“Love languages?” Ollie asks, sounding downright wounded. “Dude, if you need advice, just come to us. Don’t ask the internet.”
“Because you guys are such experts?” I ask.
“Just because I am not currently seeing anyone exclusively,” Ollie says, “doesn’t mean I don’t know how to. Plus, Booker’s all but freaking married. As soon as he and Ian are in the same state for more than a weekend, watch out. And you bitches better bring it, because I look damn fine in a tux, and I’m not above showingyou all up.”
“Wait, what are we talking about?” Booker asks, clearly having heard his name.
“Love languages. I think we gotta pick one.” Santos calls out.
“Oh, yeah, I’ve heard of those. If you’re looking for advice, Will, I’d say gowith the one about service—you’ve got to show you care. Like, if Mel’s got a busy week, you could bring her dinner, or something like that. If it makes her life easier, do it,” Booker tells me.
“Yeah, I get that,” Santos says as he runs. “But… I think the time one… is more important, you know? Because sometimes you don’t need to do…anything. You just need to be there. Right, Van? Back me up here.”
Van helps Dean settle the weighted bar back on the rack, then holds his hands up in mock surrender. “I am not the one to ask. Hell, you were there for the demise of my relationship, Santos, you should know. I can give basic advice, but when it comes to love languages? Nah, I thought I knew what the fuck I was doing, turns out I was wrong. Count me out.”
“Don’t listen to any of them,” Ollie says, hopping back on the treadmill next to Santos. “It’s physical touch, that’s the key. You can show love through intimacy. That’s how your partner knows you care—and I’m not just talking sex. I’m saying hold hands, touch their back or their arm, give hugs. Physical touch is like necessary for survival. That’s the one.”
“I don’t know,” Dean-o says, rising from the bench. “Aren’t you supposed to give gifts to show you care—like her favorite flowers or something?”
I look around the room to see if anyone else wants to chime in, and the only one left is Norris. But he’s not offering up any answers or opinions. He’s just staring at us as though we’ve lost our collective minds.
“The hell are you looking at? You’ve never seen a group of guys standing around talking about love languages?” Dean-o asks, laughing.
“No,” Norris answers. “I’ve never seen a group of guys this clueless.”
Booker turns to him, slightly affronted. “As the lone wolf who’s in a loving, committed relationship, I take offense to that.”
“Seriously, how are we clueless?” Ollie wants to know.
Norris just shakes his head. “You’re arguing over which love language is the best when there’s clearly a right answer.”
“Oh, yeah? And what’s that?” Ollie asks.
“All of ‘em. Think about what you’re saying. These are not relationship goals, assholes. These are the basic fucking levels of a partnership.” He grabs his water bottle and heads over to the refill station, clearly pissed about something.
“What’s up his ass?” Ollie wants to know.
No one has the answer, so Booker, ever the captain, grabs his own water bottle and follows Norris. The other guys mill around at different stations, but I hang back, still trying to figure out what to do.
Santos slows down on the treadmill before coming over to sit down next to me. “Maybe Norris has a point. Maybe I need to do all of them,” I tell him.
Santos shrugs. “He might, but take it one thing at a time, Will. You’re reallyinto Mel, and it’s obvious she’s just as into you.”
His words sound good, but he doesn’t know the secret Mel and I are keeping. While I’m glad that we’re convincing, and that it seems like we’re a happy couple, the truth is I’m half in love with her, and she’s just pretending. At least, I think she is. I mean, sometimes it seems like she’s just as far gone as I am.
Santos claps me on the back. “It’s good to see Mel this happy, man. She had kind of a rough go last semester. I don’t know all the details, but I know that whoever she was seeing did her dirty. And you? You just make her happy, so capitalize on that. Trust your gut, man.”
“You make that sound easy.”
“It’s not hard. I mean, look, my dating track record isn’t perfect, which is probably why I’m single. Although, honestly, I also chalk that up to herding these yahoos all season. But my point is this: Being with you obviously makes Mel happy. So, when you’re planning your date, do what sounds fun. What’s your favorite way to spend a day, besides on the ice with these sweaty bastards? Start there.”
After mulling his advice over in my head, I come to the conclusion that Pete Santos is a genius. Mel has shown me the ropes, shared her favorite things with me, and it’s time I do the same. I know just what to do for our date this weekend.
37
Will
Itook Santos’s advice, but now I’m kinda second-guessing that decision…
