Riling Elaine up isn’t nearly as much fun as it used to be, but it’s still a decent pastime. Seeing her today hasn’t rattled me as much as I thought it might. The call came in, and Andy sent it my way immediately. At first, I was annoyed. Irritated. But, I figured at least it would give me a chance to see her.
And there she sat, much like she had nearly every time I stepped into her office. Of course, that had been before I knew what her face looked like as she came undone….
Still, I collected myself pretty quickly and behaved mostly appropriately for the duration of our time together. Sure, I’d rolled my cuffs so high that I’d been in danger of blocking circulation, but the flustered look on Elaine’s face and the flush in her cheeks had been worth it.
So, now I’m back on my floor, finishing up the day, and yes, my mind is still on Elaine. Our interaction today proved one thing, and it’s exactly what I feared: the anger I’d been expecting hasn’t come. I just can’t seem to get a good mad on. A hard on I manage with ease, but mad? That has yet to surface. I’m agitated. Frustrated. Pissy as all hell. But not angry.
The thing is, I get it. I get that she felt ambushed. And my mom feels awful. And the whole fucking kerfuffle is my fault because I didn’t tell my mom about Elaine and I sort of surprised her with the invitation, which was not cool.
And really, the fiasco at the party was only a symptom of the larger problem. Elaine doesn’t trust me enough not to break her heart. She’s absolutely convinced that a good thing can’t last. And despite the many nicknames she’s given me, I’m not a wizard or superhero. And I’m beginning to think I’m just not up to the task of changing her mind.
