How fucking pathetic to want someone who never chose you. To build an entire heart around a person who only ever held it out of obligation.
And I’m still here. Still holding onto a dream like it means something.
I wiped my face with shaking fingers and looked around my room.What was I supposed to do with all this love now?
Wish I could bury it, but all I can do is just pretend I have no feelings for him at all.
NINE
LENORE
16 years old
Lately, sleep refused to come. I stayed awake most nights, not out of insomnia, but hope. Hope that he might appear in the doorway, lean against the frame like he used to, watching me. Pretending to check if I was asleep, pretending he still cared.
He lived in my mind constantly, pressing into every thought, every breath. There was no escaping him. He haunted me.
I didn’t have a phone. Just an old, heavy, black landline phone with a round dial plate that was punctuated with finger holes, each corresponding to a number from zero to nine. And it was always sitting next to the bedside lamp. I only kept it for emergencies. But tonight, it rang.
I answered without thinking. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Sophie said, her voice already smiling. “Are you coming out?”
“I’m not allowed,” I said flatly.
“Not even for an hour?” she teased. “Dorian’s here. Brought a redhead with him. Thought that might get you moving.”
My chest tightened. “I still can’t.”
She laughed, too lighthearted, like she wasn’t listening. “Should I try my luck with him tonight? He seems willing enough.”
“Isn’t it dangerous to be out?” I snapped. “There are still kids missing. Teenagers. Girls.”
“Dorian’s strong. He can handle it,” she said sweetly. “We could finally be sisters-in-law.”
I looked at myself in the mirror. My reflection didn’t blink.“I could be there in an hour,” I said softly. “Just to be your wingwoman.”
“Perfect. What if I pick you up with my cousin?”
“Good idea.”
“Thirty minutes then? At the old spot?”
“Yes.”
“Byeeee.”
The moment I hung up, I moved like something had taken over me. I tore through my closet, dragging clothes out. Nothing felt right. I had nothing to wear. But the red dress caught the corner of my eye. It was short. Tight around the waist. I forgot Vivian got it for me for one of her tea parties she hosted.
I took off my clothes and ran to the bathroom, my heart pounding so fast. I stole red lipstick from my stepmother’s drawer weeks ago. I wanted to teach myself how to put a perfect shade of red on my lips, just as my mom used to. Tonight, I needed to be unforgettable. I needed Dorian to see no one else.
I turned on the shower. Steam poured into the air, curling against the tiles. The mirror fogged over in seconds, andeverything began to blur. The bathroom turned quieter, with just the sound of water.
But then something grabbed me. Fingers twisted in my hair and yanked.
I screamed, spun around, and froze.
She was standing in the shower with me.
