“And what do you propose for a stronger alliance, Henrico? I must admit that you’ve piqued my curiosity.”
“Simple, my dear friend Salvator, I propose that Salvatore Weapons only supplies weapons to the Camorra and no other mafia. We’ve been talking about doubling or even tripling our weaponry for some time now. We would seal the deal, I would pay more for the weapons, and Salvatore and his family would receive a commission for their business with the Camorra.”
“You know that this means a loss of money, Henrico, notsupplying weapons for other mafias. It could also offer danger to my family, and I’m not going to risk that, ever!” Dad reply seriously, looking deadly. “Besides, to receive a commission from the Camorra, we both know that it’s not enough to fill in a contract!”
“If the deal is sealed, not only do I guarantee your financial losses, since you would be part of the Camorra’s business, but I also guarantee your family’s safety; after all, in the Camorra, deals are made of blood ties!”
“What do you mean by blood ties?” Mom ask hurriedly, as if the air was running out of her lungs.
“Simple, I propose that Luca and Chiara get married, an unbreakable union. Chiara would become a De Santis, and then the Mancini would be family!” For a moment, the air stops circulating, and I feel my lungs tightening and my head spinning; I see mouths moving and everyone’s gestures, but I can’t hear anything that’s being discussed.
All that goes through my head is that I’m a commodity, a simple exchange commodity, to power two businesses. I should be handed over to the mafia for them to do as they please. I feel tears gathering in my eyes, and my heart squeezes; I can’t breathe. I get up from the chair in a leap, causing it to bang on the floor, and all eyes turn in my direction. I don’t say anything; I can’t. I rush out of the dining room, into my dad’s office, and let my body slide against the wall. I close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. It doesn’t work, and I start to cry compulsively, making it harder and harder to breathe.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I can’t open my eyes, still lost in my bubble of chaos. I notice that the person is bending down in front of me, now with both hands on my shoulders. The touch is warm and welcoming, conveying security. I hear the person’s breathing in front of me, strong and rhythmic as if trying to get me to follow it. Little by little, I manage to doso, and once the tears stop coming and my breathing becomes lighter, I open my eyes, and there he is with his fearsome cold blue eyes. The one who saw me in that state and calmed me down was Luca.
“What are you doing here?” I say, trying to wipe away all the tears and make-up that keep falling freely down my face. I try to get up and move away from him, but he won’t let me, putting his big, strong hands on my knees, weighing on them. “Please, let me out!” My voice comes out lowlike I’m pleading, and I feel ashamed of myself for it for showing weakness.
“You have anxiety!” He whispers loudly, as if he’s mind had and eureka moment. I nod my head in confirmation, looking down at my hands, ashamed that no one but my family and friends should know about this. I feel Luca’s hand pull my chin up, forcing me to face him, and I feel a solitary tear roll down my cheek at the gesture. Luca wipes it away calmly in a loving gesture. “You don’t have to be ashamed; in fact, there’s nothing to be ashamed of; you’re human, Chiara.”
I look into his eyes, and for the first time, I see something other than coldness; I see thetruth, perhaps a little pity.
“You shouldn’t be here!” I say, removing his hand from my face.
“Everyone is too busy talking business in that room; I wanted to know if you were okay. Or what happened.” He says, standing up quickly and returning to his cold expression.
“I’m not a commodity or a bargaining chip; I don’t want my life to be traded for weapons. I don’t want to be handed over to a mafia so that they can do whatever they want with me.” I quickly say everything that goes through my head.
“You would never be just a commodity, you hear me. You would be my wife, future Lady of the Camorra; no one would ever dare treat you badly or hurt you; I wouldn’t allow it. You would never be a bargaining chip, and you would be a Queenregardless of whether you were in the Camorra or elsewhere. And I can assure you that would be the case; I would never treat you as less than the Queen you are destined to be from the moment you are born. And if anyone ever dares to disrespect you, you can be sure that I’ll make them pay for it; they must all bow down to you! After all, you are a Mancini!”
I’m speechless, staring at him; no one has ever spoken about me or defended me so fiercely, apart from my brothers. I never thought a man like Luca could say something like that about me. He still stares at me with the same fierce look as he had when he said all those words. I don’t know what to say, I can’t move, and he notices it.
