But I have no choice, so I paste on a smile and turn toward him. He looks as handsome as ever—tall, broad, and muscular is a good look on him—but his smile falters and the dark circles underneath his eyes probably match my own.
“Paige,” he says my name quietly, like if he makes too much noise I might disappear.
“I’m actually heading out. My brother and his wife came to get me.”
“Shit. I was supposed to drive you to the train station. I’m sorry. I-”
“It’s fine,” I tell him, though nothing’s fine at all. “I let them know my friend’s car broke down. I could have called a Ryde, the station’s not far at all, but Nate said he wanted to come.”
“Good. That’s good. Not that I can’t drive you, that’s not good. Just that they came to get you. That is good,” he stammers and suddenly I’m vaulted back to September and the few stilted, awkward conversations we had before he got comfortable with me. I guess we left comfort behind on the side of the road yesterday, and now we’re back to awkward.
“Look, Paige, I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. And—”
“I need to go,” I tell him, motioning to the car.
“I know. But I have to apologize. The way I treated you? The things I said? I didn’t mean any of it and I’m so sorry.”
He looks broken. He’s always been this big, buff guy, but he looks like he’s missing part of himself.
I want to wrap my arms around him and never let go. I want to accept his apology and forgive him and start putting the pieces of us back together, but I just can’t do it. The wounds from yesterday cut too deep. I’ve had a lifetime of not feeling good enough, of not belonging, and his careless words still sting.
I may not know what I want to be when I grow up. And my lone talent might be painting my face on the internet, but I know this: I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.
He reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder. Leaning into his touch would be so easy, but I can’t afford it. I’m not willing to pay that price. I gave him everything I had, and because of one bad day—admittedly, an especially shitty one—he threw us away. I need to remember that before I do something foolish, like wrap myself around him and bury my head against his chest.
I hear the woosh of the automatic doors and look over to see Nate carrying two tubs of my clothes and Megan walking next to him. “I need to go.”
“Of course, I just…Could I—”
“Goodbye, Spencer,” I say, before swinging the rear door open and crawling inside. A glance at the rearview mirror tells me Spence has turned and walked away.
“Who was that?” Nate asks.
“No one,” I lie.
Megan arches a brow and Nate says, “Are you sure about that. Because if he’s the one who put that brokenhearted look on your face, I will take great pleasure in—”
“Slow down there, tough guy. The only thing you’ve hit in your entire life is the jackpot when you met me,” Megan says, and I’m liking her sass. “Besides, is this the kind of example you want to show your son or daughter?”
Say what? My brother gets the sweetest, sappiest smile on his face. “Maybe? What if our kid grows up and dates a guy who makes them cry?”
“Then we’ll let them handle it,” she says.
“Woah, woah, woah. Hold up. Is this a hypothetical brokenhearted kid or…?”
Megan smiles at me. “Surprise, Auntie Paige!”
Nate holds her hand in his. “We’re due in June. We were going to tell everyone at Christmas, but…”
“It seemed like you could use some good news,” Megan says.
“Uh, yeah. Something like that. And this is the best news ever.” Nate starts the car and we drive away from campus toward the interstate.
As we drive, the car is filled with talk about the new baby and law school, and how over the moon Mom and Dad are. There’s so much to look forward to in the coming year. But with every mile that passes, I can’t help but think I left my heart back on campus.
A few hours later, I’m standing in my closet at home, doing that thing where I stare at the racks and wait for the perfect outfit to jump off the hanger. Since no magic is happening, I flip through assorted sweaters and dresses, but nothing is speaking to me. I find the cocktail dress I wore to Sophie’s engagement. It’s too fancy for anything I usually do, which is why I brought it home at Thanksgiving. But it reminds me of Spence and how he drove three hours just to see if I was ok.
How is that Spence the same guy who dumped me in his busted car on the side of the road?
