They don’t answer. They just giggle and start dragging me along. But their giggles are high-pitched and tingly, and the sound grates on my nerves. I don’t let it show, though, because Josie’s standing still, just watching us as we leave.
I want to turn around, shake these two off and go to my girl. But she’s not mine. She’s Kyle’s. Hell, even if she’s as single as I am, she’s made it clear that we are nothing more than tutor and student. So, I make it all the way to the baseball house (across two whole streets and an alley) before faking a text that saysI’ve got an emergency hockey meeting back at my place. Poor Tess and Lily look concerned, like I’m about to find out there’s a shortage of pucks or someone melted all the ice. I feel bad for ditching, but I’d be shitty company anyway.
I walk for a block and then dig my phone out of my pocket and hit the little microphone.
Van: You feel like getting a beer?
Santos: Does it come with wings?
Van: Sure.
Santos: Meet you at Wolfie’s in five.
Van: I’ll get a seat. I’m kinda shocked you’re willing to come out this late on a school night.
Santos: Only because I’m hungry. And I can’t make anything here.
Van: Dude, we bought groceries like two days ago.
Santos: I know…but Mikalski made his famous mac and cheese again…
I laugh, because it’s definitely famous. That guy never takes his meds, and he really should. He forgets everything and gets distracted easily. And he always puts his mac and cheese cup in the microwave without any water. Don’t do that. It melts. And catches fire. And lets off a foul rubber smell that lasts for days.
Santos: I was gonna put a frozen pizza in the oven, but somebody pulled too hard on the handle and…now our oven doesn’t have a door. But the good news is that we have two new shelves…
I make it to Wolfie’s and the place is packed, even for a Thursday night. That’s a good thing, though. It will keep my mind off the fact that I live in a shithole with a bunch of slobs. I need to talk to Santos about finding another tutor, but that conversation might have to wait for the weekend. He’s in that smart kid club—there's got to be someone. I thought Tuesday night was bad, but tonight was torture. It's clear that while Imight have missed Josie, she was just fine without me. And I'm glad—she deserves to be happy. But that doesn’t mean I have to watch.
11
Josie
The library—any library—has always been my favorite place. Some of my earliest memories are of curling up on an oversized cushion at the library and losing myself in a book.
I’m trying that trick now, but it isn’t working. I should have left half an hour ago, but instead of walking home after my disastrous tutoring session with Van, I grabbed some books off a cart and made my way up to the third floor. I’m in the very best spot—I like to think it’s mine alone, but I’ve seen someone here during every shift I’ve ever worked. There’s a comfy chair and an ottoman, a reading light and even a fake plant. It has “book nook” written all over it, but the coziness does nothing to soothe my nerves.
I wipe my eyes with the damp sleeve of my cardigan. I’ve wasted more than enough tears on Beckett Vandaele, but my eyes won’t stop leaking.
We are over. So over. We barely started, and I was the one to break it off. I never called him, never texted. I let things between us fade into nothingness. That was my choice.
“I’m gonna kick his fucking ass.”
I hear Mel before I see her. She hands me the contraband I knew she’d bring along. Food and beverages are forbidden in the stacks, but rules were made to be broken after you see your ex-boyfriend being led off to a den of pleasure by cute sorority girls.
“Thank you,” I sniffle. “And don’t kick his ass. You’d have to peel two pretty girls off him first.”
Mel scoffs. “You think I wouldn’t? I just did my nails, Josie, but I will happily pull him out from under a fucking harem to ask him what the hell his problem is.”
“He doesn’t have a problem. I do. I’m the one who can’t get over him, Mel. And how stupid is that. We were together for five minutes. It probably meant nothing to him and?—”
“Bullshit. He was wrecked after you broke up. He asks about you all the time, Josie.”
I shake my head. “Well, I can pretty much guarantee he’s not talking about me right now. Nope. He’s saying filthy things to two girls who wake up looking like Instagram models. How do they even do that? Are they just, like, born with contour lines? And eyelash extensions? I don’t get it. But they are magazine-cover perfect, and he is saying the dirtiest things to them, salacious, sultry things.”
Mel shoves a snickerdoodle in front of my face. “Stop. Spiraling. I made a judgment call on the cookie. We were out of oatmeal raisin because no one besides you eats warmed-up cardboard. Theo has been made aware of the deficit and assures me he’s ordering more as we speak. Well, he was sleeping when I called, but I’ll remind him tomorrow.”
I eat half my cookie and take a few sips of tea.
Mel takes a bite of her muffin before turning her attention back to me. “So…did the sorority girls interrupt your tutoring session? Because that might be enough to get you out of it. When Will told me you two would be working together, I may have been the teensiest bit excited. I’ve been rooting for you guys tofigure your shit out for years. And I love Van like a brother. But if he’s ditching you and his studies to sex it up in some frat house, he deserves to be benched.”
