“Could you spare some time for me?”
“I’ll always have time for you, Chiara. I’d stop the world for you and your brothers!”
“Mom, I know you’re upset and maybe even a little disappointed with my decision, but I need you to understandthat true love doesn’t happen to everyone; Elizabeth and Darcy are the exception and not the rule, at least in my opinion. Besides, we both know that loving someone doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. Maybe my story doesn’t have one, and that’s fine; I can live with that. You know me, I’ve always wanted love, but above all, I’ve always wanted to be someone who couldn’t be set foot on, who couldn’t be hurt; I’ve always wanted to have the power to decide my life, to decide what goes on around me. Marrying Luca clearly doesn’t guarantee me love, but it does guarantee me power and protection. I’d be the queen I’ve always dreamed of being since I was a little girl, and I know it’s ridiculous to make a decision based on childhood dreams, but I feel I can make them out of ambition. And if I’m going to get married, let it be for something that will last forever.” I say everything I have to say without looking at her face, with a mixture of guilt and shame; I’m not what she’s always wanted, I’m too ambitious for that, and she’ll probably never understand this “thirst for power” of mine, but deep down, it’s something that’s always existed inside me, and I only discovered it after hearing what Luca had to say.
“I’m not upset or disappointed, dear. Maybe a little sad; I never thought I’d marry off my only daughter for business. I always wanted your life to be as much like a fairy tale as possible; I want you to be happy, always! I know you’ve always been a fragile girlwho wanted to be strong enough to make everything stop, and now you have the chance to take that power into your own hands; I just think you should think about it more. You’re only eighteen, Chiara. A decision like this shouldn’t be made at this age; you still have so much life to live; you might even fall in love; who knows? I just don’t think you should get caught up in this Camorra proposal, and your father should never have given the opening for conversation in the first place.”
“It’s not Dad’s fault; I didn’t accept it for him; you know that it’s just… Something inside me seems to scream incessantly for me to accept it; my mind says it doesn’t make sense, but my heart, or whatever it is, is pointing in that direction… and I decided, for the first time in my life, to move on and not let my anxiety-ridden mind dictate my future.” I profess looking into her eyes, being as sincere as I can be at the moment, without any kind of mask, just the truth, I see her open her arms, with realization of my decision. I run to her arms, comforted by the affectionate grip.
The following week, a day before I finally leave for London and start university, the Di Santis family came to the mansion, to lunch to seal the agreement between two families, to seal an arranged marriage, my marriage. I look in the mirror; I’m wearing a blood-red dress that goes down to my knees, and my hair is loose andslightly wavy. I feel my stomach turn at the thought of meeting Luca. I don’t know what he thinks about itor if he has someone in his life. I haven’t asked my dad; I haven’t had the courage. I think about in three years’ time, I would be marrying him andthat in a year or two, I could be spreading the word about my engagement. I think that I’ll have to pretend tolove someone in public, maybe pretend to be happy, and for a moment, I wonder if I’ve made the right decision.
I look at myself and wonder if I’ll be enough to be the woman who will be by Luca’s side, if I’ll be enough to be Capo’s wife if I’ll have the stomach to close my eyes to everything he does, if I’ll be able to live with myself knowing that the person who will sleep next to me is capable of doing. I ban these thoughts out of my head and leave the room calmly, heading for the stairs that lead down to the lower floor. As soon as my foot steps on the first stair, I feel Luca’s gaze burning into me; he’s standing at the bottom of the stairs; he’s expressionless, and his eyes are as cold as ice.
“Blood-red, good choice; I think that’s your color!” Don Henrico commenting with a strange grin on his face, resting his hand on Luca’s shoulder.
“Thanks, maybe I’ll wear this color more often in the future!” I said while looking into Luca’s eyes, trying to search for some emotion, trying to figure him out. Does he have someone? Does he regret talking to me that day? Does he resent me for having to marry me? “It’s a pleasure to welcome you back to our home!”
“I have to admit I was surprised, this lunch or rather this wedding, after all, after the other day, I could have sworn you’d never want to see our family in front of you again!” says Luca emotionless, in a clear attempt to provoke. Does he hate me?
“Please follow me to the dining room. We’ll talk about the engagement later!” says Grandma in her usual solemn tone, leading the guests into the dining room andleaving a fond smile for me. I remain where I was standing, motionless, trying to make sense of my situation. Doesn’t he want to marry me? After our last conversation, I thought he was willing to try; was I wrong? I awake from my head, ramble, and quickly join them in the dining room, pull out a chair, and sit down facing Luca withmy face held high.
