I watch how relaxed and happy they look together, and a pang of jealousy hits me. Because I ache for what they have: that easy connection and physical affection, the quiet understanding that the other one will always be there. Maybe Haisley and I can have that someday.
“How can such a small thing produce so much shit?” I ask, covering my nose with my free hand as we try to clean up the mess.
Haisley looks just as horrified as I feel, holding the wipes. “This is—this is unnatural.”
I grunt, eyeing the absolute disaster in front of us. “We need to get her checked for superpowers. This goes against science and everything I know about the world.”
Tilly, looking completely unbothered, kicks her small feet in the air from her spot on the changing table. She giggles, a sound I’m starting to love, like she hasn’t committed a crime in her diaper.
Haisley groans. “How do parents do this every day? And even worse, multiple times a day.”
“Maybe some kind of secret training we haven’t been invited to yet?” I joke, trying my best to handle the situation. “Okay, I got this. Hand me the wipes.”
She shoves them at me. “You’re a good man, Rasmus Westerholm.”
“Remember this when you call me an asshole next time?”
I finish the job, securing the new diaper with what I think is a pretty impressive skill, considering this is my first time. Those YouTube videos I’ve watched lately about parenting helped.
The kid beams up at me, her chubby hands reaching for me.
“You better not fill that diaper again tonight, little lady,” I warn as I lift her in my arms.Yup, I’m now a pro at handling tiny humans.
Haisley watches us, a small smile on her lips. “Honestly, this is kind of…sweet?”
I raise an eyebrow in question. “Sweet?”
“You with a baby. It suits you.”
I start to speak and the kid squeals, grabbing a fistful of my hair.
“Fuck, I mean…what are good kid-proof words to curse with?” I ask, prying Tilly’s shockingly strong fingers loose.
“Rose loves to use the wordfudge.”
“Okay, that wasfudgingrevenge for earlier. I think she was offended by my words.”
“I mean, babies do enjoy grabbing things they see near them.”
“But my hair?”
“Well, at least you now know to be prepared for that as well.”
“Maybe I’ll cut my hair before the baby arrives.”
“Don’t!” Haisley whisper-shouts and blushes. “I mean, I really like it longer.”
“Good to know,” I say with a smug grin.
After we clean the changing table and put Tilly in new pajamas, we move to the living room. Haisley sits on the floor with Tilly, showing her the playmat and the different animals printed on it.
Seeing her in this setting makes it even easier to imagine her as a mother. She’s caring, pays attention to the trivial things, and seems to love babies.
And I’m the lucky bastard who gets to have one with her.
Damn. I truly hit the jackpot, didn’t I? Well, I wouldn’t call a broken condom luck, but still. I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. That should scare me, but weirdly enough, it doesn’t. I’m blessed to have this with her.
“Want to join us?” Haisley asks.
