“Why?” she practically hisses.
“Because its fucking hilarious. I figured it would break some of the tension.”
“You think this is funny?” she asks, her voice rising.
“I know it doesn’t seem like that now, but trust me,” Blue says. “Here, watch the video.”
“There’s a video?” she cries, launching herself toward him and grasping for the phone. Blue plays keep away with ease, which only serves to make Liza more livid.
“Someone has to clean this up, you asshole,” she says, anger radiating off her in waves.
Blue’s completely unbothered. “Ok, I’ll pay them extra. It’s worth it. I’m telling you, this video is gold.”
Liza’s hands move to her hips, causing another batch of glitter to sprinkle down onto the carpet. “Is that your solution? Just throw money at it?”
“Yeah, and it’s a good one. It hasn’t failed me yet,” he answers. “Besides, the cleaning crew has to have a vacuum, right?”
I watch with fascination as Liza’s sweet demeanor returns. “Yes, there’s a vacuum. Feel free to get started.”
“Oh, good–wait, what?” Blue asks, and I can see the second his little Bushtit brain pieces it all together.
“It’s you. You’re the cleaning crew. You made the mess, so you can clean it up.”
Liza stalks back out of the house leaving Blue slack-jawed in the entryway. I can’t help it. I laugh. Fucker played a stupid game, so he won a stupid prize.
“Have fun cleaning this mess up, roomie,” I say, taking some joy in the pained look on his face.
Blue volleys the laugh right back in my direction. “Looks like you’ve got some scrubbing to do, too, Jablonski.”
At first, I’ve got no clue what he’s talking about, but then I look down. There’s a smattering of glitter in the blond hair on my chest, but that’s not my biggest concern. Nope. I look a little farther south to see that there’s glitter all over my dick.
Have I mentioned how much I hate these guys?
4
Fallon
I’m not a prude. I lost my virginity freshman year of high school to Chris Langley in the back of the bus on a school trip to Charleston.
That’s not prudish.
But it was dark. Everyone was asleep. And we had strategically placed blankets.
Chris Langley was also apparently under the impression that sex was a race because it was over in a matter of minutes.
But still.
We had decorum, dammit.
Unlike my roommates.
I say roommates even though Cody’s name isn’t on the lease, and he doesn’t pay rent. He’s there more than I am, he eats everything in our fridge, and all his manscaping shit is scattered across our bathroom counter.
That makes him a roommate. A shitty one, but one nonetheless. And today was about as shitty as it gets. I walked in to find them naked and grinding on each other in the middle of the living room. Kendra’s hands were onthe coffee table and Cody was drilling into her from behind.
The worst part is that when I walked past and issued an icy glare, they both returned it. Like I was the asshole!
Kendra and I were supposed to make pizzas and watch movies tonight, but I did not feel like sticking around to watch them suck face on the couch while I pretended to be interested in a movie.
