“I did not see that coming. How did you come up with that?”
“My mother was one before she had me and my brother, so I want to follow in her footsteps. She stayed home raising us while my father was the pastor of our local church.”
I can’t help but notice how she uses the past tense when talking about her parents. But we’re still practically strangers, so I leave the topic to another time. “Fair enough.”
“But let’s talk more about you and your sisters; you’re way more interesting than little old me.”
“I wouldn’t say that. You truly fascinate me, Tanya.”
“Hardly,” she looks away from me for a moment.
“It’s true.”
Tanya crosses her arms over her chest protectively. “How in the heck? You have an English professor, a museum curator, a tattoo artist, a vet, and a Ph.D. student in your family…and your dad is an NYPD cop, for heaven’s sake. How could you think I’m the fascinating one compared to all that?”
“You don’t get it yet, but everything you say intrigues me. I want to know more.”
“I’ll tell you more about myself some other time, but let’s return to how cool you are.”
I raise my eyebrows questioningly. “Why is that?”
“It seems like you all are pursuing something you love. That makes you cool in my book.”
“Yeah, well, life’s too short for doing shit you don’t want to do.”
She winces and gets up again, flouncing toward the ensuite. “Not everyone can choose what they want from their life, you know.”
“Hey, did I say something wrong?” I ask, hating that I can’t get up and go after her. Damn you, bed rest.
She hesitates momentarily but turns back around. I see a mix of emotions in those captivating blue eyes as she does. But one of the emotions is the most apparent—disappointment. It makes me want to know everything and fix what can be fixed.
“Is that what happened with your life? You didn’t have any choice?”
“I did have all these different options, but then they were taken away from me, just like that.” She snaps her fingers. “I try to get by without feeling like a failure, but it’s so damn hard. I—”
She starts crying, fat tears running down her face, and I don’t know what to do. It hurts me seeing her like this. “Hey, don’t cry, love. Everything will be okay, trust me.”
“But how would you know that?” She begs for an answer before sobbing. “You haven’t spent the past ten years feeling stuck, without a place to go. You’re doing what you love while exploring the world around you.”
“I haven’t been stuck, no, but like most people, I do know the feeling of disappointment and what it’s like when you don’t reach your goals or get what you want the most. And it definitely sucks.”
“That’s hard to believe, listening to you talk about your almost perfect life,” Tanya tells me, her words a bit mumbled.
“It isn’t always what it seems on the outside. You may look at me and see only perfection, but the truth is far from it, but I’m still trying to enjoy life like every day is my last.”
She nods, showing that she’s listening. “I’m slowly realizing that I should do the same.”
“Tell me, is there anything I can do to help you to reach your biggest goals and wildest dreams?”
Tanya nibbles on her lip like she’s pondering my question, drawing my gaze to her mouth. “Spade…”
“That doesn’t sound too good,” I sense her uncertainty.
“It isn’t that.”
“Then what?”
“We just met tonight, and you were admitted to the hospital overnight because of me—”
