“Thanks,” she says, grabbing some napkins from the little metal dispenser on the counter. Soon our ice cream is ready, and we take a seat at one of the picnic tables. “So, vanilla, huh?”
I feel my face heat up. “Yep. Totally predictable, right? Barely been kissed, never had sex, loves vanilla ice cream,” I say, taking a bite. “Maybe I should post a dating profile on WolfChat and put that as my bio.”
“Whoa, not so fast,” Mel says, dabbing at the corner of her mouth with a napkin. “First off, you’re my boyfriend. No posting on dating apps until I dump you.”
“Fakeboyfriend,” I remind her, laughing. “But ok, that’s a deal.”
“And,” she continues, “no dissing virgins. Seriously. You’re pretty damn hard on yourself, Will. Ease up. You’ve got a lot going for you, and anyone who looks at sexual history as some kind of score card is an asshole, and you don’t need them in your life.”
I know she’s right, but I feel like I’m behind the curve when it comes to relationships.
“So…” I say, ready for a change of subject. “We’re at the perfect first date spot. We’ve got our ice cream, what next?”
“Now, we talk,” she says, as though the very idea of small talk doesn’t have me breaking out in a cold sweat. “And,” she says, reaching into her bag, “I brought a little tool along. This part’s not always easy, but this will definitely help.”
She rummages around in there, and a thought occurs to me. “Holy shit, did you bring a dildo?”
Mel’s eyes go wide, and she smacks my arm. “Shhhh! Do you want people in the next county to hear you?”
“No, I just wanna know if you’re gonna get your dildo out right now? I mean, we are in public. Should we, like, go back to your car or something?”
“Oh my god,” she mutters before taking another bite of her cone.
She licks the melty ice cream to keep it from dripping, and yeah…I can totally see how an ice cream shop is the perfect place for a date.
Mel takes another bite, then digs around in her bag again. But when she pulls her hand out, she’s just holding up a pack of playing cards. At least, that’s what it looks like.
“I brought conversation cards,” she tells me. “Not a damn dildo. What is wrong with you? And also, if anyone ever does bring a dildo along on a date, do not go back to their car to use it. Jesus. You’ll get arrested for public indecency.” Mel shakes her head at me. “I know you’ve said you don’t have a lot of dating experience, and though I’ve never coached anyone before, I figured this was a good place to start. This way, you don’t have the added pressure of coming up with stuff to talk about.”
Wow. She really thought of everything. I pick up the little stack of cards she’s placed on the table. They’re light blue with little speech bubbles all over them. I flip through and grab one at random, holding it up. “Ok, let me try this…Where are you from?”
“That’s a good one,” she says. “Not too personal, but still gives you something to talk about. Ok, I’m from Long Island. How about you?”
“A little town called Clarkston, Ohio. It’s not far from Cleveland.”
“And you came all the way out here for school? I’m surprised you didn’t go to Ohio State. But wait, isn’t their mascot a chestnut? That might put me off too.”
I fake outrage. “Woah, you leave Brutus out of this. And he’s a buckeye, not a chestnut. They’re completely different,” I tell her, though I have no idea if that’s really true. “And actually, I came here because of Coach Baylor. The Wolves had a killer season last year, and my dad and I were looking for a good program, one that would get me noticed, but also get me some ice time.”
“That makes sense,” Mel says. “And speaking as a fan, last year’s season was amazing. Think you guys can make it that far again?”
“Hell yes,” I answer without hesitation, making Mel laugh.
“You sound pretty confident for a guy whose season hasn’t even started yet.”
I shrug. “I’ve always been confident when it comes to hockey. Not, like, arrogant, just…sure of myself, you know. We definitely have the talent to get there. Practice has been good I’m not gonna jinx us or anything, but I have a feeling it’s gonna be a good season.”
Mel nods at the stack. “Pick another,” she tells me.
I cut the deck in half and take a card from the middle. “Do you have siblings?” I ask, reading the card.
“Nope,” she answers. “I’m an only child. My parents have been divorced since I was little, and they’ve both moved on to other relationships, but I never got any siblings out of their various romances. I guess they figured perfection had been achieved with me, so why keep going, right?” she jokes. “What about you? Lone wolf? Or one of many?”
“One of two,” I tell her. “I’ve got a younger brother, Wes. He’s a freshman in high school. We’re total opposites. He’s not into sports at all, but I love the guy. He’d rather be reading most of the time, but he made it to all my games and always cheered me on. He could not care less about hockey, but he was my biggest fan. Family’s actually the only thing I miss about being so far away, you know?”
“Actually, I do. I may not have siblings, but I have really close friends. Ian, Booker’s boyfriend, is the big brother I never had. I love that guy and I’d do anything for him. After I graduate, he wants me to move to D.C. He’ll be there for a few more years, and there are plenty of accounting firms down there. Plus, I love the hustle and bustle of a city. And I miss Ian, so being in the same place again would be pretty awesome.”
Mel looks a little wistful, then she picks a card from the pile. “Ok, it’s my turn now… Oh this is a good one too. Answer this: If you could travel anywhere without worrying about expenses, where would you go?”
