But none of this feels right.
In fact, it feels wrong.
It feels like I’m cheating on Josie, and I know that makes me sound fucking delusional.
I have no claim on Josie’s heart, but mine has been lost to her since the day we met.
I don’t expect her to do anything about it. My inability to get over Josie is not her problem.
But I know one thing: I can’t stay here.
I untangle myself from the web of blondes and mutter a half-hearted apology before crossing the room and heading for the door. I don’t make it far when the guys flag me down.
“I’m heading out,” I say before any of them can ask what the hell is wrong with me. “I’ve got reading due Friday. See you later.”
I don’t even bother to field their questions or ask if they’re having a good time. Everyone at that party is having a good time, except for me.
The fresh air feels good on my face as I leave the party and just start walking. Ten minutes later, I’m standing in front of the library, wondering how the hell I got here. Maybe my feet are so used to coming here that they just pointed me in this direction. Yeah, we’ll go with that.
It’s Wednesday, so Josie’s not working. If she were, I’d be here with her instead of running away from a fucking party.
I shouldn’t even be here. I don’t have any books with me, not that it would matter. But now that I’m here, I find myself walking through the main reading room and past the front desk to the stairs that will take me to the third floor and the comfy chairs. I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin right now, so maybe I just need to sit my ass down on a fluffy chair and get the hell over her already.
“Van?”
I freeze at the sound of Josie’s voice. It’s What is she doing here?
Shock must register on my face.
“Sorry if I scared you,” she says. “I go home on Wednesdays. Well, you know that already. But everybody in my house has a nasty stomach bug, so I’m staying here until it’s dead and gone. I messaged you on WolfChat to see if you felt like studying, but I’m guessing you didn’t see it.”
“Had my notifications off,” I say, lifting my phone up.
She nods and holy shit, this is awkward, and that awkwardness is taking its toll on me. I open my mouth, and nonsense comes out. “I’m here to read a book,” I announce. It’s a stupid thing to say for a lot of reasons, including the fact that my hands are empty. But that doesn’t slow Josie down.
“Road to Redemption, right?” she asks, her eyes bright, like finding people’s books brings her a joy she can’t find anywhere else.
“Yeah,” I say. “Left my copy at the house.”
“No problem. I know we have at least one on the shelf,” she says, leading the way. I follow her and watch as she plucks the book from the shelf and holds it out. “Silly me. If your copy is at home, you probably don’t need to check this out, do you? Where did you leave off?”
“Um…the middle of chapter thirteen. But I should start that one over, because I kept falling asleep.”
Josie fakes stabbing herself in the heart. “You fell asleep? But you’re almost at the best part.”
She’s practically dragging me upstairs, or at least, she would be, if I weren’t following behind like a lost dog.
She walks right over to the comfy chairs and takes a seat, still clutching the book to her chest.
I take the seat next to hers and stretch my legs out. “So, that chapter starts with him going back to Russia, right?”
She nods and bites her lip.
“It’s really that good, huh?” I can’t help but crack a smile.
“I used to hate this book,” she says, and I shoot her a look that saysWhat the hell?
“I did. Really. That was before I read all of it, of course. It was my dad’s favorite fiction book. Did I ever tell you that?”