“You know, Chiara darling, Luca was right; after that meal, I never imagined that you would accept this marriage so easily!” says Lady Milena, bringing the glass of wine to her lips, and Luca’s eyes lock on me. The whole dining room remained silent, waiting for my answer.
“You know, Lady Milena, I’ve never seen myself being the kind of girl who would fall in love, who would be the perfect housewife, the ideal wife. No, I’m too ambitious for that; there are too many things I want in life. And Luca definitely doesn’t seem like the kind of man who wants a dull, submissive wife at home. With this marriage, he gets a beautiful wife to show off, and I get all the power and perks the Camorra has to offer. Neither of us is perfect or wants love; this way, you just damage a household!” I say, smirking, watching the shocked looks on the faces of everyone at the table. If he wants to play, we’ll play. I’m going to show Luca once and for all why every great and tragic natural disaster are named after women.
“Here’s to this partnership!” Voices Don Henrico, getting up from the table to make a toast. I give Luca a sly smile and get up to toast with his father.
One of Don Henrico’s security guards enters the dining room unannounced, taking all the attention to himself. He approaches his boss and whispers something in his ear, which he obviously doesn’t like; his expression changes, and he seems about to explode.
“Can someone please turn on the TV to a news channel?” he says in what sounds to be a demand, not a request. Grandma picks up the remote control, and the TV appears off the stand, and she turns it on.
My heart is pounding, and I feel like I stopped breathing. They’re announcing an attack on a drug warehousethat a rival gang has attacked, and there are at least five dead. Suddenly,the camera zooms in on one of the covered bodies being carried to the ambulance when the victim’s arm slips off the stretcher. I look into Luca’s eyes and see the anger on his and his father’s faces: the Camorra has been attacked. Something inside me flashed as if my body was warning me of the danger around me, and my brain shouted, WELCOME TO YOUR NEW LIFE; YOU’D BETTER GET USED TO I!
I look at Luca, and his expression is closed, as are his fists; he seems to feel my staring; he looks at me and takes a deep breath, catching his father’s attention.
“We need to select the security guards who will accompanied Chiara to London,” he says with his eyes fixed on me.
“What do you mean security guards? I don’t remember that being part of the agreement!” I say in frustrationthat all I want is a normal life, at least for the next three years. Having giant, armed buildings following my every move is not part of my plan.
“The circumstances changed; you are my son’s fiancée now. The Camorra has been attacked, and you must be safe; we will keep you safe!” States Don Henrico with implacable certainty.
“I think Chiara should leave for London today so that we can avoid any problems!” Luca says, looking at my dad, not bothering to ask my opinion.
“It doesn’t make any sense; the Camorra was attacked, not me; why should I travel today, and even more so accompanied by Camorra soldiers?” I hate not being in control. I chose this marriage to control my own narrative, and suddenly, it seems that the control I thought I had is slipping through my hands like little grains of sand.
“You’re my fiancée now, and even if only handful of people know, we don’t know if the news have spread. I have a lot of enemies; the Camorra has a lot of enemies, and they might try to use you to get to me; we can’t let that happen!”
I glance at Luca, absorbing his every word, and I want tocry like a child. I’m a target now; how could I not have thought this would happen? It’s so obvious; I almost laugh at my own stupidity. I leave the dining room and go to the garden; I take a deep breath and think about how my life has changed in just a few hours. I hear footsteps behind me and see the stately shadow reflected on the floor.
“Are they going to kill me?” I mutter in a low voice as if I’m sharing a secret. I’m afraid of the answer, and I feel my stomach twist. Luca approaches me slowly, puts his hand on my shoulder, and turns my body until I’m face-to-face with him. I feel his hand on my face, and he gently pulls my chin, making me look at his eyes.
“No one is going to kill you, Chiara; no one will even breathe near you or touch a strand of your hair; I will never allow it. And if anyone has the courage to try, I will kill them in the most brutal way possibleuntil no one dares to even come near you without your permission. That’s a promise!” Promises Luca with the fiercest expression on his face that I’m unable to doubt him.
“Why do keep on insisting that I go back to London today?”
“I said I would protect you, and right now, this city is in chaos because of the attack; I have to keep you safe, even if it means sending you away ahead of schedule!”
“Who’s going to accompany me? I don’t like strangers around me. Is all of this really necessary, Luca? I’ll be far away from Italy!” I’ve never liked being surrounded by security guards, and the idea of having Camorra soldiers with me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, makes me feel desperate.
