“They’re security guards, not our doormats; carrying shopping bags isn’t part of their job.” I sigh and look at Leticia, who just shrugs her shoulders and gets up from the bed, pulling me by the hand.
“I’m not saying we’re going to make them our doormats, but they’re third wheeling; I’m not complaining, Chiara; all that matters is your safety. But we both know that this isn’t what we envision for our university life. We have to follow security protocols; we have two body guards living in the apartment opposite to ours, our floor is full of cameras. and believe me, in a way, I feel grateful because one of our biggest concerns was security, and now we’re certain we’re safe, but it’s still not the same; you know that better than anyone.”
I feel my eyes getting heavy and nausea taking hold of me since yesterday. I can’t stop thinking about how much these men are going to weigh on my life, how different they will be after this wedding. Being the selfish person that I am, I didn’t think that because of my decision, the lives of my best friends would also change. I didn’t think about what this change, these people, would implicit in their lives; I only thought about myself and how much this situation bothers me.
The tears threaten to come out, and the nausea remains strong in my stomach; I really am not a good person because I insist on this fantasy that clearly only deceives me. I’ve never been a particularly sensitive person to other people’s pain, but I’ve always considered myself a good friend, the kind of friend who thinks about other people’s well-beingwho cares, but apparently, I’m not even that. I feel the first of what I anticipate to be many tears coming down my cheeks; I quickly raise my hand with the intention of wiping it away, only to be stopped by Leticia, who steps in and wipes the tears for me, her gesture only makes me feel worse, not being able to stop them.
“Hey Chiara, please don’t cry; it’s not your fault; you didn’t choose to have security around; it’s life, and that’s okay. We’re safe now, and all we want is for nothing to happen to you; you’re the most important!”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how you’d feel; I’m so selfish; I’m sorry, I didn’t want to turn your university experience into a security circus. I’ll talk to Luca and try to send Paolo and Francesco back to Italy!” I have to do something to change our situation. I can’t change my friends’ lives and plans just because Luca decided to.
“What you’re talking about, Chiara? Of course not. You’re not sending anyone to Italy; they’re staying to protect you; all that matters to us is that you’re safe and sound! The fact that our plans change is nothing; plans change all the time, and the factthat they’re here won’t stop us from doing what we want; they’ll just keep us safe while we do silly things.” Leticia asserts, wiping away the tears that insist on falling, and she smiles at me with a loving smile and pulls me into a hug. “These are still going to be the best three years of our lives; they’re just going to be safer than we expected, and that’s not a bad thing!”
“Are you sure? I could talk to Luca, demand that they leave, or break off the engagement; then this situation would be resolved.”
“Chiara, first of all, you only break off the engagement if you want to, not to “solve” the security situation. Secondly, Luca is right; at least right now, it’s best for you to have security around, just in case. And thirdly, we want you safe and well, and if that means we’ll be followed by Italian mafia soldiers everywhere, so be it.” Aurora replies in such a fierce and determined way as if there wasn’t a shred of doubt left in her about the situation. I look at Leticia, and she smiles at me and nods. “Besides, they’re very pleasant to look at; it won’t be a problem to spend time with them!” I look at her with a raised eyebrow, and I am completely shocked by what she’s saying, causing her to laugh out loud. “What, they just proved that I wasn’t wrong in thinking that Italian men are handsome, them and your brothers are the perfect examples of handsome and charming men; there’s no denying that they attract attention. Now get your ass out of bed and get dressed; we have to find you the perfect outfit for your first day, fashion student.”
I get out of bed and wipe the last traces of tears from my face, still laughing at Aurora’s words; she’s right about Italian men being attractive; Luca is definitely proof of that, but she doesn’t need to know that I think that way. I quickly put on some jeans and aDior sweatshirtthat I stole from one of my brothers and put on some sneakers, my hair up in a ponytail, and no make-up on; I don’t really feel like dressing up. When I cameout of thecloset,the girls were no longer in my room. I left the bedroom and went into the living room to see them sitting on the sofa talking to my brothers; Paolo and Francesco were at the kitchen counter, one on the computer and the other talking on the phone.
“Chiara, what’s that look on your face? Were you crying? What happened?” Lorenzo asks, coming toward me and putting all eyes on me. I notice that Paolo has stopped his conversation, but when he notices my eyes on him, he quickly resumes it in a very low tone.
“Nothing happened, everything’s fine, it was just silly!” I said, trying to wipe away whatever had given me away. Lorenzo came up to me and took my hand away, held my face with both hands, and looked me in the eye.
“Are you sure? You know you can tell me everything, right? I’m here for anything!” He whispers without diverting his eyes from mine; I know he’s keeping his voice down so that no one else can hear and we can somehow have our privacy.
“Everything is fine, I promise!” I reassure him, smiling, and although he doesn’t look very convinced, he nods slowly and goes sit on the sofa again.
“Chiara!” I hear Paolo calling my name, and I look in his direction; he signals, asking me to come and meet him, andI walk to him slowly without realizing why. “Luca’s on the phone; he wants to speak to you!” I frown and do not understand why Luca wants to talk to me. I get a little closer, and Paolo hands me his phone.
“Hello?” I say quietly, hoping to hear something other than Luca’s heavy breathing.
“Is everything all right?” he says bluntly.
“Yes, of course. Why shouldn’t I be?” I answer quietly, feeling a little embarrassed by Paolo and Francesco’s glances at me and a little relieved that my brothers and friends are havingfun with each other across the room.
“Paolo told me you were crying; what happened? We can sort it out now, whatever it is; you just have to tell me the reason.” I keep quiet, absorbing his words, not sure what to say. The stares of the two soldiers in the kitchen are still on me, which makes me leave the room and go to my room to have some privacy.
“Nothing happened, everything’s fine, there’s nothing to sort out!” I say quickly.
“Chiara, don’t lie to me. No one cries for nothing. Tell me what happened.”
“I cry for no reason, okay? It’s okay…”
“If we want this relationship to work, if we want our marriage to work in any way, we need to trust each other. I don’t like lies, Chiara, and I’d really like to be able to trust my future wife.”
“How can you be so sure that I’m lying?”
“I don’t know if anyone has told you this before, but you’re a terrible liar, so if you intend to continue lying in the future, I suggest you try to improve that skill. So, I´ll ask you once again to tell me the reason!” His tone of voice is strong, a little stern, to not give me the chance to run away from the subject again. Luca is not a man of great patience, but I know he’s trying hard to maintain a clear tone of voice.
“You want me to tell you why, okay? I’m lost; in less than twenty-four hours, my life has turned upside down. Before, I was just a spoiled little princess; now, I’m a spoiled little princess with a possible target on my head. I have two bodyguards I don’t know in my house; they live in the apartment opposite mine, and my floor, as well as the common areas of my house, are covered in cameras. I live with my two best friends, and somehow, being the selfish person that I am, I didn’t even think for a moment about how they would feel about this whole circus. All the plansI had for my university experience now have two mafia soldiers added to the equation, not to mention one of them is attending my fashion classes, which, by the way, is extremely unfair, as he probably took the place of someone who really wanted it. In a nutshell, this wasn’t the life I’d envisioned for myself when I would move to London; I wanted independence, to live without someone protecting me, but look at me now!” I blurt it all out quickly without really breathing properly, causing me to gasp slightly as I finish my speech.
“Sorry”
“For what?”
“Pouring all this over your.”
“Never apologize for expressing what you feel, not to me! I can imagine that this wasn’t what you wanted, but leaving you without security is out of the question. I don’t care if your friends like the situation or not; my priority is to keep you safe, not to keep your friends happy!”
