“Woah, slow down,” Mel says, taking her wine glass from me and moving it to the other end of the table. “Just…eat your bread,” she tells me.
That’s a good idea, so I happily comply.
“It’s good?” she asks, arching an eyebrow, and I’m pretty sure I moaned out loud again.
“So good. But the middle part is better than the crust part, so I’m just gonna eat that. They should totally make a way to flip bread inside out. Because the middle is always better, but you have to eat the crust first. They should put the crust in the middle and the middle on the outside.”
“Uh-huh,” Mel says, flagging down the server to ask for another glass of wine.
“We should talk,” I tell her. “Santos said to just talk about normal stuff, so that’s what we should do.”
Mel crosses her arms on her chest. And I’m totally not looking at the way it pushes the tops of her breasts up so that they peek out of her top just a little. I’m really not. That’s way too hard to focus on. “Did Santos also say to get shitfaced beforehand?”
“No, that was Ollie.”
“I’m gonna kill Ollie,” she tells me, reaching for her phone.
I put my hand out to stop her, but my aim’s a little wide, and I end up slapping her half-empty wine glass, spilling the remains all over her lap.
“Oh,shiiiiit!” I say, maybe a little louder than I should.
“It’s fine,” she hisses.
“‘S not fine,” I say. “Wine stains and you’re gonna smell like alcohol.”
“Well, that would make two of us. Besides, my dress is black, so it’s fine. And you need to chill before they realize you're drunk and underage.”
“Good point,” I say, gathering up the napkins at the table, rolling them into a giant ball, and proceeding to blot the shit out of my date.
“Oh. My. God. Stop,” she says, and in fairness, I think I just shoved a linen napkin in her face.
“I wanna be helpful,” I tell her.
“It’s a little late for that. Just eat your bread and drink your soda while I call—”
“No,” I tell her. “Please, don’t call the guys. Ollie didn’t mean to get me drunk. It was just supposed to be a shot to take the edge off, but if one’s good, then five’s good…est. Right?”
“No. Not right,” she tells me, accepting her new drink. She downs half of it in one swallow.
“Please, I’m really sorry I got drunk. It’s my fault. Not theirs. I was just nervous because I’m a virgin. Like a nervous virgin. A nergin.”
“You’re—oh, my god. How is that even relevant? We are just having dinner.”
“I know. I didn’t think I’d lose my nerginity tonight. I just wanted to have a nice dinner. A ninner. Niner? Nincer? But then—”
I’m cut off when our food arrives, which is most definitely for the best.
“Eat your food,” she tells me, handing me a fork. “Just eat, and then I’ll take you home, ok?”
“I’m gonna eat,” I tell her. “And sober up. Then we should go to Wolfie’s and—”
“No way,” she interjects. “No more alcohol for you. You can’t even get served there. Food and then home. Got it?”
“Got it,” I say as I accidentally hit myself in the face with my fork. “Ouch.”
“I am gonna kill Ollie,” she says again. “Just go and have fun, he said. Fun? Yeah, right. I’m babysitting a drunk freshman. Jesus. Could this night get any worse?”
14
