“No,” she admitted.
Accepting her honesty for what it was, I continued picking through their pajamas.
“OK. Give me a second, and we can all go in at once.”
Leaving my side was something they weren’t ready to do, obviously. So, I wouldn’t force them to. I hoped that after a warm bath, they’d feel a little better. If not, I would reconsider taking them up to see Ever. I refused to traumatize them anymore and seeing their mother in her current condition would only heighten their emotions and deepen their wounds.
My cell phone rang as I pulled matching sets out for the girls. There were only a handful of people that could be calling me so I didn’t bother checking to see who it was. I answered.
“Yeah?”
“Hey. Is everyone OK?” My mother’s voice was on the other end of the line, stopping me in my tracks.
“Yes.”
There was a brief, revealing silence that forced me from my knees and onto my butt, with my head against the dresser.
“It’s me, Luca. It’s okay,” she encouraged.
Heaving, I released the tension that had been building over the last twenty-four hours. The anger, frustration, bitterness, and everything else I was feeling deep on the inside surfaced and fell from my eyes as my mother sat quietly, listening to her oldest unravel. My entire life, I’d held my shit together, but this time it was different.
This time, my heart had been twisted and turned in every direction. This time, there were two little girls that I loved more than anyone around me who had been harmed. This time, the woman who’d brought them into my world and was carrying ourchild had been hurt. This time, everything was different. This time, I could feel it everywhere, the pain and the relief.
Feeling Emorey’s and Essence’s little hands on my face, trying to clear my tears and their bodies resting on my legs felt surreal. Each hour that I spent away from them over the last twenty-four hours ate away at my core a little more, but that feeling was nothing compared to the wholesomeness I felt as they comforted me.
“It’s okay,” Essence assured me.
“Don’t cwry,” Emorey added. “Don’t be so sad.”
“Okay.” I nodded my head, taking their words of encouragement in stride and forcing myself to pull it together, not only for their sake but for mine as well.
“Mom?”
“I’m still here, Luca.”
“I need to get them bathed so that we can get up to the hospital.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. They’ve been through enough, baby. Seeing their mother laid up in the bed all battered and bruised will only hurt them worse. No one wins in that situation. Let’s think about their mental and emotional health right now. I don’t suggest taking them to see her at all. They won’t keep her for too much longer. Give them a few days to readjust, and she’ll be home before they know it. Tonight, you three need to get some rest. You’ve done your part, Luca. Rest.”
“Easier said than done.”
“It’ll happen. You have the girls back. Trust me, falling asleep will come easy for you tonight.”
“I just need her.” I coughed back the new wave of emotions that threatened to come up.
“She’ll be there soon. I heard I have a grandchild on the way.”
Sniffling, I responded, “Yeah.” Emorey used her shirt to dry my face of what their hands couldn’t.
“Thanks, baby.”
“Are you still sad?” she asked, obviously concerned.
“A little.”
“Why but?”
Her twist on words made me smile through the aching.
