I take a deep breath and make my way over to the freezer to grab a bag of ice. “Don't look at me like that. Josie hates storms. They make her worry, and I’ve already put her through enough so can you please just text Mel?”
Will nods and does as I ask. A few seconds later, his phone lights up. “Message received,” he tells me. “Oh, and Mel said to tell you thanks, and also that you are a giant asshole. That’s a direct quote, by the way.”
I’m completely worn out and ready to fall into bed, but Mikalski’s standing in my way.
“You love her,” he says.
No one says a word, so Mikalski just fills the silence, because that’s what he does best. “You love her,” he repeats.
I’m starting to lose what little patience I have left. “Of course I love her. I have never not loved her. I met her in the middle of the night and I couldn't remember her name and it didn't matter because I knew I loved her and that I'd find her.”
Now it’s Norris who pipes up. “So what the hell are you doing here?”
I look down at my leg. “I can't run my ass over there can I?”
Norris is unimpressed. “You know what I mean. Why are you pushing her away?”
I don’t really feel like spilling my feelings everywhere, but the words just tumble out of my mouth. “Because I have nothing to offer her.”
“What the fuck?” Pete asks.
“There's no future for us,” I tell them. Then I make my way across the room, prop my crutches against the wall, and sit down on my bed. It’ll take me a minute to arrange the pillows and the foam wedge just right, but it makes it easier to sleep.
My best friend’s not letting me off the hook that easily. He stands in front of me, shaking his head. “No future? There's a storm and you lose your shit making sure she knows that you're okay? You gonna do that in six months? A year? Two? How sustainable is that? After Josie finds someone new, are you still gonna hound Will to text her?”
And just like that, the very thin thread of my patience snaps. “Fuck off, Pete. You know better than anyone?—”
“What I know,” Pete says, cutting me off, “is that Josie has dealt with real loss. The permanent kind. She knows exactly what it feels like when somebody never makes it home, so this pity party you're throwing yourself needs to fucking end,” he says, his patience gone, too. “You can make it home to her every night, asshole. Is it the way you thought it'd be? No. It's not even the way you deserve and that sucks. But you're here and so is she. You love her and she loves you. So why are you pissing away your time? It's not infinite, you know. We never know how much we'll get, so only a fucking dumbass," he says, his words pointed, "would waste it."
For the first time in our friendship, Pete Santos turns his back to me and walks away.
I don't stop him.
I don't say anything.
Because he's right.
42
Josie
When I hear the slam of a car door and the jingle of a key turning the lock, I instantly feel better. Zane’s home. It’s just past eleven p.m., so the younger kids are in bed, and now that Zane’s back, I can get some sleep myself. Or try to.
“Hey, Josie,” he says, walking past the couch I’m perched on and ruffling my hair. “Did you guys make cookies?”
“Yes,” I say. My holiday break started a few hours ago and I’ve already decorated one tree, made three kinds of cookies, and promised Iris that I could style her hair like Rudolph’s antlers tomorrow. There’s a video. Can it really be that hard?
Zane zips into the kitchen and reappears moments later with a handful of cookies and a concerned look on his face. “Have you been crying?”
I shrug. “Yeah, but I’m fine.”
Levi looks up from where he’s wrapping gifts on the floor. “Let me give you the rundown,” he says, holding his hand out like he’s ticking items off a list. “Her dumbass boyfriend is being a complete prick. He’s not coming for Christmas. Milo’s been sneezing all day, so I’d avoid the little snowball cookies if I were you because he helped make them. Tillie’s asking for a cat fromSanta and don’t even think about suggesting one from a shelter. She and Milo are planning to steal Mr. Bilson’s cat tomorrow because they think he’s shady and they are convinced he’s got dead bodies in his basement, so they want to save the cat. They think we don’t know about their plan, but Iris ratted them out.” Levi counts his fingers before nodding. “Yep, that’s it.”
I shake my head. “You forgot the part where Milo and Tillie catch a bus to Bainbridge, with the cat, of course, and hunt Van down to make him pay for breaking up with me.”
“Right, right,” my older brother says. “Slight change of plans on that, actually. I think I’ll just give them a ride. It’s safer, plus I wouldn't mind watching his demise at the hands of two ruthless eight-year-olds.”
Zane looks at me. “And we wonder where those two get the crazy from.”
