She sprang from the bench and stomped outside like a toddler who couldn’t have their way. I wanted to, but I knew that both of us acting like brats wouldn’t change the situation. One of us had to keep a leveled head. I assumed that would be me.
“He. He. He. My brother. My oldest brother. The one that’s in jail. That’s all I keep hearing. What’s your older brother’s name, Lyric?” I probed as we neared the truck.
“Luca,” Lyric stopped in her tracks and revealed.
Luca, I repeated to myself.
As I got situatedin the passenger seat, my thoughts led me back to Channing where my children were getting up and getting ready for school. I searched my purse for my cell phone, only to notice it was dead when I located it.
“Do you have some juice?” I asked Lyric as I held the charger cord up.
Although I wanted to call my children before they were off to school, I knew Lyric needed her phone more than I did at the moment. She needed it for the GPS as well as any communication between her and her brother. We were running behind, so just in case he called, I wanted her to be able to answer instead of him being sent to voicemail. That would make anyone worry.
“Yes, ma’am. I somehow managed to get mine on the charger last night. I literally don’t remember doing so, but I have a full battery,” she explained.
“Well, at least one of us was thinking somewhat clearly.”
I’d never consumed as much alcohol in my life as I had at the lounge. I wanted so badly to chastise myself or feel anything remotely close to guilt, but I felt nothing. It was a good time and one I needed. I didn’t plan on having so much to drink, again, but I didn’t regret the ones I had. Even the hangover and throbbing headache wasn’t enough to make me reconsider anything. I’d enjoyed every minute of my time out and that was the end of the story.
I pushed the end of the power cord into my cell and laid it on my lap to wait for it to restart. My eyes closed involuntarily as I sighed deeply in an attempt to relax my body. Between the rising morning sun and the bumps we hit in the road, I didn’t think itwas possible. Not with my head aching and my body punishing me at the same time.
“You alright over there?” Lyric muttered.
“Are you alright?” She was in much worse shape than me.
“No. The only thing that’s keeping me together is knowing it’s only a forty-five-minute drive and then I can lay the fuck out. I literally halfway want to cry, but I had too much fun to be a bitch this morning. I’ll save all my tears for when I see my main man. I’ve missed him so much.”
“I bet. I don’t have any siblings, but if you ever went away for all those years, I’d be sick to my stomach daily.”
“So, imagine my pain. We haven’t even known each other for a decade yet. This man knew me before I even knew myself. That’s why I never even mention his name. They broke my heart when they gave him that time. It hurts to even think about it or him.”
“What did he do?”
“Killed my ex-boyfriend.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I sat up in my seat, trying to gather my thoughts.
“I caught him cheating, and being the narcissist he was, he got mad at me for something he’d done and getting caught. I left him, but he wasn’t having it. A week after I called it quits, he showed up at my apartment. It was late at night, and I didn’t even notice him. Usually, I’m a little more aware of my surroundings. My brothers have always taught me to be. He caught me off guard. I feel like he would’ve killed me had Luca not pulled up. He was coming over for a plate that I’d put up for him. I’d cooked dinner, but he wasn’t able to make it. I ran to the gas station to get him some wraps because he loves to smoke before he eats, and I wanted him to be comfortable. When I got back is when Chauncey attacked me. Anyway, long story short, he had a white judge and prosecutor who refused to give himmanslaughter because he had a prior gun charge on his record. He wasn’t supposed to be around any weapons. He was given a sentence of ten years. He’s done eight and is coming home.”
“Lyric, you’ve never…” I started, but she interrupted me.
“Ever, there’s a lot that I’ve never told you. Not because I didn’t want to, but because telling you one thing would require me to tell you why that thing is or how it came to be. Luca is one of those things. My past relationship, one of those things. I was with Chauncey from seventeen until I was twenty. My brother was sentenced the week before I turned twenty-two. I met you a few months later.”
“I had no idea.”
“I lost two men I loved that night. Though Luca didn’t physically leave me until he was sentenced, I knew it was coming and no matter how strong he wanted me to be, I couldn’t prepare myself not to see him for so long. I felt like it was my fault, too. That’s why I understand and have never judged your situation at all. I know what love feels like, and I know what redemption feels like too. I want that for you, so I’ve stayed out of the way until you was ready for it.”
“Did he pull up while he was still there?”
“Luca pulled up while he was outside dragging me like a dog. He’d never fought me so hard. We’d had little fights, but never on that level. I should’ve left then, though, when the little fights began. I thought it was just how relationships worked, but I know better now. If a nigga has to put his hands on me, he can’t have me. That’s it.”
“And, that’s why – that’s why you haven’t been in a relationship since,” I repeated the words I recalled her saying.
“Since my ex. That’s why I’m always saying that. I cannot put my people’s lives and freedom on the line again for the sake of love. It’s not worth it. The minute I feel myself falling, I’m out.”Lyric chuckled though I could hear the pain she was trying to disguise. She was only laughing to keep from crying.
“Before meeting you, I was a mess. Not the way I moved or anything like that, but my life. My brother had gone to jail, my ex was dead, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my other brother was wilding. He was lashing out about Luca’s situation and it wasn’t pretty. For the first time, money couldn’t even dictate his outcome. They were out for his life, and they got a big chunk of it.”
I listened as Lyric revealed things she’d kept buried inside. She didn’t mention her life before we met that much. She only spoke about life after, but I always figured it was because that’s when life really started for her. At twenty-two that’s when it really started for me and that’s all she ever really heard about on my end, too, but hearing her explain her reasons made all the sense. She’d blocked it all out because it was too painful.
