He can’t sacrifice for me. I won’t let him. He can’t lose everything he loves—his house, his team, hockey. His sisters.
When I was a kid, I stood by and watched the people I love lose so much just for me. I was too young, too powerless to do anything about it.
But I’m older now. I can’t let Booker risk it all for me. I love him too much to stand by and watch that happen.
So I do the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I walk away.
* * *
My shift was miserable.Well, at least, what I remember of it. I walked around in a fog, relying on muscle memory to complete every task.
Theo comesin and relieves me, but I’m not looking forward to going home. I exit the coffee shop to see Booker waiting in the courtyard. The sight of him wrecks me.
He smiles sadly.“Hey, um. I’m sorry about today. That was pretty awful. And I get why you left. Who would stand there and listen to my dad if they didn’t have to? But you didn’t return any of my texts.”
“That’sbecause there’s nothing left to say,” I tell him, ignoring the sound of my own heart as it shatters.
“What do you mean?Ian, nothing has changed between you and me.”
“Everything has changed,Booker. Your dad threatened to take away everything you love, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that happen.”
“Ian,no. He’s bluffing. And even if he’s not, I’ll figure it out. I’m not breaking up with you just because my dad’s a bully. I’m done letting him dictate my choices. I’m done letting him run my life. That’s no way to live.”
“Booker, no,”I protest, that all-too-familiar chill running down my spine. “You can’t give up your home for me. Your school, your team. And what about your sisters? I don’t know your father, but I can guarantee those weren’t idle threats.”
He sighs.“Look, things are definitely going to change in my life. That’s unavoidable. I…might have to give up school, but honestly, I could declare myself a free agent. It sounds crazy, and a little scary, but I know Coach would support my decision.”
“Booker, no. You are not sacrificing school for me. My family sacrificed enough for me. I’m not putting you through that.”
Booker shakes his head.“There might not be any other way. I’m not here on scholarship. It seemed dickish to take some guy’s scholarship when my parents can afford the tuition. So, things might change. But that’s life, right? And if you’re looking for another roommate, I think I know a guy.”
“I’m not,”I say, the words passing over my lips like knives. “Booker, I love you for wanting to sacrifice everything for me, but I can’t let you. You’re not giving up your happiness, your house, your boys, your education, for me.”
“But—”
I halt his protest.“It’s not going to work in the long run, Booker. I’m heading too far away for school. It could be Miami, for fuck’s sake. Tell me how that’s going to work. You’ll be here. And long distance is hard. You have hockey. I’ll be up to my eyelids in grading and writing. You’re not sacrificing anything for me, Booker. I won’t let you. We can’t see each other anymore.”
Booker looks pale,shocked, and it physically hurts to see him this way. “No. No, I won’t accept that. What the…? This is bullshit. You’re my first boyfriend, Ian. The only one I have ever wanted. I never got it before you, what all the fuss was about. It never mattered to me—love, sex. Those were things for other people, not for me. But now? Knowing you? This is my first love story. It’s not supposed to end like this.”
He reachesfor me and though it hurts to do so, I pull back. “Not everyone gets a happily ever after.”
Booker closes his eyes,leans in, brushes a kiss on my lips, and whispers. “Fuck you. Fuck you for making me fall in love.”
He walks away,and I just sit in one of the chairs outside Drip, head in my hands, knowing I did the right thing, but wondering if I’ll ever feel whole again.
Chapter 23
Booker
Booker:I need you guys
Ty: I’m at home. Where are you?
Knox:I can be there in ten
Whit: See you all in 5 (that’s because I’m better than you, Knox)
I run to The Chapel, and even though my lungs burn, it’s nothing compared to the ache in my chest. I open the front door to see my whole crew there. Even Rose is in on the action, toddling around the room with her grocery cart.