“I won’t force you to marry me, and I doubt your father will! Obviously, it would be very beneficial for both parties, but the final decision is yours. I just want you to know that if we get married, you will never be mistreated or neglected; I promise you that, Chiara! I’ll try to be the best man and husband I can for you, and I’ll never allow anyone to not treat you right!”
When Luca is done, he leaves the office, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I never thought I’d hear such words from a man like him, a future Capo. A cold man who kills and traffics, a man who humiliated me as soon as he met me, who made me feel bad and insignificant. A man who, as much as I wanted to try, I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to love me.
Chapter 6
When I enter my room, like the inexperienced child I always hoped I wouldn’t be, I grab my computer and went ontoGoogleand search for “Camorra.” I know I can get the answers I want whenever I want, maybe even the source of all the crimes, but I want to know what they do to prepare myself for a real conversation. I open the window to their activities, and I see Gambling, money laundering, trafficking weapons, trafficking drugs. Prostitution, extorsion, fraude, loans with high interest rates, possible human and organ trafficking, illegal immigration, and various legalized businesses.
My stomach twists, and I feel like I could throw up at any moment. I would be an accomplice to all of this; my marriage would help all these crimes to increase. I would marry without love for the gain of two institutions. I hear someone knocking on my bedroom door and voices calling my name, but my head won’t let me distinguish them, and my body won’t rise to open the door. I ignore the calls and lie in bed, closing my eyesandletting sleep take over.
I was always considered a headstrong child, and at just seven years old, I told my grandmother that I would do whatever it took to safeguard the family name so that I could pass it on to my children. I said that if I had to, I’d marry for business, and I remember how that sentence left my grandmother staring at me dumbfounded. But I knew exactly what I was saying. I once overheard my father talking to his father about the fact that girls were often used as bargaining chips inside our circles. I remember my father saying no, that I was too fragile and kindfor that. I remember disagreeing with his words in my thoughts; I would be capable of whatever it took.
I would become a woman capable of raising the Mancini name higher and higher. From that day on, I tried to stop fantasizing about true love, about a fairytale story, but my dad was right: I’m as fragile as a crystal vase; one bad move, and there’s a crack. Marrying for love is still something I want. I want to form a loving family to be happy. But the world is not a wish-granting factory, and so I decided that I would become as close as possible to the woman I had always wanted to be. Strong, fearless, obstinate, determined. I’d be the one to take the Mancini name to new heights. I might not have love, but I’ll have money and power, andthen I’ll decide what to do with it. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make it happen, even be the wife of the nextCapo di Capi ofthe Camorra. I can do it; I’m capable; I’m strong enough.
I go down to have breakfast, still in my pajamas, my face slightly swollen and red from crying last night. All eyes turn to me as soon as I set foot in the dining room.
“I’m going to do it!” I declare loudly and clearly, leaving everyone around the table confused. “I’m going to marry Luca!”
Suddenly, everyone’s face takes turns shocked, and I know they are all confused by my statement.
“What? What do you mean? You don’t have to do this, Chiara. Don Henrico shouldn’t even have suggested it; it’s madness!” Lorenzo says exasperatedly as if trying to control the anger inside him.
I look at my dad, and his face is impassive; he looks at me and studies me thoroughly with his stare, trying to unravel my mind. Everyone seems to be having a debate about my future, a debate I don’t feel capable to listen to, so I continue to stare at my dad, picking up on his every move.
“Enough, stop arguing. What do you mean you’ve agreed tomarry Luca? Just yesterday, you ran out of this very room when the matter was brought up. What changed?” He asks bluntly, in the same way, and tone of voice that I’ve seen him use in business meetings.
“I’m a Mancini; family business comes first; it’s what you’ve done all your life; I can do the same. Besides, it’s not like I’m fantasizing about a fairytale kind of love; being respected is enough, and Luca promised me that,” I calmly say, not negotiating my loveless marriage same as him. “But I have my conditions, of course. I’ll do my studies; I can date and have freedom during my study time, and if I want to quit, I can do so at any time.”
