“Yea, thanks for inviting me.”
“Me and Dad were here for dinner last night, too. And the night before, we had McDonald’s. But that’s only because the frozen pizza burned up our new oven. There was so much smoke, Knox. It was crazy. And the alarm went off and a fire truck came and everything.”
Embarrassment colors Keith’s cheeks.
“Ovens are tricky,” I say somberly. Our food arrives then, and Ronin eats a few bites before turning to his dad and asking if he can play in the ball pit. Keith tells him yes and Ronin’s off like a flash.
Silence settles between us and I pay an inordinate amount of attention to the fries left on my plate.
A yelp erupts from the direction of the ball pit, and Keith and I turn our heads toward the noise. There’s a little redheaded girl of maybe three or four crying that her brother hit her, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see Ronin far away, playing and laughing.
“Everything ok with you guys?” I ask, knowing it’s not.
“No,” Keith laughs mirthlessly. “But it never really was, I guess. Now, at least, things seem to be moving in a better direction.”
Ok...I’m trying to read between the lines, but Keith continues so I don’t have to.
“Look, Knox, things with Heather and me...they’re not good. Obviously. And, like I said, I’m beginning to realize they never really were. I, uh, I moved out. And Ronin’s with me for now. Honestly, I hope it stays that way. That kid has more energy than I know what to do with, but he’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”
Thinking of Rose, I understand exactly what he means.
“I, uh, wanted you to meet up with us today because, well, Ronin misses you, of course. You’re all he talks about. Well, you and Tanner and Spiderman and how we should get a dog.” Keith shakes his head. “Anyway, I’ll text you our new address. I found a condo not too far from where your mother lives. She’s...taking some time off. She’s out in California at her sister’s house.I’m not sure when she’ll be back, and frankly, I don’t care, but—”
I stop him. “I don’t, either. Too much has happened. The damage has been done and it can’t be undone. Maybe I’m the asshole, but I don’t ever need to see Heather again. And there’s no way in hell she’s coming anywhere near Willa or Rose. Ronin, on the other hand…” I let my words hang in the air.
“That’s the other reason I wanted to meet up. You're his brother, Knox. He adores you. And with good reason. Like I said, I’d never restrict your access to Ronin. I truly mean that. Not only would that be unfair to you, it would break his heart.”
I sink back into the booth and rub the ache that’s formed in my chest. I didn't figure Keith would invite me to lunch only to tell me I can’t see Ronin anymore, but I was raised by a woman who would’ve done just that, so I couldn’t be sure.
“I know I’m not exactly your favorite person,” he starts, but again, I hold out my hand to stop him.
“About that...look, I’m sorry, ok? Truly. I froze you out when I really shouldn’t have. I get that now.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Knox. You were a kid. I was the adult. I just...I guess I never really knew what I did to drive this wedge between us. You and I used to get along pretty well. After your mom and I got married, things changed. I always wondered if you felt threatened, or thought I was going to take her away from you. I—”
“She told me you didn’t want me.” My blunt words stop him. He actually drops his jaw, like in the movies. “She said you told her you wanted your own children, and not me. I was just a kid,” I shrugged. “I knew my mom wasn’t super-nurturing, but I didn’t know she was a manipulative narcissist. Hell, I was maybe eight? All I knew was what she told me.”
He reaches his arm out, then pulls it back and wraps it around his half-empty beer glass, suddenly self-conscious. “Knox, that was never true. Never. I was so happy to be getting a son. Yea, I wanted more kids, and I’m so grateful for Ronin, but…” His eyes are rimmed in red, and he looks like he’s been to hell and back. I chance a quick glance to myleft and spot Ronin, happily climbing a little rock wall, so I focus my attention back on Keith.
“Look,” I say, “you and I could spend years separating lies from truths. But I’m learning that sometimes it’s better to let the past go, so you can enjoy all the good that’s right in front of you. Am I pissed as hell at Heather? Yea, I still am. But I’m learning to let go of that, learning to live in such a way that she’s not on my radar, not taking up my energy. I only have room for the good stuff—Willa, Rose, my friends, Ronin, and you.”
He sighs and offers a weary smile. “Yea, I think you have it right.”
“If you guys need anything, give me a call, ok? I’m happy to take the little man for a couple hours or whatever. Give you a little time to find your sanity.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” Keith says, then clears his throat. “Have you thought about contacting him? Your dad?”
His question catches me off guard. I’ve thought about it, sure, and Willa thinks I should, but something’s holding me back. I shrug. “Haven’t decided.”
Keith nods, then takes a sip of his drink. “You didn’t ask my opinion, but I’m going to give it anyway. I think you should. It’s too late for a lot of things, I know, but he shouldn’t miss out on meeting you. You’re worth knowing, Knox.”
Keith’s words roll around in my head for a minute. They were words I didn’t know I needed to hear, but damn, they mean something. I clear my throat, too, and nod in acknowledgment.
It’s clear that my mother did more damage than just keeping my daughter a secret and breaking my girl’s heart. But I’m not letting my anger from all of that stand in the way of all the good in my life, and neither is Keith. And that feels like a win.
* * *
Willa
