“I met my boyfriend—well, my ex-boyfriend now—the first week at college. Clay was a sophomore from L.A. He was so…experienced, so cool. He fit in so well and I felt like such an outsider. He took me under his wing right away. There wasn’t anything romantic between us, at first. He was just a nice guy helping a new girl adjust to life on the West Coast, you know. But it wasn’t just that. I was only eighteen when I moved there, but I’d already been through so much. My mom died when I was thirteen, but she hadn’t really been part of everyday life for years. My grandparents both died my senior year in high school. So, I was pretty much on my own at eighteen. In a lot of ways, I was an adult. But in so many ways, I wasn’t.” Maggie’s words trail off as she picks at a loose thread in the throw pillow she’s holding. Her fingers keep picking as her story starts back up again. “Anyway, Clay and I just got closer. He introduced me to his friend Bella from high school and when I was ready to move out of the dorms, she offered to share her apartment with me. By then, Clay and I were officially together. I remember being amazed that someone like him wanted to date someone like me. Bella, my roommate, always rolled her eyes when I said stuff like that. She’d tell me Clay Ackerman never did anything he didn’t want to do, so if he was with me, I should take it at face value and enjoy it. So I did. For two whole years. The three of us were always together, and I felt lucky to be the one on Clay’s arm. I was in awe of Bella and her worldliness. They just seemed so polished to me, you know? Like they had it all figured out. I guess I thought I could figure it all out, too, if I stuck with them. That was a big lie,” she says, her laugh watery and mirthless. “Actually, all of it was a lie. We were on spring break in Hawaii with a bunch of friends. I was getting over a nasty cold, so I went back to our room for some medicine. That’s where I found them. In the bed Clay and I had been sharing. It’s so cliché, right? And I’m so dumb. How could I not have seen it? They’d been sneaking around for over a year. All our friends knew it. Half of them thought I knew about it. But I didn’t have a clue.
“I was stuck there, in freaking paradise, with the two of them. I probably sound spoiled as hell, but it was awful. I was trapped and they were smug, and I couldn’t do anything about it. The worst part of it was that they were the two people I trusted the most, the ones I turned to when life went to shit. But then the unthinkable happened and I couldn’t run to Clay to make it all better. I couldn’t vent to Bella about how absolutely crappy life could be sometimes.”
I haven’t said a word. I haven’t needed to. I’ve just been listening and silently plotting the demise of the two assholes who broke Maggie’s heart. My arms are open wide, one stretched along the back of the couch and the other resting along the side cushion. Maggie finds her way into my lap andburrows her head into my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold on tight.
“Why is it that the people who hurt you most are the ones who are supposed to love you?” she asks, looking up at me.
I don’t have a good answer for that, and I have a feeling she isn’t only talking about her ex and her cheating friend. But if I tell Maggie I want to give her the kind of love that doesn’t hurt, I can guarantee she’ll jump off my lap, tear through the door, run the hell out of here, and never look back. She wouldn’t believe me. Too many people have lied and let her down, so it’s what she expects. My words won’t help, no matter how pretty they are, or even how true. So, I stay quiet and hold her close, hoping the warmth of my body, the strength of my arms, and the steady rhythm of my heart can speak for me instead.
CHAPTER 26
MAGGIE
JT listened.Maybe that shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is. We sat on Viv’s couch for more than an hour, and he just listened. He held me, too, and brushed my hair from my face. He kissed me sweetly and held me while I drifted off to sleep.
I blame today’s exhaustion on Bella and Clay. Retelling last year’s drama took its toll on me, and I never even got to the worst parts, the things that happened after we got back from Spring Break. I’ll save that trauma dumping for another day.
Eventually, I had to peel myself off him so he could go to practice and so I could go to a test simulation for the exam I’m taking next month. I won’t get my results for a few days, and it’s just a practice test, and not the actual Financial Math exam, but I’m still anxious to see how I did.
And if I thought I was tired earlier today, the two-and-a-half-hour exam didn’t help.
JT and I don’t usually meet up in the evenings, but when he texted and asked if I wanted to hang out, I couldn’t say no.
Which is why I’m sneaking into the hockey house at nine o’clock at night.
“You don’t have to be quiet, Maggie,” he says, reaching for my hand as we approach the back of the house. “Nobody’s home, I promise. Van’s at tutoring, Mickey has a date, and all the other guys are the baseball house for some video game tournament of champions that Ollie put together. It’s just you and me, I swear,” he says, unlocking the back door.
“There’s really nothing to worry about?” I ask.
“Well, some of the floorboards are loose and I definitely wouldn’t use any of the outlets in the living room…and there’s no lid at all on the toilet down the hall from my room. But yeah, other than that…oh, and the guys painted a big-ass glittery dick in the floor in the kitchen. Don’t ask. Oh, and my house is hot as balls right now. But other than that…you’ve got nothing to worry about.”
At first, I think he’s joking. Like he’s trying to make me laugh to get my mind off my fear of being discovered. But after I’m in the hockey house for about five seconds, I realize he was being totally honest.
My shock must show on my face, because JT nods as he leads me inside. “It’s a shithole, I know,” he says. “My room isn’t as?—”
“Finally!” a voice booms from the next room, and I flatten myself against the wall like I’m in a spy movie. JT releases my hand as the voice comes closer. My heart is beating so loud it must sound like a drum.
“Dude! I’ve been fucking waiting for you. We gotta go to the Quik Stop. The one on the east end of campus. They have the good nugget ice and I need nugget ice.”
“What the hell are you doing here, Mick?” I can hear the shock and confusion in JT’s voice, but it doesn’t register with Mickey.
“I’m watching a movie. For my film class. And I’m making a snack. Do you want popcorn?”
“No!” JT practically shouts, and I know it’s for my benefit.I know he is purposely blocking the doorway so Mickey doesn’t see me.
I know I could pop out now and introduce myself. I know JT is done hiding. And though I haven’t officially met Brannon Mikalski yet, I feel like I know him from the stories JT has told me.
They’re best friends. Mickey wouldn’t judge us. And though he loves to talk, he would stay quiet about us if JT asked him to.
But I can’t do it. It’s like I’m stuck in place. And really, I guess I could be. Who knows what’s on this floor?
“Don’t we have some Halloween candy?” JT asks. “I swear Ollie said he has a bunch up in his room.”
I’m pretty sure the last thing Mickey needs is a sugar rush, but I’m not complaining because he darts up the staircase like he’s on a treasure hunt.
“Coast is clear,” he whispers, and reaches for my hand. I feel like the shittiest almost-girlfriend ever, but today was overwhelming. From seeing JT with a beautiful woman to accusing him of cheating to unloading about my past, it’s been a lot. Add in the practice test and my brain is fried. I just can’t take one more thing tonight. We can figure it all out tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to be with JT.
He guides me up the stairs and I follow him, skipping the steps he skips so I don’t go tumbling through the staircase and into the basement below. This house is wild.
