“Why’s that?” she asks.
“Because,” I say, pushing her shot glass forward so Ty can refill it, “that leaves more for me.”
I relay the events of the afternoon, and though these guys know just how low my mother will sink, even they’re shocked at the depths of her cruelty and deception.
“Holy shit, Knox. You have a freaking family out there who doesn’t even know you exist,” Phoebe says.
“I know. I’m still coming to terms with it. It’s crazy. Kind of exciting, but mostly terrifying.”What really haunts me is how easily I could have been in my own father’s shoes. My own mother took extreme measures to ensure I’d never meet my own child. And sadly, she manipulated my dad in much the same way.
“Are you going to look for him?” Booker wants to know.
“So... Now might be a good time for your birthday gift?” Willa looks strangely cautious. She goes to the dining room and comes back with a square box wrapped in silver paper.
Rose reaches for the gift, but I scoop her up. “You can help me, ok, Rosebud?”
I unwrap it and stick the bow in Rose’s crazy hair. The box looks unfamiliar, and I don’t recognize the writing on the front.
Willa reaches for me. “It’s one of those DNA kits. I hope you don’t hate it… Um, I just thought, you know…” She takes a deep breath. “Since you don’t know anything about your dad, I thought, if you were curious, you could find out more about his family. Like, you know, just genetic stuff. Or maybe find a distant cousin. I don’t want to open old wounds, but since we have Rose, I thought maybe you’d want to know more about your history? Especially now.But if you—”
I stop her ramblings with a kiss. And not a sweet, chaste one. A full-on kiss. Rose is still smushed between us and she’s grabbing at the neck of my tee, so I break the kiss and give her a boop on her nose.
“This is perfect. Seriously.”
“Yea? Because I thought it was such a good idea, but now I’m kind of having buyer’s remorse,” she laughs.
“No, I love it. Honestly. Like, this could actually happen. I could meet my father. And he might not, you know...hate me. I mean, he could... Jesus. He could have a whole other family. From the little I gathered, he was a couple years younger than my mom, so that would put him what? In his late thirties, maybe? Shit, he could be one of the dads at story time.”
Willa rubs my back and wraps her arms around me. “It’s up to you, Knox. You can do the test, contact him or one of your family members, or leave it alone. I mean, I guess there’s a chance he’s not even in their database. It’s totally up to you. And you don’t have to make the decision now. You can do this in your own time.”
She’s right in a way, and I’m grateful for her patience, but I don’t think the choice is really mine. And maybe that’s because I don’t even want to picture my life without Rose in it. Six weeks ago, I was a hot damn mess—angry and restless, and generally pissed off. But finding Willa and Rose has given me a purpose. It’s made me want to become a better man. Knowing that I lost out on nine months of my daughter’s life cuts me deep, but to lose twenty years? To meet a grown ass adult man and find out he’s your kid? That has to be crazy. And that’s what I’ll be walking into if I pursue this. But if I don’t, doesn’t that make me just like my mother? Willfully denying this man the right to know his child? I can’t live with that.
I take a deep breath and face my family. “I’ve gotta do it. If he’s not listed, or I can’t find him, it’s out of my hands. And if he doesn’t want anything to do with me? Well, I’ll deal with that. I already have one shitty parent. What’s one more? Besides, I’ve got all of you.”
Rose gets restless in my arms, so I pass her off to Phoebe, who has food. Whit’s still on the line, trying to talk Ty through the steps of a recipe and it’s noisy and crazy, and I love it.
My phone buzzes with a text from Keith telling me that I’m free to see Ronin whenever I want to. He assures me Heather won’t stand in my way, and says he’ll be in touch soon. I’m not sure what all is going down there, but I can still see my brother, and that's all I need to hear.
Wrapping my arms around Willa, I breathe in that cherry-blossom scent I’m so addicted to.
“It’s all going to be okay,” she tells me.
I look around the room, over at my baby girl, and down at my girlfriend. “It already is.”
Chapter 27
Knox
Ty moves around the kitchen,making Phoebe’s coffee just the way she likes it, not caring that his own cup of straight up Joe is getting cold. My cup’s cold now, too, but I don’t care, either. Willa’s cuddled up next to me, eating eggs and drinking hot tea. Rose is banging the tray of her high chair happily and feeding herself Cheerios.
It’s a good morning.
Classes resume next week, and while it will be good to get the spring semester under way, I’ll miss these lazy mornings. It’s crazy, when I think about it. Just a few short months ago, I’d be stumbling out of bed about now, probably still half-drunk, and more-than-likely, not alone. Yet here I am with my girlfriend and our daughter, happier than I ever imagined being.
Just as I’m contentedly enjoying this blissful moment, Rose lets out a high pitched squeal that nearly splits my eardrums. “You all done sitting, baby girl?” I ask, stretching forward to lift her up and out of her seat. She giggles and blows little bubbles as I cover her cheek in kisses.
“Look how cute she is, Phee,” Ty says, turning toward us. “Can we get one? Please?” He punctuates his plea with puppy dog eyes, but Phoebe is having none of it.
“Hell no,” she answers. “Not for at least five years.”
