“Only if it won’t harm the baby.”
“It won’t. We’ve talked about it already.”
“I want my girls.”
My chest ached at the thought of them. I wanted to know what they were doing and if they were OK. There was no doubt in my mind that Dewayne wouldn’t harm them intentionally, but he would keep them away from me as long as he could to hurt me. He knew they were my world. When he fought me like I was a dog in the streets, he never mentioned the girls. His only words pertained to me moving on with my life. He didn’t give a damn about my babies. I was his only concern. Keeping me in check and keeping me at arm’s length was his only concern.
Though it hurt, I couldn’t resist the urge to inhale deeply as my emotions ran high. The exhale brought me to tears. Emorey’s little voice rang in my ears as visions of Essence flashed before my eyes. I needed my girls. I needed them immediately.
“Ineedmy girls,” I emphasized.
“The police is how we’ll find them, Ever. Telling them you don’t remember or know anything about your attack is bullshit. My grandbabies are out there with a lunatic right now, and I’m going crazy thinking about it. And the people who can actually help us, you’ve shut them out and lied to them, which is not like you.”
“As much as I respect your opinion, Mom, my faith in Luca to right this situation surpasses that of the police substantially. The police don’t know my babies. They’ve never held them after a nightmare but Luca has. They’ve never made ice cream with my girls from scratch just to see their reactions and excitement but Luca has. They’ve never carried my two sleeping girls for twenty minutes after they pooped out on a family hike but Luca has. They’ve never read the girls four nighttime stories in one night with sleepy eyes due to the day’s activities but Luca has. They’ve never built the girls a custom dollhouse just because but Luca has.
“My point is that Luca is invested. His mind, body, and his heart. And that’s what he’ll lead with. His heart. Because he loves those girls more than Dewayne, me, or you could ever even imagine. And that’s the difference between him, police, and any other authorities that want to get involved. Dewayne is their father.”
“Proving that hekidnappedhis own kids isn’t going to be easy and it might not stick. The only thing they’d do is slap cuffs on his wrist for what he’s done to me. Domestic assault? He probably won’t see a day in jail and be right back out to cause damage, try to demolish what I’m trying to build. I can’t have that, so no. I’m not giving them any details and yes I did lie to them. And for my children, I’d lie again. And, again. And, again.
“This would be labeled as another domestic dispute and it’s far beyond that at this point. Dewayne has involved two innocent children who he doesn’t give two shits about but they won’t see it that way. They lived with him their entire lives. There has never been a report made of his abuse. This would literally be a case of my word against his. In the system’s eyes, they’re just as much of his as they are mine. He took care of us since before they were even born. I haven’t had to work sincemy first pregnancy. In black and white, he seems like the ideal partner. The only issue with that is… he’s not.
“He’s the menace the system wants to make Luca out to be with his past documented for all to see. Cuffs and a few hours in jail isn’t enough for me. I want him to hurt just like I’m hurting. I’ve let his shit bury the person I once was. I don’t even know her anymore. He destroyed me, but what I won’t allow is for him to destroy my children or the family we’re building. He’s gone too far, and he needs a wake-up call. If there’s no one else who understands my sentiments, it’s Luca.”
I felt like I’d run a marathon as my final words rushed from my mouth.
“Lyric, I need some water, please,” I begged.
She wiped the fallen tears from my face gently, yet it still hurt. My mother nodded and stepped away from my bed. I’d never been in a situation to have to remind my mother of the facts and why I was choosing one thing over the other and it pained me to talk to her in the tone that I had. But, at the same time, she had to hear it and it was best that it came from me.
I felt the straw that she placed in my mouth. There was no way I’d be able to lift and sip from a bottle. Both of my lips hurt to the touch, and my back felt like it had been broken in half. The cool sensation brought so much relief to my mouth and throat that I didn't stop sucking until I heard the emptiness of the cup sound loudly.
“Knock. Knock.”
My eyes darted toward the door as I heard an unfamiliar voice. From around the corner came a middle-aged white man in scrubs that were topped with a white coat. My assumption was that he must’ve been my doctor.
“Ms. Sinclair, I’m Doctor Bryan, and I’ve been monitoring your baby’s health since they brought you in and informed us you’re pregnant. I’ll start by saying that I’m pretty impressed.Under the circumstances, babies don’t unusually survive. I’m just going to be honest here. With so much trauma to your body, especially your abdomen area, we’re looking at a miracle child. A fighter. Bruised, nearly broken ribs. Blunt force trauma to the chest, back, sides. You’re blessed. We have a healthy heartbeat and were able to see in the ultrasounds that everything is in perfect condition. Not a complication in sight.”
It was so refreshing hearing my pregnancy confirmed, although I’d already known it to be true. With every blow to my body that Dewayne made, I lost a little more faith that my baby would make it through. As I listened to the heart monitor continue to sound off, I knew everything would be fine.
“How far along am I?”
“According to your ultrasound, you’re right at eight weeks. We’re going to keep our eyes on your little one during the duration of your stay, but I have a good feeling that we won’t have to worry about this one. Let me or one of the staff members know if you need anything. We’re here to help. Feel better soon.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem. Y’all have a good day now.”
“More water,” I told Lyric as soon as the doctor left the room. “Mom, check on the pain meds. I’m hurting all over.”
I’d dozedoff sometime between when the OB/GYN left and when the cafeteria staff tried serving me the nasty breakfast they’d prepared for the patients. Besides the applesauce that came with the meal, I wanted no parts. Everything on the plate looked over-processed, undercooked, or too artificial.
“Lyric?” I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her near.
“Yeah?”
“Have you heard from Luca?”
“He’s called twice since you’ve been asleep to check in. What’s the matter?”