The only consolation in all of this is that after everything went down, I contacted Chaz for the final time just to ensure that he’d keep the incident to himself. He promised he would and apologized for luring me over under false pretenses. He started back in with all the drama, so I made it clear we were done and hung up the phone.
It’s funny. I remember Chaz’s betrayal so clearly. I vividly remember him choosing his wife—the wife he told me was no longer married to—I walked in on them having sex, for god’s sake. That stung. But I was more angry than hurt.
Having Will walk away and not even look back? It hurts like hell. I’m sad and wrecked, and I don’t feel like myself anymore, but I don’t have the first clue what to do about it. Will was quickly becoming my confidant, my lover, my person—the one I’d turn to when the world was dragging me down. And here I am broken and lost.
There’s only one person I want to talk to, one person who could fix me, but he’s not an option, since he’s the one who broke my heart.
49
Will
In the span of a week, I’ve become a hermit, a recluse. Coach said to lay low, and I haven’t left the hockey house. I wake up and work out, do my online classes, run on the treadmill in Ollie’s room, then spend the rest of my night thinking about all the ways I fucked up this situation and the very few ways I have to fix it.
Coach is barely speakingto me since I refuse to give up the rest of my story. My teammates are frustrated, too. I know they’ve got my back, but everyone is wondering what the hell really went down last week, and though I know they all have their theories, I’m not confirming nor denying anything.
Tellingmy parents was the worst. Luckily, I got my dad on the phone and not my mom—the woman is a world-class interrogator. I stuck to the bare bones of the story, relaying only that someone was in danger and that I intervened. I can pretty much guarantee my parents think I’ll be cleared of any wrongdoing and soon all of this will be an ugly memory, but I’m not so sure.
The hearing is tomorrow,and my strategy is the same. I plan to explain that there was an issue—an altercation—and that I intervened to keep things from getting worse. But I refuse to give details or release Mel’s name. I’ve already made life lard for her. I don't need to go overboard. My strategy’s a risk, for sure, but it’s all I’ve got.
The sucky thing is,in all of this mess, Mel’s the one I want to talk to, the one I want to lean on, the one I want to ask for advice. The one I want to lose myself in when the world becomes too much. But I can’t.
Mel and I were a team—agood one, and now there’s a barrier between us—one that I put there. I can’t take it away, though I wish to god I could; but if there’s one thing Mel taught me, it’s to read your partner’s signals. To see where they are and get on that wavelength. And right now, the person I love most in the world needs space from me. It fucking guts me. I want like hell to take her in my arms and tell her it’s all going to work out. But that’s not the wavelength she’s on. That may be what I want, but it’s not what she needs.
50
Mel
I’m working the Sunday evening shift at Drip, and it’s slow, which means I have more time to dwell on my problems, and that is not good. You’d think with a full class load, and internship, and a job, that I’d be too busy to get sullen and pouty about the state of my love life. But you’d be wrong.
I’m wiping down the counter when the bell jingles. I look up, convinced I’ll see Will—convinced this is his grand gesture—but he’s not here. Instead, I look up to see Ian striding toward me. It’s like the universe knew exactly what I needed. I round the corner and wrap him in a hug for way longer than is socially acceptable. Ian doesn’t mind; he squeezes me right back.
“Take your thirty,” Theo calls, coming over to grab my rag and finish the job I started.
“I can’t,” I say. “I literally got off break ten minutes ago.”
Theo swipes my rag away. “First off, Ian’s clearly here to see you. And second, you’ve been distracted all week. I don’t know what’s up with you, but visiting with these guys will surely help.” He turns to give Ian a quick hug and then offers a handshake to Booker.
I take a seat across from them, smiling. “To what do I owe this pleasure? I don’t remember your break starting quite this early?”
“It doesn’t. I’m here for the night and to settle a bet.”
“A bet?”
“Yes,” he says, pulling Booker closer. “Book and I disagree, and I need you to set the record straight once and for all, ok?”
“Of course,” I say. “What’s up?”
Booker looks at me, his eyes pleading. “I want to know why you’re ghosting Will. Why you’re just letting him flounder when all this shit is going on. I love you like a sister, Mel, and if he did something to upset you, that’s on him, but believe me when I tell you he’s hurting. He could get kicked out for this.”
“Get kicked out? What are you talking about? And he’s the one who ghosted me. Yes, I asked for space, but I didn’t want to be frozen out. I need a little time, not an eternity.”
Ian and Booker share a look.
“I told you she didn’t know,” Ian says.
Booker looks dumbfounded. “But how? How could she not know?”
“Yeah, how could I not know? Wait—what don’t I know?”
