to know who it was.
Agatha.
Chapter Nineteen
The sight of Agatha, her blonde hair tumbling over her shoulders like a yellow waterfall, turned Alicia's mood sour within seconds. She watched as the woman in question strode up to them, tossing her hair over her shoulder, and beamed at James.
"How are you?" she asked, completely ignoring Alicia. "I was in the vicinity, and I thought we could have tea?"
"Agatha, I don't think-"
"All three of us, even?" She turned her green gaze to Alicia. Their eyes were strikingly similar, Alicia noticed; Agatha's eyes were a pale sort of teal, but under the bright sunshine they were almost the same as Alicia's jewel toned green. It wasn't a comparison that Alicia wanted to make, yet here she was.
"Agatha," James said softly, placing an arm on her shoulder. He frowned, thick brows furrowed. "This isn't really the time. You usually write."
"Like I said, I was in the area." She shrugged dainty shoulders. "Now. Tea?"
James scowled, but he relented. "I was planning on having tea brought outside for Alicia and me," he said coolly, "but there won't be enough for three. Please, Agatha, go home. You can visit another day."
But Agatha held her ground, arms folded across her chest as she rolled her eyes in such a dramatic way. "Really? Once you would havejumpedat the chance to spend time together. What changed?" Her gaze flickered to Alicia with a scowl. "I'll tell you what changed;her.Things were great between us before she came along, and now everything is different."
Alicia felt anger bubble up inside of her. Despite her best efforts, she found her hands curling into fists until her knuckles turned white.
Agatha didn't notice. She was too busy glaring at James, as if he were the sole cause of everything wrong in the world. "I don't understand it," she snapped, "everything wasperfect.Then she had to come along and ruin it for both of us." Tears sprang to her eyes then, and Alicia felt a little jolt of sympathy that she tried to push down. "We've always been so good together; we were going to getmarried-"
James choked, a hand flying to clamp over his lips. "We were never going to get married, Agatha. You know it." He couldn't seem to look at Agatha now, his gaze fixed on the ground as he spoke. "We've always been friends, but nothing more. Please stop acting like we're more than that."
Fresh tears spilled down Agatha's cheeks - and Alicia couldn't help but think that James had been too cold, even to her. Through gritted teeth she said, "My lord, please don't be so harsh."
"I don't need your pity," Agatha snapped, and she swiped angrily at the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I have better places to be than here, anyway." Then she turned on her heel and stormed off down the path, back towards the driveway in the distance. A carriage waited for her, and she climbed inside without even waiting for the coachman's assistance.
"Tea, my lord?" James and Alicia turned to see Nora holding a tray with two teacups, and a little pitcher of milk. She smiled awkwardly. "Was that Lady Agatha I just saw leaving?"
"It was," James said simply, "thank you for the tea, Nora."
They settled down to drink their tea, at a little table near the rose gardens. The sweet, perfumed scent of the flowers calmed Alicia's nerves, at least enough so she didn't feel too shaky as she reached for her tea. She added a healthy amount of milk, and just a little sugar to settle her stomach.
James did the same to his, although he didn't drink right away. Instead, he swirled the tea around in the cup, staring into the milky depths with a frown. "I'm so sorry for Agatha," he murmured, "it seems all I ever do is apologize on behalf of people I know."
Alicia's heart ached for him. She smiled, hoping to put him at ease, and said, "You have nothing to apologize for. She loves you, and I don't think she understands why you spend so much time with me. Truthfully, neither do I."
