“I thought so. Anyway, she has this friend Sage who reads Tarot and he offered to give me a revenge spell to reverse the curse, but it sounds dicey. For all I know, Magic Penis Man really did have a flight change. I mean, he did leave a note.”
“A note you spilled tea all over, if memory serves.”
“Yea, and it was a really good Blood Orange herbal blend. I was sad to have spilled it. Anyway, it sucks that I haven’t gotten laid in months, but I’m really not sure that warrants trying my hand at witchcraft.”
“Fair enough. Maybe if you hit the clubs this weekend, you’ll have better luck?”
“You forget—I have favors to work on this weekend for your engagement party. You still want me there an hour early? I can come at noon, if that’s better.”
“Noon would be glorious. I hope I’m feeling better by then, but the odds are not on my side. But at least Everett is divorced, so I only have to deal with my mother and not his ice queen of an ex-wife. And don’t worry about the favors. I told you, I can—”
“Stop! I won’t even hear of it. I made adorable favors for Mandy’s wedding, and we’re hardly close. You’re having an engagement party, and I’m damn well making the favors. They are so cute—wait until you see them!”
“I appreciate it so much, but I hate to give you one more thing to do.”
“Hush. Besides, I bought that damn Cricut. I might as well put it to good use.” I smile cheekily and sign the bill our server has left.
“Well, thank you. I’m sure I’ll love whatever you make.”
“You will. I’m one crafty bitch.”
“Can’t argue with that logic.”
“And you are one exhausted bitch.”
“Also true,” Elaine admits.
“Let’s get out of here. You want me to drive you home?”
“No, but thanks. Simon’s coming to get me. He’s hanging out with Daryl now, so I’ll walk back with you to the office.”
“That’s a plan, lovely. Just don’t puke on the two block walk.”
“I’ll do my best,” she offers with no conviction.
Poor girl barely made it around the block before tossing her cookies. We managed to get to Chesapeake Shores not too long afterward, and her sweet Simon took one look at her and scooped her up and into the car. I think he’d wrap her in bubble wrap if he could. And I think she’d let him, if it curbed the nausea.
Now I’m sitting in my office staring at the fourteen phone messages I’ve managed to accumulate in an hour and a half.
One is from Simon, checking in on E. That I’ll allow.
One is from my dentist, reminding me of my appointment next week. Much appreciated.
The rest are from various family members. They’re a little needy, my crew.
I remind myself that it could be worse. Elaine’s mother is a vicious hag. My parents are perfectly nice people. And so are their spouses. And their various exes. And all of the children those relationships spawned. Well, except for Winn. He’s kind of a dick. He’s also a fifteen-year-old boy, so we’re fairly sure the dickishness will pass.
My phone buzzes as if to remind me that I’m ignoring it and the messages it holds. I sigh and scroll. What could today’s crises be? Last week, my stepdad’s parrot needed to be rushed to the emergency vet because it choked on a cracker. Let’s hope today is less hectic.
Looks like my mom’s cleaning lady bailed, and she’s checking to see if I know of anyone. Okay, that should be easy enough.
My Uncle Barry, on my dad’s side, wants to know if I can help my cousin Janey move into her boyfriend’s place next weekend. Also easy. And I always liked Scott. I’ll have to get them a housewarming gift.
My Aunt Crystal (Barry’s third wife) asks if I have time for lunch next week. I can easily make that work. She’s vegan, so we’ll have to go to the Green Kitchen. I text her back to see if Thursday is good.
My stepsister Ava texted four times with a hair dye crisis. If I’ve told that girl once, I’ve told her a hundred times...
Molly: You’re PMSing, aren’t you?
