Ollie’s blue eyes go wide and I’m afraid I’ve made another misstep, but he smiles gently and shakes his head.No.
That’s all he says, so I should let this conversation die anatural death, but I’m far too curious for my own good and I think this drink might have deleted any filter I ever had.Oh. Did you grow up with someone who’s Deaf? It’s just that you speak it really fluently, and most people who bother to learn just pick up bits and pieces.
Ollie swallows the last of his blueberry margarita before looking at me.I didn’t grow up with anyone who’s Deaf. I learned ASL the summer after sophomore year. After I met you,he clarifies.
Now I’m out of words, but our server has dropped off another round and that gives me something to do with my hands.
I was an ass, Fallon,he says.
I know this is the explanation he’s been trying to give me for almost two years now, but there’s no reason to hash it all out now. If we’re going to live in the same house and socialize with the same group of people, we need to let the past go.
You don’t have to explain,I say. It was a party. We danced. You didn’t make any commitment to me, and I didn’t really want you to. I just?—
He shakes his head, effectively cutting me off.You deserved better than walking into a room to find me the way you did. I have no excuse. It was shitty behavior from a shithead kid.For what it’s worth, I was into you. I was having fun. So when Koz pulled me aside and told me to knock that shit off, I told him to fuck right off. But then he said four words that stopped me in my tracks. I had no idea you were Booker’s little sister and that was a line I just couldn’t cross. That doesn’t make it right, but I just wanted you to know.
His words should mollify me or at least give me a little closure. Instead, they have the opposite effect.Are you kidding me? You let a girl suck your dick while her friend watched because I have a brother and you happen to be his friend? That’s the dumbest, most misogynistic explanation I’ve heard in a really longtime. Congratulations, you’re even more of a dick than I thought you were.
In my haste to get up, I fumble for my phone, nearly tipping over my drink in the process. With expert reflexes, Ollie saves the day and rights my drink. A lone piece of ice jumped ship, though, and when Ollie plucks it off the table and twirls it in his fingers for a second. I might be crazy, but I swear his attention wanders to the vee of my neckline while he toys with the ice. His eyes are intense, and I feel the heat of them even if now is not the fucking time, so I blink to break the spell.
Please, wait,he signs after tapping my arm.You’re totally right. Bro Code is a fucked-up thing when you think about it, but to a twenty-year-old athlete, it’s the law. In my underdeveloped mind, I didn’t want to disrespect Booker, and I disrespected you. There’s no excuse, and I’m sorry.
I don’t acknowledge his apology—not yet— because it’s a lot to process. Instead, I take a minute to sip my drink and check my phone. There’s no message from Booker yet, but Em sent a Happy Birthday text, so I send a heart back. My sister’s only seventeen, but she’s wise beyond her years and I find myself wishing she were here so we could talk, but Em’s across the country and even though I know she’s always up for texting, I think I need to handle this on my own.
I’m not going to tell him it’s okay, because it isn’t. Well-meaning misogyny is still misogyny. But his acknowledgement and apology are the balm I need to heal that wound. Letting it fester hasn’t done anyone any good.Thank you,I sign.I mean that. I don’t agree with what you did, but I’ve made some dumb calls, too. It’s part of growing up, I guess. And it’s possible, I admit, that I have a slight issue with authority. When I think anyone’s doing anything ‘for my own good’, I tend to flip my shit.
Ollie nods.Yeah, I can see that, but I’ve also done the same, sono judgment here. Honestly, if I could go back in time and do it differently, I definitely would.
It seems like he wants to say more, but his hands stay still. Our server comes by with yet another round and I have to laugh because she’s really fast.Is it just me or do you think she’s trying to get us drunk?I sign.
Maybe she secretly knows it’s your birthday? Or that alcohol is a truth serum and that I needed some liquid courage to set the record straight and apologize. Maybe it’s time to call a truce?
Yeah, it’s time for a truce,I agree because there’s no reason for me to hold this grudge any longer.I tend to be pretty stubborn.It’s just one more thing I can blame on dear old dad,I tell him. There’s something about Ollie—especially now that we’ve cleared the air a little—that makes me want to tell him all my secrets, all my thoughts, and all my dreams. That’s silly, of course. This is nothing more than a birthday drink, or three.
To daddy issues, he signs before raising his glass in a mock toast. I cheers him, of course.
We’re quiet for a few minutes, but that doesn’t bother me. Silence can be a beautiful thing, and it certainly doesn’t mean the absences of thoughts or words. It’s just the absence of noise.
The spell is broken when Ollie taps my hand. There’s an undecipherable look on Ollie’s face. It’s like he’s standing on the bridge between uncertainty and excitement and he doesn’t know which way to turn.
What’s that look for?I sign, frowning.
Did you see Book’s message?He signs back.
I check my phone and I can’t say I’m surprised when I read the most recent message my brother sent.
Booker: Happy Freaking Birthday to the best sister ever. You’re my favorite but you can’t tell Em because I say the same thing to her.
Booker: I’m drunk.
Booker: They got me drunk
Booker: Ian says it’s time to go home and that I should ask you for a range check. I don’t know what that is but can we have lunch tomorrow? I can’t drink any more drinks.
Booker: Why do you drink drinks but you don’t food foods. Make it make sense, Fallon.
Laughing, I tap out a reply
Fallon: I love you buddy. A rain check for brunch is perfect. Get some rest and drink lots of water so you don’t hate your life when you wake up.
