We had dinner with his mom tonight and it was delicious. She went to his Aunt Beth’s a little while ago to help get ready for tomorrow’s family gathering. I almost offered to help, but Van was standing behind her shaking his head vigorously. I’m not too worried; there’ll be plenty of opportunities to be helpful tomorrow. And he had a good point: I’m not going to pass up the chance for the two of us to be alone for a few hours.
Right now, though, he’s a little busy. I’m playing word games on my phone while he’s watching footage of the team’s last game. He’s recording messages for each of the guys about their strengths and where they need to improve. It’s amazing. He can watch a few seconds of footage and where all I see is a blur of jerseys and movement, Van can pinpoint exactly where Will needs to grip his stick a little higher or where Pete needs to pivot sooner.
I unscramble a few more words before Van closes his laptop and turns to me.
"Sorry. That took longer than I thought it would. It’s just that we’ll only have two practices before our next game, and I want to make sure we’re ready."
I wave him off. “I totally get it. Besides, it’s kinda hot, watching you work. I still don’t understand half of what you’re saying, but I love listening.”
Van smiles at me and though I’m not one for being the center of attention, I bloom under his gaze.
He tucks a stray hair behind my ear. "It’s wild, seeing you here."
"On your couch?"
"Yeah," he nods. "I never thought you would actually come here, to my house. I love it, don’t get me wrong. It’s just trippy as fuck."
“I’m glad it all worked out,” I say. “This is one of the few weeks a year I’m entirely kid-free.”
“Well, I’m really glad you decided to spend your break with me instead of with all your fictional boyfriends. I’m pretty sure that if you weren’t here, you’d be curled up in your bed reading about Duke-what’s-his-face.”
I blush. “I should probably tell you that Ward Fleetwood bears a striking resemblance to you. Maybe I just can’t resist you, in real life or in fiction.”
Van flashes me his commercial-worthy smile. “You say that now. But back when you were assigned to tutor me? Damn, Jos. Even before Coach told me where to go and who to ask for, I knew it would be you. As soon as he saidthere’s this tutor. She’s the best they have. I got this feeling and I just knew it would be you. I figured you’d never show."
Is he serious? “What? I am nothing if not reliable. And punctual.”
“And hot,” he adds. “But for real, I was pretty sure you’d find a way out of it. You, uh, got pretty good at avoiding me over the years.”
I hug a throw pillow to my chest like armor. He’s right, but it still stings. And his memory seems to be selective. “I did, but I wasn’t the only one whose tactic was avoidance. You did your fair share of hiding, too.”
Van’s quiet and I’m wondering if he remembers that day the way I do. Maye not. Maybe his slight wasn’t intentional. Just when I’m sure it’s all in my head, Van starts talking.
"Finals week, spring of sophomore year. We were in the courtyard of the commons. It was the first week of May and the sun was shining. Santos and Ollie started a game of capture the flag on the lawn."
Okay, he definitely remembers that day. I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. “Yes, I’d gotten out of my Stats final early and decided to eat outside where it was warm instead of in the freezing dining hall. I found a bench and got out mybook. Something must have happened with the game because there was all this yelling."
He nods, remembering. "Santos scored and tore his shirt off. Then beat on his chest like a caveman. It’s his signature move."
I laugh because it’s easy to picture Pete doing that. "Yeah, well, there was noise, so I looked over. But all I saw was you. You looked right at me. I froze, thinking that maybe you were going to wave or come say hi. Part of me desperately wanted you to, and the other part was paralyzed. But it wasn’t an issue. I’ve definitely done my share of avoidance. But I’m not the only one. You took one look at me, turned around and walked away. It was like you couldn’t get out of there fast enough."
"I couldn’t," he says plainly.
“Wow…um I mean, honesty is probably good for a relationship, but I think sugarcoating can be good too, sometimes?" I go for a laugh, but the truth is that his words hurt. I know he feels differently now, but it stings that he was so desperate to avoid me he practically ran in the other direction.
"Come with me, Jos," he says, his voice soft. Standing, he pulls me down the hall toward his room.
"Are you sure? Your mom could come home?—"
He presses a finger to my lips and a kiss to my forehead before showing me his phone and hitting Play. His mom’s voice fills the room.Hey, honey. Your Aunt Beth makes a strong margarita, so I’m spending the night here. There are leftovers in the fridge if you get hungry. And there are condoms under the sink in the bathroom. Be safe. I love you. And that girlfriend of yours is adorable. See you tomorrow.
“Please come with me?" he asks.
I nod and follow him. I’m still a little bothered that he walked away. I get it; I’ve done the same. But I don’t know…just the way he blatantly admitted that he basically ran away from me? Ouch. I wonder if I should say something. I hate confrontation. I reallydo. And I’ve wanted to be close to Van all day. I want to kiss him. I want to be with him. The thought of having sex with him, here in his room? Yes, please. But…I’m not really in the mood. And I don’t think I will be until we talk this out and resolve it.
We step through the doorway and he leads me to the bed. He leans back on a pile of pillows, while I sit on the edge.
"Van, before we…I want to?—"
