I’m a fucking mess. Some psych guru I am.
Chapter 28
Ian
I’m spendingmy Friday afternoon in the library, finishing up edits on my thesis. I might as well stay here all night. It’s not like I have anyone to go home to. And that’s all my fault.
No. It’s better this way, I tell myself.I’m going to pack up and head home and treat myself to Thai food and catch up on TV. We never finished watching—fuck.
Whatever. I’ll read. Or maybe I will watch TV—might as well. Everything reminds me of him. My sheets still smell like him even though I’ve washed them three times. I keep finding his t-shirts, and I even found a baseball cap under one of the couch cushions. He’s everywhere. I was grocery shopping yesterday and bought low-fat milk out of habit. In such a short time, he wove himself into the fabric of my life, and I can’t unravel it all—not this quickly.
In the middle of my pity party, Hannah interrupts me, pulling out a seat at my study table. “Ian, I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I have good news, and it’s best told in person.”
I don’t want to get my hopes up, so I try to stay calm as I ask, “What is it?”
She’s practically vibrating with excitement. “You’re in the clear. The investigation showed exactly what we knew it would. There’s no evidence of wrongdoing on your part at all. Plus, Booker’s testimony aligned with what you told the dean. Nothing happened between the two of you while he was in our class.”
I release the breath I’ve been holding all week. She’s right; we had a feeling it would go this way. The department head called the investigation “nonsense” and called Grant Zabek a “righteous, arrogant asshole”. But it’s a huge weight off my shoulders to have the final decision. My name is in the clear. Grad school is no longer in jeopardy.
“That’s…amazing,” I say, relief washing over me. It’s official. I did nothing wrong, and I can move on with my life. I’m elated, and yet, there’s a hollowness in this victory that I don’t want to examine too closely. I’m moving on, yes. But without Booker, what’s the point?
I give myself a mental head shake. That’s ridiculous. Booker has another year here and then he’s headed to the NHL. I’m off to pursue my doctorate next fall. Our lives are moving in different directions. Our breakup was inevitable.
“Ian, this is great news. Why do you look so defeated?”
“No, I’m good,” I say. “In fact, I was able to finish all of the journals for the Psych of Sex classes. The essays are done too. And yesterday, I entered the final project grades for the freshmen.”
“You are amazing,” she beams, then taps her chin. It’s a move I’ve come to recognize. She’s about to give me a lecture. If I had to guess, I’d say the topic will be self-care. She’ll mother-hen me into taking the weekend off, or something. I get where she’s coming from, but I’d rather stay busy. It’s easier this way.
Before Hannah can launch into a well-meaning diatribe, my phone buzzes on my desk.
I move to silence it, but Hannah waves me off. “Take it. But come to my office when you’re done?”
“Of course.” I nod, then check my phone.
Luke: Call me. ASAP.
I hit two buttons, and in seconds, the phone is ringing.
“Luke, what’s up?”
“You’re done for the day, right?”
“Yeah, well, sort of. But I have a minute. What’s going on? Is everybody okay?”
My mind races with the possibilities of all that could be wrong.
“Yeah, except the cows.”
“The cows? All two hundred of them? What is going on?”
He sighs. “I need your help.”
“With what? I’m over four hours away.”
“I know, but I’m desperate. Mom and Dad are out of town, and PJ and Katie are going crazy. The kids are sick and…I’m stuck dealing with shit all by myself. You know I’d never ask, but… they broke the fence in the north pasture, and I need to get it fixed ASAP. Plus, only half the herd has been inoculated, and I’ve got to take care of the rest tonight and tomorrow morning.”
“Mom and Dad are out of town? That doesn’t sound like them.” The last time my parents went out of town, it was an hour’s drive into Pittsburgh for my cousin’s wedding. And they drove back later that night.
